Why is my guy best friend acting strange?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been good friends with my guy friend for months now. When we first became friends it was like he understood me better than anyone. He was always there for me.. He got a girlfriend & started pushing me out. I assumed it was due to the girlfriend so I overlooked it. After they broke up about 2 months later he came to me for comfort & support in which I gave him. A few weeks later he started treating me really badly. He called me names, ignored me, always was mad at me for no reason, etc. I confronted him multiple times about how he treated me & he would get better then be the same again. He would create reasons why he was mad at me in which I ended up always apologizing when it was over something small (like me forgetting to hug him at work.) I would always feel so guilty & have to beg him to forgive me & actually read my texts & be my friend again. Recently he got another girlfriend & he got worse. We were texting everyday at this point & sent a laughing emoji to a joke he made as anyone else would. A few weeks passed with no reply. We usually ignored each other at work anyways because he was always so much worse at work than through text. I finally found out he was mad at me and had told my friends that I “ghosted him” when I never did. A reply is not ghosting. He has since apologized & told me he wishes I would talk to him at work because he gets nervous talking to me first & can’t stand it when we don’t talk. Mind you he has a girlfriend. If I don’t text him 24 hours a day 7 days a week he gets mad and upset. So the other night I spoke to him and he ended up chewing me out for not watching a netflix show he likes. He’s always just so hateful randomly. We’ll be fine then he’ll just go off on me & cuss at me. He can’t stand for me to talk to any of my other friends there. I just honestly don’t know what to make of this behavior & am about to just cut him out of my life because this has been going on for months & I’ve tried talking to him numerous times.

[WaterIsland]

Yep. He sounds like an awful awful friend. I’d do exactly what you said and cut him out of your life. The sooner the better. And don’t go back either. He’s shown who he is. Manipulative and abusive.


Friends are supposed to be nice, kind, and support each other. He has shown time and time to do the opposite.


I’m sorry you’re going through this. You’ll find other better friends tho!

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your reply. I’ve actually tried cutting him out a few times but he always makes me feel so guilty. He’s recently started treating my other friends badly because I’m now closer with them than I am with him.

[WaterIsland]

I know it’s hard. You have no reason to feel guilty tho. That is typical manipulation by him. Just stay close to your other friends. I completely understand how tough this is. You just have to be decisive, strong, and move on completely. You got this!

[Asker]

You are so kind! Thank you so much for your help. What do I do if he tries texting me/ interacting with me at work? Do you have any suggestions? I’m bad at cutting out people lol. I want to be friends with everyone

[WaterIsland]

Glad to help! Hmm. I think you have two options. Just ignore everything from him. Act like he doesn’t exist. If he goes far enough and doesn’t back off, talk to your manager or Human Resources department. Or, just tell him you’ve realized this friendship is unhealthy and you’re done. Then ignore or block.

I wouldn’t go into too much detail tho. Even if he plays dumb, he can self reflect and figure out what he did wrong.

The worst thing you can do at this point is keep giving him openings or opportunities to be in your life. It really doesn’t matter if you block him, ignore him, tell him you’re done. The important thing is to stop giving him opportunities to still be your friend.

[Drik_Triztn]

Initially I thought that perhaps he was in the midst of some sort of personal crisis and was sorta taking it out on you or something like that. that's a thing that tends to happen sometimes.

but what your sharing with me sounds really inconsistent so... i dunno...

[Asker]

thank you for your reply. And I know right? I can never understand him no matter how hard I try.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should tone down you’re relationship with him to be more cordial and simple. He’s emotionally abusive to the women in his life, and the more you keep enabling that behavior the more he will act that way towards you. You can’t take back all the undeserved begging you did for his friendship, but you can put your foot down going forward.

[Asker]

Thank you for your reply. Yea I tried too hard with him. I just hate for people to dislike me because that’s always happened in my life so I try extra hard now and I think I tried too hard. I have decided to continue to ignore him at work. If he texts me/ interacts with me should I tell him something like “I’m done letting you treat me the way you do” and tell him why? Or what would you suggest? Again, thank you so much

[Opinion Owner]

No worries! I’m the same way when it comes to not wanting people to dislike me. I’ve learned it’s ok to be nice and good to people but it’s important to set boundaries and advocate for yourself when people try to take advantage of your kind heart. If your friend reaches out, I would just ignore him unless necessary. Telling him that you’re done trying I think is more like closure for you than a necessary step. Nothing would be wrong with getting that off your chest, but actions speak much louder and 9/10 he would gaslight and guilt trip you over having feelings, as he typically seems to. No need to put yourself through that, he’s drained enough energy.

[Anonymous]

He sounds so toxic. You should choose your friends more wisely.

[Asker]

I’ve tried for years but that’s all I get. I have other work friends who are my world though. ❤️

[Guy13]

He have a crush on you.

[Asker]

You think so? All my friends think so too but his best friend said no.. but it could have been because his best friend asked me if I liked him and I said no. lol. thanks for your reply!