My boyfriend asked that I let his mom take the front seat in his car?

[Anonymous]

I’ve never been in the car with both him and his mom, but the other day he essentially asked me to allow his mom to have the front seat if we ever were to go out together. I would most likely have offered that she take it, but being asked to doesn’t feel great to me. Is this acceptable? What do you guys think?

Updates

+1 y

She has no health issues

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong w that unless she says she’s ok in the back. But honestly I think it’s just a respectful thing as far as her being older, not only that she’s his mother. Usually there’s more room in the front so if she’s got arthritis or some body aches it allows her more space as opposed to yourself who obviously is much younger. I’m assuming you have better health, maybe skinnier who is perfectly fine sitting in the back seat. Besides is this an everyday thing? Does he pick her up everyday w you? Probably not, just let her enjoy that little time w her son. She’s much older. Although no one knows when their time is up, age wise she’s closer to passing on as opposed to you. Don’t make something out of nothing. I don’t get why women are so fucked up to each other. One day maybe you will have a son. After raising him for 20 years or longer imagine a girl coming into his life taking him from you. I don’t like when women expect a man to automatically push their mom to the side when she’s been there all his existence through all his bad times as well as good times. Meanwhile she’s only been in his life less than 2 years. There’s a difference between being a momma’s boy, this doesn’t sound like it to me in his situation. It may not be a big deal to you now cause you’re not at that age mentality where your outlook on life changes, but you will be one day. Whenever we pick up my girlfriend’s mom or dad which isn’t that often I always sit in the back unless she’s driving. If I’m driving she will jump in the back.

[Asker]

His mom is in her mid 40s and has no health conditions. My boyfriend lives in an Islamic country where I’ve heard the men value the mothers more than the partners sometimes. He’s done more than this to let me know I’m always and always will be no.2

[Opinion Owner]

So either deal w it or find a new man. Again she’s been in his life forever, you haven’t.

[SteveSmith1985]

Well if she doesn't have health issues, and isn't an "elderly" mother... Then I can see why you might be a bit grumbly.

But... to me... the big thing here... is that this dude... brought this up... eventhough... the situation hasn't come up yet. THAT is SO SO SO SO SO weird!

Like, it's one thing, if a situation arises where the three of you WILL be driving together. AT THAT POINT it makes sense for him to make this request of you (if that's... how he feels about it). And if he were to have done that... it's weird... but not... inexcusable (maybe the dude's got an old-school respect thing going on, and to him, this is the right way to treat one's mother in this situation or something like that).

But... for a dude to say this... when you're NOT in the situation where it's relevant... is one of the weirdest things I have ever heard of a person saying in my whole life! I cannot fathom what might be going through that dude's head. Not even a little bit. I'm... speechless here. That's... so weird!

[Asker]

Hahaha. He’s from an Islamic country and there they value their mothers more than their partners sometimes I heard

[Razp_Sorbet]

I did this all the time. Don't see an issue with it. They didn't see eachother very often so made sense that she sat in the front to catch up.

Though I use to do this for his brother too simply because his brother is 6'4. Now I just scoot my seat forward and make him go in the back unless it's a long car ride.

[Haha456]

islamic arabic guys tend to be perverts. I know because I have went out with a lot of them in the past. And yes, they do tend to idolize their mothers over their wives. You're just gonna have to deal with it. Its a cultural thing.

[Asker]

I suppose either deal with it break it🤣

[Haha456]

i also hate how they treat their women. middle eastern countries / india has highest rape incidents in the world.

[NamerOfStars]

That there's probably a reason for it- she may have some medical condition or something that either precludes her riding in back, or makes in deeply uncomfortable, and this condition may not be visible from the outside; this way, he gets her what she needs without having to embarrass either of you. Unless she's coming along on all your dates, it's not likely to come up often.

Don't think of it as him rejecting you, but of him thinking of his mother- it may be inconvenient, but it's not a bad thing.

[Asker]

She has no health issues. He’s from an Islamic country where often the mother is seen as more important than girlfriend/wife

[abc3643]

Often, it is just better to let the older adult have the front seat because of mobility issues; the back seat in a coupe is a pain in the ass to get out of and usually has less room anyway.
When you get old, it's all about comfort and ease.

So, don't take this too badly.

[OfMiceandMen]

If you were planning to offer her the seat anyway, I would just let it slide. The fact that he asked, suggests you are both on the same page which is a good thing. If it were your mom or dad getting in the car, I am sure he would get in the back and let them in front.

[HaveNoName]

Yeah, assuming he did. so only means that there will always be a tussle in his mind between you and his mom. It is not easy to be a son & husband. Something that is easily disregarded.

It is nice of you to feel that you would have let her have it yourself. That is what basic manners teach us.

What actually matters is how the mother-in-law deals with it. Does she take it as her God gifted right or does she offer the option.

[melanieeeB]

I see it as normal.. I don't know I always automatically sit in the back when the mom of friends or my ex his mom would be driving with us and I would do the same the other way around like it's my mom, of course she is gonne sit infront

[SlothySlob]

How often does he see his mother? How often are you with your boyfriend? How often do you see your dad and do you do the same thing to your boyfriend? As in ask your boyfriend to ride in the back as you and your dad are in front. That sounded weird.

[Asker]

He see’s his mom every day, he sees me a few times a year. I wouldn’t ask my dad to sit in the front, I would naturally expect him to sit in the back seat.

[SlothySlob]

Welp, any argument I had just fell flat. All I can say is that he values his mother more than you.

[Adam1978]

Don't make an issue out of it and let him and her have their way. It's a part of honor your elderly, ie his mother rank higher than you. If you can't handle that don't date Muslims.

[Anonymous]

that is fucking weird. subconsciously he values his mom more then you he values his mom over you. think of it as a symbolic or subconscious act which is really fucked up what he did to you. basically with his fucked up thinking you'll always take second place to his mom basically taking a back seat to his mom especially with decision making

[Asker]

Yeah, he lives in an Islamic country where I’ve heard the men value the mothers more than the partners sometimes. He’s done more than this to let me know I’m always and always will be no.2 to his mom

[Opinion Owner]

yeah you need to get rid of him

[AmandaYVR]

It's a common social custom. She has a higher position than you. Don't fight it. It is what it is.

[slatyb]

Is his mother able-bodied? Some people can't get into the back seat of a car.

It's really weird that he felt compelled to tell you that now.

[Adaeva]

She is older so let her have the front seat and don't be unreasonable and complain about it.

[Sleeper07]

I personally wouldn't like that. I like to hold hands with my girl in the shotgun when I can.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

What are you, 12?
Who gives a shit. Just say "sure thing!" and forget about it

[exitseven]

Have her drive and you can makeout with him in the back seat

[Jamie05rhs]

I think it's okay. She's older than you. We need to respect our elders.

[andreasderjuengere]

The ''President'' sits in the back.

Consider the case as being given a special honour.

[peedy]

And you should let her maybe she had a hard time getting into the back maybe she gets csr sick, and out of respect your elders

[noohair]

Maybe he knows that his Mom has a medical condition that would make her suffer by sitting in the back seat.

[StttAlways]

I, myself, never would have put his mom in the backseat. I always just automatically got into the back. That's his momma. :)

[DermalPunch]

Get in the back girlie!

[DermalPunch]

it's called respect. when you have his babies and your son gets grown... his girlfriend/wife will sit in the back.

[BrickBiggems]

I'd ask him and see what he says.

[magiusX26]

its a respect for elders thing

[lottiebannotie]

So the fuck what get over yourself

[NostalgiaSenpi]

It's not much of a big deal. Just do it.

[In_Trance]

smh... same shit. let it go

[boggboss]

Did u ask why

[Asker]

He’s from an Islamic country and many men there value their mothers more than their partners

[boggboss]

So if u know that why are u bothered by it you are deciding to be with him so that comes with loving him