Guys be honest. When a girl says she likes you first you usually see her as friends with benefits material and not girlfriend/wifey material?

[DermalPunch]

Guys are always on here how GREAT it would be for a girl to fess up first. It seems most guys automatically assume she is DTF and start gaming her from that angle. I. e. she is disqualified as committed relationship material.

Updates

+1 y

LADIES! If you are presenting as approachable and interested and he can't make the first move and approach leave it alone. You will be viewed as easy if you show your hand first. You are setting yourself up for disrespect or for a guy who cannot take the lead!

[FilmGuy93]

No. It depends entirely on where I'm at in life.

[DermalPunch]

Oh, how so?

[FilmGuy93]

I might not have the stability in my life and career to give my partner what she deserves in terms of a relationship. I might be head over heels in love with her, but if I can't give her enough of myself, it's not fair for me to try and build a relationship with her.

[DermalPunch]

I hate this attitude. The fact you are in love with her is enough and as gratitude she will help you through all that stuff. Unfortunately, guys see the girl who is there through the rough times and then ditch her because they want to the woman that matches with their ego when they reach whatever goal while she wasn't there in the trenches with you. It's awful.

[DermalPunch]

*see the girl as less than.

Because they connect their low self-estee to that girl's worth. It's a disease. I swear.

[FilmGuy93]

Sometimes it's not something I control though. If I don't know how long I'll be staying in an area, it isn't fair to her for me to form a full fledged relationship if I know there's a chance I'll be leaving soon.

[DermalPunch]

But you won't refuse sex I'm sure.

[FilmGuy93]

Well, I'm a really big fan of honesty, boundaries, and being totally real with people about where I'm at. So I am very honest with women I date from the get-go. If I am only able to give a woman a situationship, I would tell her that. I would use nicer words (like "relationship-lite"), and I would explain that I'm down to give her my all for as long as I can, but that I just don't know how long that is.

[DermalPunch]

I would use nicer words (like "relationship-lite"),

Pure manipulation. She thinks it's a relationship. You say it because women who put out think it will go somewhere. Be better. That's trickery.

[FilmGuy93]

How is it trickery for me to tell a woman that I am willing to give her my all, but that I don't know how long I will be living near her?

If you can give me a better/more sensitive way of handling the situation, I'd be happy to follow your advice.

[DermalPunch]

Relationship lite. Enough said. That's Orwellian dude.

[DermalPunch]

Going forward say. I'll kick it with you as long as it isn't inconvenient for me or gets in the way of my life goals and see how far you get.

[FilmGuy93]

"Orwellian?" Lmao that's a bit hyperbolic, don't you think?

"I'll kick it with you as long as it isn't inconvenient for me or gets in the way of my life goals" is exactly what women say and do all the time. It'll be fine.

[DermalPunch]

Whoa. That's so crazy. I used hyperbolic like 2 hours ago about something and I rarely use that word.

Either way -- we will do us, respectively. Thanks for answering 🙂

[Jamie05rhs]

Absolutely not. 100% false.

[DermalPunch]

I guess it depends. Told the guy I like that I thought he was cute and handsome and thar I wanted to get to know him better. He said me too. Haha his hands were shaking a bit.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DermalPunch Awwww! 😍

[DermalPunch]

Yeah. It's pretty awww-y. Pray for us

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay! Lol

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for the MHO!

[DermalPunch]

@Jamie05rhs he's dropping L-bombs already! Maybe I picked wrong again.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DermalPunch What's wrong with that? 🤷

[DermalPunch]

@Jamie05rhs you have got to be kidding me! He is obviously trying to fast track way into my pants. So lame.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DermalPunch Oh, really? Hmm. So "I love you" equals sex? Lol. News to me.

[DermalPunch]

@Jamie05rhs maybe the people where you are are these wonderful angels but nevwr has a man ever been dropping L bomb before we were I timate except he wanted to use me. 100% of the time no fail. It's such a stupid tactic.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DermalPunch I'm sorry that you have had the unfortunate experience of interacting with such creatures.

[DermalPunch]

Yes, creatures. One of them showed yp at my door yesterday. The nerve.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DermalPunch Oh, my goodness.

[DermalPunch]

Yeah, I know, right. I am not moving. I love where I live. I'm not scared but I really don't know what he is capable of.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DermalPunch I hope you have a gun.

[DermalPunch]

This is the states

[DermalPunch]

Isn't

[Jamie05rhs]

@DermalPunch Oh; I'm sorry. What country are you in again? England?

[dynamicyandere]

For me personally, when I’m mutually attracted, I’m already thinking about her long-term potential. At that point, I’m just looking for red flags. (They are qualified until they are disqualified.)


I believe part of this is because they need to have a good amount of initial chemistry with me to feel attracted. (Looks alone won’t suffice.) So if they manage to gain my attraction, they are already halfway there.


And, the other part is that I know that my time on Earth is finite, so if I’m going to spend my time with someone, I want to be building something that will last. (That’s why I default to thinking long-term.)


I don’t want to end up like Hugh Hefner, who had so much casual sex, yet only had a meaningful love relationship during the last 4 years of his life, before he died.


I personally don’t want to waste time with people who I’m not building a lasting relationship with.


But, most people are too blindsided by the promise of instant gratification that they don’t think about long-term fulfillment.

[DermalPunch]

I wish I could meet guys who can see what a gift a woman's co fession is and the jackpot to get a woman who will do this. A question for you. Is this a red flag? Say you gift a girl some food then she returns the container wiped but not washed out. What do you think of her?

[dynamicyandere]

@DermalPunch

That wouldn’t be a red flag to me. I’d thank her for returning the container.

If she happened to go out of her way to clean the container fully before giving it back though, I’d take note of that in the back of my mind. It shows that she’s considerate and mindful and is willing to put in the extra effort.

So, she wouldn’t be getting any minus points, but she’d get plus points for showing consideration, mindfulness, and putting in extra effort.

Healthy relationships require effort to nurture. So if they put effort into this little gesture, it could mean they also would put in effort in other areas too.

But, if they didn’t clean the container fully, there would still be plenty of other opportunities and contexts for them to show me how mindful they are. 🙂

I’ve dated women who turned out to be narcissistic and inattentive, and I’ve dated women who are very attentive and mindful, and it’s a night and day difference.

In my book, a high-quality woman is a woman with high-quality character traits. A beautiful soul is everything.

[DermalPunch]

Wow. So eloquent. Do you enjoy writing, generally?

Yeah I'm an extra mile kinda girl. I think I may be too much for a non-container-washing person. I would be mortified to return an empty, unwashed container.

But, I guess what is baseline for some is bells and whistles for others.

I mean if the person was grateful and thanked you, I suppose they aren't a total loss.

Anyhoo, don't be a stranger!

[DermalPunch]

I see you're in marketing. Are you a copywriter?

[dynamicyandere]

Thanks! And yes, I do. 🙂

It’s always good to go the extra mile. Perhaps only other people who go the extra mile tend to be the ones who notice and appreciate it.

Haha, t’s good to set high standards for yourself! Many people only have high standards for other people but don’t hold themselves to an equally high standard.

Yeah, I think both good men AND good women are hard to come by.

You hear everyone talking about the top 1% or top 20% but they refer to things like looks or status. What about the top 1-20% when it comes to good character, right?

Haha, yes, I’m in marketing. 🙂

First a content writer, then a copywriter, now a marketing manager.

But, eventually I’m going to write novels and build a business around that because creative writing is my real passion.

Right now, I’m focusing on increasing my income and developing my business skills so that I can fund and run the business-side of things when I finally launch my future creative business. 🚀

[DermalPunch]

What about the top 1-20% when it comes to good character, right? ✅️ Perfect.

People with good character have to be more cunning these days because kindness=weakness for most people. It takes strength to be kind and act with integrity.

And nice isn't the same as kind.

I am pursuing my creative goals, as well.

I paint and I sold my first piece yesterday since launching. It felt good after nearly a year of building a new audience, honing my skills and learning the art biz.

Now the goal is to pinpoint the architecture of that sale and make it a process.

I also studied copywriting because I have to make my own marketing right now. I don't mind as I enjoy the writing side.

I really enjoyed reading your responses.

Wishing much success.

[DermalPunch]

*you

[dynamicyandere]

True. It’s unfortunate that kindness is often misinterpreted as weakness.

Being nice is simply pleasing others, being careful not to upset others, being careful not to offend. It’s avoiding any conflict, which is easy to do.

Now, being kind requires emotional strength, self-control, and reign over one’s own pride.

You could be in a situation where someone you’re talking to opposes your views and what you stand for.

They might be confrontational and even rude.

It takes strength to stand firm in your integrity, to agree to disagree, and to treat them with good manners, even though they do not return the same courtesy.

Despite their arrogance, you don’t have to stoop down to their level and compromise your own code of conduct.

When other people are acting uncivilized, yet you are still civil, it is better to remain civil than to become uncivilized yourself.

It takes strength to behave like a patient and compassionate adult when you are confronted with an “adult child” throwing a tantrum.

Anyway… 🙃

Congrats on your first sale!

It’s nice to meet other creative entrepreneurs.

The starving artist stereotype can only end when artists embrace the business aspect of their business.

I actually used to do photoshop editing for a design studio for 6 years before I started to get into sales/marketing/business.

I have an appreciation for good craftsmanship and a soft spot for fellow creatives. 🙂

Thanks. ☺️

I wish you the best with your growing art business! 🎨

[Juicyred921]

It’s frustrating. I had a guy I liked. I told him I had feelings for him. He didn’t really say anything other than he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Not long after, i bluntly asked him “do you have feelings for me? Yes or no?” His reply…. “I don’t have to answer that”.. wtf! Only to find out months later that he had feelings for me sense we first met.

[DermalPunch]

Before you told him you "had feelings" was he making any type of moves. Verbal or otherwise?

[Juicyred921]

He’s say..” I love you.. as a friend “. He would just tell me how he likes my company. We would see each other almost everyday. But we’ve talked every day sense we met.

[DermalPunch]

Oh OK. Well, men get "feelings" all the time. He just doesn'twant to date you.

[DermalPunch]

At the very least he would have been obviously flirting and talking about your relationship status etc

[Juicyred921]

Flirting.. yeah.. relationship status.. no. But we’ve been together for almost 3 years. We are dating and have lived together for 2 years. We are planning a future together. There’s been talks of marriage but we’ll see. We definitely love each other.

[DermalPunch]

Oh I see.

[Cupido29]

I personally believe that any male would like the female to take the first step. We go slow because women tend not to like to go fast. Personally then, even if I don't initially like the girl, I would still give her a chance if she declares herself first. Love isn't always at first sight, it often takes time. So it was with my ex, which she reciprocated after months. (although it must be said that it is usually the female who takes the longest to develop feelings)

[DermalPunch]

I guess I am just fortunate to meet asshole after asshole.

[Radiate143]

(although it must be said that it is usually the female who takes the longest to develop feelings)

No, this is wrong. Women have feelings faster. We go slower because we know how fickle men are.

[RagnarRedbeard]

By itself, no. If a guy likes a girl that much it doesn’t matter who asks first, it makes no difference at all.

In these cases it’s more likely that the guy you asked out finds you attractive, but not so attractive that he’s thinking about a relationship with you. That’s probably why he never tried to ask you out on a date.

Women don’t seem to understand that this is just the way it works for men anyway, because they’re used to being passive and having guys who are already interested come to them.

When I was single I’d go through quite a few rejections before finding a girl who liked me back. That’s most men’s experience. So what you’re saying here is kind of like me saying that women aren’t attracted to guys who ask them out. But no it just depends on how much they like you, that’s the main thing.

[DermalPunch]

See there's the catch-22 how do you know?

[DermalPunch]

I think he did ask me out me we have a language barrier and I misunderstood.

[DermalPunch]

I asked him to help me with something in his language. We were just speaking and then he tented in his pants. What do you think? Worth an ask?

[RagnarRedbeard]

A man being turned on by a woman he’s attracted to is normal, that’s just how we work. Some sexual comments here and there are normal. If he’s constantly trying to steer the conversation toward sex however, he’s not talking about deeper stuff to get to know you well, and he’s not trying to set up dates and stuff like that, it’s probably only sex he’s after.

[DermalPunch]

No, he has never uttered anything sexual to me. That would be disrespectful. He clumsily asked me if I had a sister and asked if I was single and so on.

[RagnarRedbeard]

Oh sorry I assumed you meant that he texted that he “tented his pants, not that you saw it. So what’s the question here, are you thinking of asking this guy out?

[DermalPunch]

I told him I was interested in him and wanted to get to know ow him more. He said me too. We see each other everyday so we will set up something soon. NGL I always check the state of affairs in his pants when we interact 🫣 Does that make me weird?

[ObscuredBeyond]

I'm always considering the long game. Though, if she's implying that she's getting frisky, I start questioning how comfortable I am with how far I want to go with her, and how fast.

Depending on a lot of factors, outright penetrative sex is still too far, but I'd be willing to shower together or feel her up, or snuggle naked, just without actually having sex.

[ColHathi]

Fucking isn't a thing in relationships? Why does wanting sex mean that the guy doesn't want her as a girlfriend or wife?

I've had girls be the first to confess to me before, and I am forever grateful for that. Granted I was too young for sex at the time, but I haven't changed my stance on that.

I'm sorry, but what you're suggesting sounds absolutely ridiculous to me, and kind of insulting, even.

[DermalPunch]

I agree with you. But sadly in my experience men have taken that to mean I am ready to be bedded and have been very disrespectful afterwards.

[ColHathi]

Unfortunate :/

[DermalPunch]

For them, yes!

[Jennz6]

Why would you ask a guy first? Sadie Hawkins Day maybe?

[DermalPunch]

Well, I don't like to waste time.

My actual self has no issue with grabbing the guy I like and locking it down. I know---masculine.
Also, men get very shy around me most of the time because I have presence and I am a bit intense. Also sexy. It's whatever.

Sadly, men misinterpret this bravery as promiscuity. I find myself having to pass in guys I lkke because it usually ends up that they think I'm some sort of alley cat in heat when I am simply just interested and they move too damn slow.

I will say, had I not made the first move and proposed to my ex husband I wouldn't have my gorgeous kids so it did work out at least once.

[Jennz6]

@DermalPunch I totally agree with you 💯💃

[DermalPunch]

Cool. Thanks girl 💥💯💥

[Jennz6]

@DermalPunch your welcome honey 🥰

[Jamie05rhs]

Hey, @DermalPunch. What does this mean exactly?

"I find myself having to pass in guys I lke because it usually ends up that they think I'm some sort of alley cat in heat when I am simply just interested and they move too damn slow."

[DermalPunch]

@Jamie05rhs I mean what it says. I recently learned that female cats are not selective and can have a litter from more than one donor. So litter of cats can have 3 or 4 different fathers. When she's in heat any Tom will do. So I feel they view women who approach as non-selectice and in heat and a treated as such.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DermalPunch Interesting. I didn't know that about cats.

But what's this about moving too slow? In your other comment you were complaining about a guy saying "I love you" as if he was moving too fast.

[DermalPunch]

@Jamie05rhs yes of course. What the heck man.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DermalPunch 🤷

[Still-alive]

i don't think about those from the get go. i just think 'she's attractive' and go from there. girlfriend/wife stuff doesn't pop into my brain until i've gotten to know her a bit. usually its just 'yeah there's potential here i think'

[Stevefiveo]

Not to me but I can see players trying to take advantage of that situation.

[DermalPunch]

Oh they do!

[Stevefiveo]

Yeah, I don't know how to be a player. Lol. Sorry, that happened to you. It totally sucks when that happens.

[DermalPunch]

It really did and I was really traumatized BUT I learned so many tricks that I am grateful I got through it. Got rid of the guy too and changed my number

[Stevefiveo]

Well, hopefully you can weed out the players better now.

[ProTattoo4U]

It's important to set expectations, throw the M word out there and see how he reacts.. marriage. Flesh out your compatibility, yes but make certain to set expectations. Otherwise yes, he's probably going to see you as friends with benefits and not happily ever after.

[DermalPunch]

Oh well he tried to do some boundary pushing and I didn't entertain it. So yeah, he knows I'm not a "good-time girl". Doesn't mean he won't try again.

[msc545]

It depends on whether or not I am attracted to her...

[DermalPunch]

Ok. You're attracted. So bed buddy or girlfriend?

[msc545]

hopefully both!

[DermalPunch]

Nice!

[nawtee_me]

I don’t look for friends with benefits and therefore do not see girls as such.

[Anonymous]

Nope just the guys you know. You could keep blaming every guy or you could simply stop entertaining the type of guys. But hey, why change now.

[DermalPunch]

I don't entertain them. I just keep encountering them leading me to believe it's the majority since I don't actively seek out jerks.

[Opinion Owner]

No you don't seek them out. You're just drawn to them. All you got to do is correct that.

[DermalPunch]

Yeah, OK. I don't think it's me that needs correcting

[Opinion Owner]

And that is why you fail. Good luck!🙂👍

[DermalPunch]

Hahaha. OK bud

[DermalPunch]

by the way we both admitted to liking each other and will meet up soon. 😜

[NathanDavis]

I've never done friends with benefits...

[NostalgiaSenpi]

No. I'd love to have a relationship.

[Tstrbrainer]

No not always

[DermalPunch]

Care to elaborate?

[Tstrbrainer]

How I see a woman depends on what I'm looking for at the moment.

[AFretiredTXn]

Agree

[Anonymous]

Gosh I hope not.

[DermalPunch]

Sad reality

[KasiKesh]

It's good to love, it's better if it's mutual

[TheFlak38]

I don't see her as anything.

[DermalPunch]

What?

[TheFlak38]

I don't see her as anything.