Why would a man go back and forth between trying to mess with my head and wanting my approval?

[Anonymous]

Is that normal for a diagnosed narcissist?

[Exterminatore]

Yes, it’s normal for them.


They enjoy being interpersonally exploitative and manipulative. So the messing with your head part is them needing to feel powerful by playing mind games.


The wanting of approval is because they require adulation and praise. So, in a nutshell he wants to feel powerful by playing with your head and also wants you to give him the paise he feels is due him, likely because he thinks he’s unique and special and better than everyone else.


For what it’s worth, psychologists say that narcissists wear a mask. Acting confident and cocky to mask the deep shame they feel because they actually feel inferior and try to counteract this by feeling superior.


I in no way believe this. I believe they are simply engaged in self worship because they actually do think they’re awesome. In their own minds they are God. However, it does no good to walk around thinking you’re the greatest person that ever lived with no external validation. So, they manipulate, exploit, lie, gaslight, bully and do a number of things to create evidence to point and and say: “see, I am superior, I am very powerful…look what I did to this person.” To keep the facade going, what good is it to be a god in your own mind but have no worshipers. So, they often keep cronies around who kiss their asses and tell them how awesome they are. This type of external validation is required or it will create a cognitive distortion for the narcissist. After all…. what god has no worshipers? So they require praise and adulation to fulfill the belief that they are special, and better than everyone else.


It does no good to think this way without actual proof. I can walk around a lie that I’m a n Olympic champion, yet I know it’s a lie and does not serve to validate to me that I am in fact the awesomest person who ever lived.

[In_Trance]

A diagnosed narcissist? That's a new one

[Exterminatore]

Good point. They never think anything is wrong with them so never get help.