Is this normal behavior for brothers in theirs 30s to say to their sister who is also close to 30?

[Anonymous]

I just feel suffocated and treated like a child.

I made friends with this guy. I dont see him romantically and he doesn't see me romantically. We are purely friends.

And whenever I hangout with him my brothers interrogate me about what we did, how I feel about him, wanting to know every little thing, what we talked about. They give me shit hanging out with someone I'm not interested and I'm like wtf he's not interested either and he knows it's a innocent friendship I don't understand the issue. Making a mountain out of a mole hill.

It pisses me off that they treat me this way. This can't be normal right? Like its bordering on toxicity or lack of boundaries. I tell them to please mind their own business and I tell them when they ask it upsets me and to leave it alone. They don't respect my boundaries, they still ask and demand answers.

I find it extremely angering and I keep all my business mysterious. I even sneak around them and I can't be comfortable about what I do. Like the other day I was going to hangout with him and I lied and told my brothers I went shopping for father's day. I lie about what I do and I feel this anxiety. It's not fun and I hate it.

[AydenHazor]

It's definitely toxic for them to be that pushy. They ought to accept your explanation that your relationship is mutually platonic and leave be. As someone with many platonic friendships with women, I often have people disbelieve when I tell them said friendships are just friendship, but it's almost always coming from a place of being indoctrinated with the toxic societal belief that all relationships between men and women must be romantic in nature.

[brandon1122]

You don't have to hide anything. Just be yourself. And it's your life. You don't have to answer their questions if you don't want to. You are a grown-up person

[SnowedIn]

Do you all live together? That's the not normal part.

[Asker]

We are roommates, yes.

[SnowedIn]

Although I'm certain that's convenient and saves money, I'd advise living on your own. Then they won't do what they're doing.

In answer to your original question, no, it's not normal what they're doing to the extent they're doing it. And not right. You shouldn't have to sneak around and live in fear.

But you either need to get them to stop or move out. Or if it's your place have them move out.

[BarryLiverstone]

Fairly normal for family to ask annoying and personal questions as they want you to be happy and successful. But why lie to them?

[Asker]

They make me feel bad.

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s not great. Remind them that you love them and tell them when they hurt your feelings. What do your parents say?

[Asker]

They excuse it. They're like, "Well they're your brothers, they do that because they care about you. They want to make sure your are safe and blah blah blah." It's like excusing toxic behavior while not doing anything about it. It's horrible because I'm not some dumbass little kid anymore, they patronize me and step all over my boundaries and peace of mind. If anything they are driving me away by acting like that. This guy friend who I would never inform what's going on, is oblivious but little does he know I am being tortured by my family for just talking to him in a friendly way. I can't imagine what they would think if we were dating, how they would react.

[Asker]

I don't know if I worded that weird but we are not dating. I meant if.

[Jamie05rhs]

Do you drink alcohol? Because if so, it doesn't matter if you're interested in him or not. You two could still end up boning. It can happen more quickly and easily than you think.

[Wise4myage]

Tell your brothers to stfu and mind their own business.

[Anonymous]

It was normal about 50 years ago.

[Opinion Owner]

Better make that 70 or more years ago.

[Asker]

But was it healthy and right?