My boyfriend used to punch walls?

[Anonymous]

We are dating for more than 2 years

He told me that when he got angry with his ex he hurt his hand, because he punched the wall so hard.

I asked... wtf would you punch a wall, he said :" so I dont punch her"

Ok this triggered me a lot! Why would he do that? I dont see him aggressive at all, like the calmest guy who saves bugs and tries not to step on ants... literally. So kind, loving and nice to me. If i hurt myself (Im clumsy) he leans in to kiss the body part i hurt.

How is it posible he did that with his ex? why?

[BasedBaeBecca]

It's possible that your boyfriend was experiencing intense emotions like anger and rage, and punching walls can be a way for him to release that energy. People can lash out and express their anger in different ways, even if they are usually kind and gentle people.

If the situation with his ex was emotionally stressful or traumatic, and he had difficulty expressing his feelings in a healthy way, it's possible that he resorted to punching the wall as a way to release the tension. It's also possible that he wants to address these past issues and work on better ways to manage his emotions in the future.

[Asker]

I never saw him that angry with me

[HelpfulWoman]

-Red flag waving, I repeat red flag waving.
He got angry and his first response was to punch her, which was then directed to the wall. Take a hint!

[Asker]

Why he never gets angry with me?
Its been 2 years

[Dantec2024]

Honestly I would be careful, even if he doesn't do any of that with you right now, doesn't mean that he won't flip a switch and do it down the road. I had very bad anger issues as a kid and would punch and throw. But I would never ever do any of that around someone I cared about or did it as a means to prevent myself from hurting someone. But as I said before, be careful because if he did it to a girl before I bet he might do it again, even if he is super calm now

[goaded]

He didn't punch the girl before. That's kind of an important distinction, don't you think?

[Dantec2024]

Yeah but if he's punching other objects in order to not hurt her what makes you think that he won't just turn on her one day if he loses it?

[goaded]

Because in nearly sixty years, I've punched a few walls, I've never hit a woman (they weren't even in the same room).

[Dantec2024]

He literally said that he punched walls in order to not hit her. Which is concerning

[Asker]

@goaded ukraine💞

[Asker]

Im surprised why he never did that with me

[goaded]

Do you know what she did?

[Asker]

@goaded she would punch him, spit on him, throw plates, scream he wants to kill her
Its what i know... probably there is more

[goaded]

Do you do those things? No? Then why are you surprised he never did that with you?

[Asker]

@goaded ofc i dont do that
Well why he stayed with her then even after she dis all that

[goaded]

Low self-esteem. He probably didn't think he could find someone better (like you!). She probably told him he couldn't. People do stay in abusive relationships for all sorts of reasons. Thank goodness they didn't have children!

[Dantec2024]

Well what if he's only telling part of the story in order to make it seem like he was primarily the victim

[Asker]

@goaded they did... she is 19 now, his daughter
Also he said he didn't feel valued he was accused of all the problems, he was never enough, he was told he can't make enyone happy etc
Mental and phisical abuse and yet he stayed and stayed
She even broke his finger
After that he stayed with herbfor more than 19 years

[goaded]

Then he obviously stayed for the sake of their daughter. They say it's not good for a child to grow up in a loveless marriage, but it's got to be better to have one parent protecting them from the other.

[Asker]

I dont know, maybe

[Asker]

@goaded thats what he says
But whe he left her couple of times, she went after him to live with him ahain
He always accepted her and took her back
He said she cried a lot and was good actress
I think he is an idiot for that

[In_Trance]

dump him