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There's a guy at work whose leaving on Friday.
He's 23 & I'm 38. Big age difference. I just chat to him mainly cause he's next to me.
I went overseas last month & before I went he asked me out for lunch but I said no.
On Monday he said to me "Do you want to have a drink just us, it will be the last time we see eachother."
I said no & he left it for the day.
Today he asked again for a coffee just us again.
I said no but will come to the teams farewell and then he goes "so you don't want to do anything just us?"
I said "I'll just talk to you here at the desk."
He keeps asking and I've already told him no.
It's a huge age difference and I don't know what to do if he asks again?
It's making me uncomfortable and one woman who sits on the otherside of me who heard asked if I was ok.
I don't want to be firm but he just doesn't get it.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
How long have you worked together? It kind of sounds like he's liked you for a while and is in "now or never" mode. If he were to continue working there, he might be content to keep casually chatting with the thought that one day, eventually, something might happen; now that he's leaving, he probably sees this as his last chance to make something happen and doesn't want to let it slip away.
I couldn't tell you why he's fixated on you, but from way he's talking to you, it sounds like he sees a relationship with you as something truly unique that he may never find elsewhere, and now he has tunnel vision.
It sounds like you were pretty clear in your last encounter, but if he's still chasing that little ray of hope after that, you'll need to do more than pretty clear. "I'm sorry, I'm just not interested. It's not going to happen."
Thank you. That is actually a good description of what he's feeling. We've been working about 11 months next to eachother. I've only started noticing it in the last 3 months.
We had a company workdo last week and I was with another girl , someone else wanted to take a photo of us 3 and he was standing next to her and said he wanted to stand by me and was trying to take selfies with me when she went. I refused for that also. His last day is going to make me feel so much anxiety cause the two other people that work in our department work from home that day. Our backs are facing eachother and sometimes he just turns around stares at me for ages without saying anything. If he asks again, do you think I should go to my manager? It's making me feel really uncomfortable. Unfortunately my job needs me to be in the office so I can't have work from home as an excuse. He knows my age, so don't know why he keeps pursuing me.
I've had 5 weeks with him since I've been back from vacation. When he told me he was leaving, I was so happy.
Age differences don't bother everybody. Some people even prefer older or younger partners. Relationships with age gaps come with unique challenges, but they aren't objectively bad.
I'm only saying that to highlight the fact that he is probably not put off by the difference in your ages, and he'll probably say as much if you bring it up. What's important is that it matters to YOU.
If he asks again, be blunt and be clear. You don't need to explain all the reasons are aren't into him; you are just not interested in any sort of relationship outside of work. Period.
I like to believe that people usually have the best intentions, and that he's only still pursuing you because he thinks that you don't understand what he's asking. But if he doesn't respond to a definitive "no", if you've told him that his repeated invitations have begun to make you feel uncomfortable, you'll probably want your boss to intervene at that point. Maybe just inform your boss beforehand that there is some tension between you (you don't have to be specific) so you know they'll be there to back you up if you need it.
I'm sorry to hear that this has been such an awkward experience for you. Hope the last day goes smoothly for everyone.
Thanks for your reply. Yeah, I told him no the first time and that I'll just talk to him at the desk. He asked me again on his last day in the morning but I said no, I have a meeting. Which was true. He seemed to get annoyed when another man came over to my desk to have a chat. He was just like, how did you start talking to him. In the afternoon he was like "hey, never mind." So I'm guessing he was going to ask again. He asked me if I signed his leaving card. I had to cause we had to pass it around. I just said. "All the best for your new job." Then I heard him say "oh" I didn't want to write something that would get the wrong idea. He's. gone now, so I had a really nice day without him.
Clearly u will need to be firm
Yeah, do you think it's weird he just wants it to be only me & him?
Clearly he is looking to date or fuck
That's what I was thinking. 3 more days of anxiety.