Warning sign of abuse/ red flags?

[Anonymous]

I'm casually dating this guy who's pretty aggressive in general day to day activities. He's older than me, owns 2 businesses whereas I'm just a university student. There was an almost instant emotional bond between us, and I really do admire his mindset and values etc etc. We often get into really meaningful and thought provoking discussions/debates, and we mutually open up a lot about our lives and what led us here. However, he can also be a bit on the controlling dominant side. I feel as though there's a very fine line between possessiveness, and controlling, almost borderline abuse behaviour, and behaviour of a man who is simply just into a girl and more dominant. There were little things he would do such as making me hold his hand when crossing roads, constantly weighing me down by having his arms around my shoulders, gripping the front of my neck when talking to me, and he would kind of dig his fingers into my arm when cuddling, he has also pulled me by my chest to move closer to him. I've told him that he's really aggressive and when he hurts me, but he says he just doesn't realise he's using any force. Then recently, things had turned a bit more sexual and so I wasn't really feeling any pain. Then when I got home I noticed I was a bit sore and had a bruise on my chest which I just ignored as being too rough. Then the next day I was getting dressed when I realised a large blue bruise was on my arm and realised it was also caused by him. He also holds more traditional religious values and beliefs such as women dressing modestly, his opinion on male friends, smoking etc all of which I engage in. Another thing which caught me off guard was that he brought up looking for a personal assistant and asked me 5 times in the duration of around 6 hours if I would want to do that. He will pay me £400-500 a week and slowly increase it. He called me up and wants to take me to some fancy restaurant in the richer part of London. I'm just a bit confused on his motives tbh.

[_Maya_]

This is all I needed to read..." gripping the front of my neck when talking to me". What in the actual heck? He grips your neck when talking to you? Like in a normal conversation? Scratch that. Why would anyone do that in any sort of conversation. This guy screams red flags right and left. I would block him and not look back. The thing is if you think it is bad now guess what? It is only going to get worse the more control he thinks he has over you and the more he believes he can get away with. The fact that you already have very real injuries is enough to say leave him.

[Asker]

The thing is, he does constantly ask me if I feel uncomfortable or if I'm okay with something then when I say yeah he might escalate it slightly but it's never been anything where I've felt in danger. I actually feel very comfortable around him so I'm honestly just not sure. My only concern is maybe being blinded to certain things which could take a dark turn in the future if I pursue this.

[_Maya_]

I think that is my concern is what lies around the corner. In my head I would be concerned but that is just the way my mind works.

[StarWarGirl]

He is clearly a abuser. One who really loves you, for him you would be more precious like his favorite doll and ofcourse he would be more careful while handling you. And he says "he doesn't realise he is using force?" Then where is his mind?

[spartan55]

Congratulations! You have a future domestic abuser for a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆