Sooo girls, what are your red flags for guys?

[justkoala]

Some of the simple but effective red flags for me are that he exhibits behaviors that show a lack of confidence and that he does not know his limits.

[Anonymous]

This kind of goes for any relationship them saying things like "If we ever broke up, I'd kill myself" and "I don't need a therapist when I've got you."

My first boyfriend said this sort of stuff to me a lot, at the time I thought he was trying to be sweet or something (though it did make me uncomfortable). However, now I know that it was incredibly emotionally manipulative, and I still can't figure out whether it was intentional or not.
I was aware that he had clinical depression, but he refused to accept any sort of professional help or take his medication (the only reason he had been diagnosed in the first place was that his parent had taken him to the doctors). Obviously, you should do your best to support your partner if they have a mental illness, but he placed a huge amount of pressure on me as it was pretty clear he was solely relying on me for his own happiness and emotional wellbeing, as he always said he had no one else he could trust to talk to.

He basically used me as an emotional baggage dumping ground and me still being quite young, never mind a mental health professional, I had no idea what to do to help someone with a mental illness. Every time I couldn't help him, I saw it as a reflection of my own ability and self-worth, and I was constantly worried about him, not being able to sleep most nights because I was afraid he'd hurt himself. This had a really big impact on my own mental health and fucked me up pretty badly. The whole relationship was pretty toxic in itself but that was the biggest issue, he saw me as a therapist, not his girlfriend. (Sorry this was pretty long)

[justkoala]

@Madilyn This is a very sad situation and you are absolutely right to feel what you are feeling... I can't even imagine what you are going through, it is terrible!

[BlackBeauty90]

"never mind a mental health professional, I had no idea what to do to help someone with a mental illness" ----- that's appalling to say. Hopefully you have a clue how to do your job

[CoolCatMar1]

I feel sorry for what you went through boo

[Anonymous]

🚩Hot and cold flirting. Instant turn off.

🚩If a guy tries to see how far he can get into personal space to test my comfort with him or break the touch barrier. I know he is an abuser and I will avoid him.

🚩Man who stares me down or gives me the sex glare gets nowhere with me. Always abusers. Usually cheaters. That's the least bad thing about those types usually.

🚩Lovebombing. Any guy who likes me soooo much after a few exchanges is full of crap and is looking to bed me and dump me or put me on a rotation where he will dump me every two to three weeks and come back apologizing.

I still feel ashamed that I've been through this but at least I know what to look for from the first glances now and protect myself.

[MaxUsefull]

What is hot and cold flirting?

[Opinion Owner]

@MaxUsefull push pull technique. They are either manipulators or clueless reading PUA stuff. Either way, A HUGE turn-off.

[MaxUsefull]

Well…luckily I never did this

[Opinion Owner]

@MaxUsefull thank you.

[Anonymous]

Narcasistic behavior, doesn't treat animals kindly, doesn't have a good job, doesn't own a car, has disrespectful or demeaning attitudes toward women.

Conversely, if he identifies as a feminist, that's a red flag too because it means either he is pretending for the purpose of attracting female attention, or he doesn't respect himself as a man.

[Sunssong]

Some of that sounds like preferences rather than red flags. Isn't feminist suppose to mean you want equal treatment for all? I think most guys want that.

[MaxUsefull]

Feminist man is the strongest red flag for any woman 😂

[Opinion Owner]

@Sunssong All red flags are subjective, aka opinions.

@MaxUsefull It's a red flag, but not the strongest one, by far.

[Anonymous]

• Bad personal hygiene
• Home is dirty/disgusting. It is okay if it is a little messy, but there is a difference between messy/dirty
• Rude to service workers or women he doesn’t find attractive
• Every ex was crazy or a mega villain in some way. Common denominator is him
• Can’t hold a job or jumps relationship to relationship
• Hot/cold behavior. Love bombs
• Has mental disorder that he refuses to treat/find healthy coping mechanisms
• Seems desperate/no strong sense of self
• Close minded

Can apply to women too and most people are decent and these don’t apply to them

[DaveJord]

This is a very good list and totally is unisex. I like that most about your response. You did not take to narcist talk or down on men, you made a very legitimate list. Thanks.

[overthinkergirl]

being arrogant, ful of yourself.

not respecting people especially elder and disabled ones

overly controlling, low self esteem, not eilling to compromise, lack of communication

drinking smoking

close minded, unhelpful,

and much more

[Being_a_good_Indian]

Navigating the Dating Minefield: Red Flags to Watch for Before Falling in Love

[Anonymous]

Humble bragging about how “it’s easy to get girls” but he happens to choose me over all of these other girls 🙄.

[Sunssong]

Sounds like you and @justkoala want the opposite. Interesting.

[justkoala]

@Sunssong Yeap pls

[DreamLife7]

* No education
*No car
* No career
*No ambition
*Broke
*Insecure
*No sense of humor

[strateguy632]

that is me. yay me.

[Tstrbrainer]

I'm in it too 😃😃😃, maybe except for the insecure part

[thegreenyogi]

Probably my biggest red flag is when a guy never calls me by my name ever!! It's something that really gets on my nerves and for me it's a sure sign he's not really serious!!

[whereismyjohnny]

• narcissistic traits
• emotional unavailability
• not being able to admit fault
• controlling and possessive behaviour
• misogynistic, homophobic and racist views
• being arrogant/disrespectful toward service workers and people in general

[4ngelic]

when they're really really clingy, overly jealous, controlling, gets way too serious too fast, bad hygiene

[bornnoutisdee]

They ask for sex or money too quickly or early into the relationship

[Nikki1989]

• Misogynistic attitudes
• Racist
• Sexist
• Uneducated
• Lacks artistic vision
• Bad at communicating

[Meropatrick]

I think a guy who asks a girl for money is a red flag. If u r a healthy man u can bring money home and provide no matter what even if you are going to work the whole day.

[TacosRAwesome]

If I have to explain myself every time I don't like or don't want to do something and they're not satisfied with it's ugly / it tastes like ass.

[exitseven]

I ma just looking id anybody has described me. Oddly enough, nobody has yet.

[Anonymous]

Finding out they have been downloading naked young girls for years and it escalates more to find out as you get to know them.

[Shamalien]

Seems guys are allowed to comment here as well.

One must be careful with “red flags” cause sometimes a person has them and is still the right person for you. What’s important to me is that the person is aware of and willing to work on their issues.

it’s not where you are; it’s where you’re going

[shades777]

its the same stuff its slways been, literally they're all the same at the core

[ChicoFromThe305]

Just here to feed my brain if you don't mind

[Jazzy54]

• Irresponsible
• Immature and/or a mama’s boy
• Can’t keep a job
• Bad hygiene

[spartan55]

That's quite a vague pair of red 🚩 flags. Examples?

[Jdodkfndosn]

Right? The term red flag has lost whatever meaning it had. I'll also add, for every red flag that someone actually enforces and leaves, you have 19 other people who 6 months, 1, 2 years later all say, "I saw the red flags, I just didn't leave like I should have."

With that success rate, I think it's clear that people should stop trying to utilize this methodology and try finding some other key indicators that people will actually respect

[spartan55]

I'll some more completely devalued buzzwords we all see far too often: toxic, narcissist, predator, hot and cold, player, ghosted. I posted a question a while ago simply asking 'what is a player'. The answers were anything but uniform. To me this means it's a devauled term.

[strateguy632]

to spartan i agree with you about buzzwords.

[Jeitbrbdh]

She don’t suck and fuck a man right then it’s a wrap