Guys I need your input on the matter! I met a guy at work three months ago! I'm an introvert so it's not easy for me to make new friends etc, so he did put a lot of effort while at work to get to know me a little better! We befriended each other on fb and started talking there as well! What I discovered, he's more bold online with his questions than when I see him at work! Which is understandable because, it's not a suitable place to talk! Anyway, what I also did not expect is how quickly he started throwing sexual innuendos and baiting me to sleep with him! While he's quite charming when he wants to and a funny guy, I already explained to him that in no way we're going to be friends with benefits! Because to my understanding he got out of a relationship and is not looking for a girlfriend! Which is also understandable!
So here comes the confusion! We went out a few times (not on a date), the first time was his initiative and the next two times were mine only after I clarified my position on the sex thing! And he came everytime I called him! I was testing him to see where we stand because I genuinely thought since I shot his advances down, that he'll be done with me!! The thing is everytime we meet up, he's more reserved, he avoids almost all eye contact except when he teases me or wants to gouge my reaction over some bs he might have said! I feel like I'm forcing words out of his mouth!
So I'm confused! If he's not interested, why does he even shows up when I call him? Or when he does, why do I feel like he's a stranger than the guy who's not ashamed to speak up his mind online? I genuinely don't understand what's going on with him! Am I wasting my time with him? He's so difficult to read!
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Opinion
3Opinion
Women overthink male behavior.
I believe this is easy...
Learn this: Guys generally will be engaged or emotionally invested in anything as long as they believe that there is a reasonable chance at success.
Putting it in simpler terms: To guys, everything is a quest or battle. As long as they still believe that they can win, they will keep at it. Once they begin to think that they will not succeed in their quest/battle, they begin to disengage.
Here's a real-world example of this:
In sports, if the home team is losing badly and there is very little likelihood that the home team will win, many of the male fans in attendance (and it is mostly males) will leave the game early. Is it "to beat the traffic"? Not really. They may say that, but they'd stay if the home team is going to win regardless of the traffic.
In this case, the quest is "To see the home team win in the game that I am attending". As long as the game is competitive, the male fan remains in attendance. But, once it appears that it seems grim, he disengages and may leave.
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In YOUR case, you are his quest.
He is still engaged / emotionally invested in you because he values you and realizes that things could change if he continues with you and you eventually change.
So what are you doing during all this besides showing up?
What do you mean? I'm the one who first sends the messages and then I try to keep it going but it looks like I'm forcing it! It's tiresome and makes me wonder why do I even bother at this point! He's giving me a whiplash with his hot and cold attitude! Either you're interested or not! You can't have it both ways! But everytime I try to bring it up it's like a landmine! I don't know what to do! Am I interested in this guy? Yes! But if he keeps it up, I'm done!
you seem to be overthinking this situation