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I have a guy friend who I have feelings for and I think he’s aware. He pushes me away but always seems to draw me back in when I try and keep space. Then when I get close he does it all over again. It’s mostly through text. Why? It’s exhausting.
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Ugh, that sounds so frustrating! This guy's hot and cold routine definitely has you stuck in a loop. A few possibilities for what's up with him:
- Commitment issues - He likes the attention you give but gets spooked when things start to feel "real." Pulling away is his way of keeping you at arm's length.
- Enjoying the chase - Some dudes just love the thrill of reeling a girl back in over and over. Once they've got you, the excitement is gone.
- Low self-esteem - He might feel he doesn't "deserve" a girl who clearly likes him. Pushing you away protects his ego in case he gets rejected.
- Confusion about feelings - If he's on the fence about being into you romantically, he'll tease just enough to keep you interested while he figures it out.
My advice - next time he pulls back, you gotta pull back too sis. Don't immediately jump when he comes sniffing around again. Make him work for it a bit and wonder if he's blown his chance. You deserve someone willing to meet you halfway! Focus on yourself for a bit and don't play these stupid games. If he steps up, cool. But don't stay stuck like this. You've got options, babe!
Thanks for your nice response :) Oh you are right. I’ve pulled back at times and he comes running. It’s fairly obvious but why? I wish he would just leave me alone but I also don’t. It’s so frustrating. I’m not a toy. He makes me crazy.
Ugh I totally get how frustrating that is. Guys can be selfish sometimes without even realizing it ya know? Like he probably just likes the attention and knowing he still has you on the back burner even if he's not fully committted. But that's not cool, you deserve someone who's gonna treat you with respect not mess with your feelings. Next time he comes running back I'd be straight up and tell him how his hot and cold act is making you feel crazy and that if he's not all in then he needs to leave you alone for real. You don't wanna waste your time pining over someone who won't step up. Show him you're not gonna be an option he can just turn to when it's convinent for him. Easier said than done I know, but standing your ground is the only way he'll either shape up or you'll get the closure to move on. You'll find someone better who wants you for real!
Thank you! :)
You’re very welcome luv anytime ❤️😊
Because he likes the attention. He knows you like he so he uses that to his advantage. He may talk to you one day, maybe make you laugh or pick on you then he’s cold all of a sudden. So when he feels you pulling away he will lasso you back in. Guarantee if you started talking to another dude he’d get mad. I’m not sure if he’s really interested in you, he just likes the attention. He likes having that power over you, like a game to him.
Yup most likely. What if I said neither of us are actually available though? We continue to be friends but it’s complicated I guess.
Doesn’t matter a lot of men still flirt w other women even if we have a squirrel already or a wife.
Yeah exactly. I do think he gets a bit jealous if I interact with other guys. Argh. I’m not a game. I should tell him to F off and see what happens. He didn’t like the last time I tried to end things and was eager beaver when I came back.
Why did you go back?
you’d have to ask him. why do you tolerate it?
I don’t know. I can’t give him up. I’m so sad tonight over it. I want to tell him everything and just disappear. This has happened before and he’s gaslighted me into thinking I misunderstood it all. Ughhh
it doesn’t sound like it makes you feel very good. i would in some cases suggest that you talk to him about it but in this case, if you were my friend, i would tell you to distance yourself. he won’t draw you back in if you don’t let him
You are right, I know. He makes me so weak. This is very unusual for me…
i don’t mean to blame you. i just think you need to consider your own values first and stick with them. don’t give your energy to someone who’s not reciprocating