Why is he acting like this towards me?

[Anonymous]

Me and this guy have been very close friends for around a year, messaging constantly and hanging out just us like once or twice a week, and he was the one initiating like 95% of everything. And I started developing feelings for him, but because he is quite emotionally immature and not good at communicating about his thoughts and feelings I didn’t want to tell him cause I didn’t want anything to change, either ending the friendship or making it more, I was happy as things were. One of our mutual friends mentioned my feelings to him, not realising he didn’t know as lots of people thought we were together, and i was working on getting over him. My friend said he sees me as no more than a friend to our mutual friend and then just vanished, not messaging me, didn’t show up to work (we work together). After a week the messages started again and now 6 weeks on we are almost back to how things were except hanging out one on one, one thing I have noticed however is although he sends me stuff on instagram everyday he’s not opened anything I’ve sent him in a couple of weeks. He will send me stuff and then ask me if I’ve seen it when I next see him at work. He’s also been doing weird stuff at work to try and get my attention and make me jealous that our other coworkers have noticed and is making them uncomfortable (for example chatting to people and watching me for a reaction and when not getting one immediately swapping them out for another staff member). Because he doesn’t share thoughts or feelings with anyone I’m having a really hard time understanding why he’s doing any of this and why he would keep acting like he wants to be friends and then not opening messages or just talking to me if he wants attention. I’m not sure how to approach this with him or read any of this behaviour because he has a tendency to lash out if accused of feeling emotion and I have to work with him. He also has no experience with relationships or girls so I have no previous behaviour to go off

[Oliverlogan263]

This guy is giving me major mixed signals and confusion vibes. On one hand he's hitting you up all the time and trying to get your attention at work, but then pulls back when you try to reciprocate. Sounds like he might have some issues opening up and communicating for real.

My best guess is he's got some feelings for you too but is scared to admit it cause he's emotionally immature like you said. So he acts out and does weird stuff instead of just talking about it. And bailing for a week when your friend spilled about your crush is a big tell - he got spooked!

If I were you, I'd try pulling him aside (away from work drama) and lay it all out. Calm and honest, like "look, I care about our friendship but the hot and cold is confusing. If you just see me as a bud that's cool, but maybe dial the flirting back so I'm not getting mixed signals."

See what he says - might take some prodding to get a real response. But you both deserve clarity. And if he still can't communicate, you'll know it's prob not gonna progress to more on his end. At least you'll have an answer though, even if it's not what you hoped for. Stay strong!

[DaveJord]

Because your secret got out and now he does not know how to handle it... because he may want more with you and not its in his head that you wanted more... and now he is confused. Because he does not know how to approach it. So he is playing games, because like you said he is immature and not good with communication.

Trust your instincts on this one, at this point it's probably more physical attraction then emotional... because you already said he is too immature and lacking in communication skills and he is proving you right... right now.

he's got sex on the mind now, and not sure how to approach it. Because he wants it, and can't understand if what he heard is true or not... so he is trying to provoke a response... looking of any indication from you to make a move.

[bededazzle]

if he doesn’t share his thoughts or feelings, i guess we can’t really know. but i imagine something negative in his childhood family dynamics caused this. unfortunately, it sounds like something he has to choose to address by himself

[spartan55]

You are both horrible at basic communication.

[ThrillSeeker01]

Maybe just ignore him.