Can you be just friends with a guy you are in love with?

[Anonymous]

I’m in love with a guy & he told me he just wants to be friends. When he said that to me my heart dropped. I can’t even imagine being just friends with him bc I know I will be jealous. I feel offended that he even said this to me. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

[Valdemort]

Honestly, I've had a crush on someone before and never mentioned it. We became really close friends and over time I learned he wouldn't be someone I wanted to be in a relationship with.
We've been extremely good friends for about 6 years now and hang out regularly. In fact, we meet up about 2/3 times a month.
At some point this year I told him and another friend of ours, how I had somewhat had feelings for him back in the day and now we just joke about it. He talks to me about his dating life, asks me for advise, and I happily oblige, because I care for him as a friend and no longer feel the attraction I felt when I was younger.
It's not weird wanting to be friends nor to be offended, but you have to ask yourself what you value about this person that makes you feel offended and what kind of desire it is that makes you feel romantically involved.
Personally, I love to befriend the people I feel attracted towards. 1) because any solid relationship should be build on friendship and mutuality. 2) I like those people regardless of their (lack of) romantic interest towards me.
So to cut ties with someone I actually can really get along with, for the sole idea of them not wanting to be my partner... I think I'd miss out on quite the amount of beautiful people I've met over time.
Most importantly you have to relativise for yourself: is it romantic interest or lack of knowledge?
Do you value them as a person you'd want to have in your life, regardless of how they feel about you romantically, or do you value this person only for the idea you have created of them?
Anyway... not everybody likes to befriend the person they have feelings for, once they learn it's not mutual. So be careful in who you befriend yourself with, regardless of how you feel about them.
On the other hand, if you could like them as a partner, why not as a friend?

[Rei13]

You’re not wrong for feeling that way and you cannot be ‘just friends’ with someone that you are in love with. The only thing you can do is to put space between the two of you to heal and move on. You can be friends later but you need to take time for yourself to move past it and there is no timeline on that.

[Leowolf13]

It’s hard, I know what you’re going through. I was in love with a girl that loved me back, to my fortunate surprise, but she didn’t want to be a couple, which broke my heart. Before i knew how she felt, I was grateful for the friendship, but it was a struggle sometimes having to withhold my feelings. She came out first, but then said she wasn’t ready for a relationship. We drifted apart after that. I don’t think you go back once feelings are established, especially if you want more with that person. I’m sorry, I know it’s a heartbreaking situation.

[MrOracle]

Your desire to be with this guy will color every interaction you have with him, and, yes, you will have lots of strong feelings if you try to be "just friends" with him. You will be tortured far worse by being around him when you can't have him than if you cut all ties with him, and if you think that being friends with him will make him change his mind, he won't, and you will just have wasted time and effort and emotions on him for no reason.

Welcome to what every guy not in the top 10% experiences all the time.

[mentallychill]

I have the ability to dim my feelings and move on to the next — everyone is replaceable in my eyes so this a difficult one to answer. if he’s established he isn’t into you then that was him putting up a boundary. It’s up to you to decide if want to submit to that boundary. your friendship will diminish when you and him find partners, so either enjoy your friendship now or start to move on and spare yourself from seeing him with another girl. (FYI if he is treating you more than a friend and established that you will never be his girlfriend then you are being used as supply and that ”friendship” is not healthy. Don’t waste your time)

[Asker]

Yup I feel like sometimes he acts like we are more than friends but he won’t commit to me. I feel he just wants to keep me around to use me, that’s why I feel so offended by him begging me to stay in his life

[SotiCoto]

Feelings aren't generally a matter of right or wrong...
What matters is whether or not you act on them... and I'd generally say you shouldn't act on them.

So another question: Is he of any benefit to you? I mean is he worth keeping around if you aren't bonking him? Do you benefit from his presence, or do you just suffer? That is probably the answer to your question.

[Cl0core]

Being friends with someone you’re in love with is basically torturing yourself. You want to be with them but you know it won’t happen and you’ll end up feeling a bunch of unwanted emotions. It’ll be best for your mental and emotional state to drop it. It’ll save you the hurt.

[MissStrawberry912]

Often I friendzone guys, dates, and exes when I don’t see any potential/future/lost interest. But if I love/like them in hope for more, no I can’t be just a friend because it’s not fair to myself…

[BadApple69]

Guys get friend zoned all the time. We either move on or we stay friends hoping for more in the future. Sometimes it works out but sometimes it doesn’t.

[Joshydavid25]

Not at all.. You gained feelings for him.. It's fine and normal.. In fact it's probably for the best that you don't remain friends with him. Or try to act like you can..

[ChicoFromThe305]

Nah it's normal and it happens, the most beneficial thing you can do is separate and keep some distance, at least for a while until your feelings for him fade.

[Hardshell1234]

Ugh. That’s hard. Have you been friends a while?

[bededazzle]

no you’re not wrong. usually it’s a bad idea to be friends if you have romantic feelings.

[zoomio]

If he knows, does he keep quiet about the ones he IS dating out of respect for you (As I did for "M" a woman who was in that position with myself)?

[sheikalana]

I don't see that friendship going anywhere. That's actually kinda toxic in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

They said if love is not reciprocated then its not really love. Maybe thatll help you move on. If its true then it might just be a heavy like.

[boobliker]

I would say no, as you will always want more than what is given

[DextroShade]

Women do this to men constantly and every man in the friend-zone feels as you do.

[RubySunlight]

Obviously, every couple starts off as friends

[MrOracle]

No, no they don't. That's completely ridiculous to even say. They may have been acquaintances, but that's not at all the same thing.

[Anonymous]

You got rejected lol and still asking for advice 🤣

[Valdemort]

How is that funny to you? We're all fools when it comes to love.
Nothing wrong with asking for help, no matter how desperate it might seem to you.
You wouldn't want yourself to be in this position, I'm sure. Whether you'd ask for another's opinion would be up to you, just don't invalidate someone else's feelings for your own lack of understanding.

[Opinion Owner]

No you and the poster are insecure fools.

[Valdemort]

Women uplifting women. Love to see it.
Good for you to never ask for help.
May your love-life be as rewarding as your insight.

[Opinion Owner]

I dont uplift airheads

[spartan55]

How did he offend you?

[Asker]

Bc I have done so much for him for the past yr and it makes me feel offended for him in return to tell me i’m only good enough to be a friend

[spartan55]

His feelings are valid. You can't force someone to like you. For you to be offended shows a serious lack of self awareness.

[Asker]

Ok well then he can leave me alone like I have told him too instead of begging me to be friends with him

[spartan55]

Begging you? Yeah okay.

[Asker]

I’m serious he’s been begging me & blowing up my phone to stay in his life & be friends with him

[spartan55]

So block him and be done with it.

[Tharithi]

Why do u love them

[Jmmmfi4]

I AGREE WITH YOU

[PinkSmoke]

It won't be easy if you do

[collie22]

That's hard to do.