He said he wants me, would this just mean he wants to have sex with me?

[Anonymous]

I’ve got a friend who I’ve know nearly 20 years, we both went through a messy breakup 6 months ago and on two drunken occasions ended up having sex. Neither time was planned, and we remained friends afterwards with out it changing again between us. Since then on a few other unplanned occasions he’s tried to have sex, which I have refused becus I’m not sure what it means, if anything. I’m happy for it to happen as a one off etc, but not a regular thing. During the times I’ve refused he keeps saying he wants me, and asks why he wants me so bad. He says with other woman he can walk away but from me he can’t. This is usually said when he’s very aroused and clearly wants sex, but he’s also mentioned the same wording when sober and recently said sex with others has always just been a moment thing, but with me he actually wanted me. M confused by what he means by “wanting” does it sound like he just wants me to have sex with?

[Oliverlogan263]

It's hard to say for sure based on just what you described, but it does sound like sex might be a big part of what he means by "wanting" you. A few things that point to that:

- The times he's said it have usually been when he's aroused and trying to initiate sex. That suggests a physical/sexual desire.

- Comparing you to other women he's been able to casually hook up with implies he sees sex as the difference with you.

- Saying he "can't walk away" from you could mean he's extra attracted physically/sexually and wants that gratification.

However, the fact that he's brought it up when sober too, and mentioned actually wanting you and not just a hookup, shows there may be some deeper feelings there too on some level. Long friendship could add complexity.

I'd say maybe have a sincere talk when you're both calm, ask what exactly he means by "wanting" - just sex, more than that? Define what you're both looking for so there's no mixed messages. If you're only cool with a friends with benefits thing, make sure he knows that upfront. Better to be clear on where you both stand.

[spartan55]

Yes, he just wants sex. If you want more communicate that with him.

[LemiaOfThunder]

Not 100% sure

[Asker]

Me either, like I said we have just came out of long term relationships. I asked what I am to him and he said I’m his best friend, that he doesn’t want another relationship right now but he’s happy to have sex with me still….