Can a guy truly love you if he sleeps when you're mad?

[Anonymous]

There was something my partner was doing that I was confused about and needed reassurance on (I asked a question about why he did something, he came online, read it and went back offline). He does this kind of often so I asked why. He didn’t really answer that question but he did answer the initial question while saying he doesn’t understand why I’m being suspicious and that it frustrates him. His answer didn’t make sense and I wanted to ask for clarification but felt like I couldn’t because it would frustrate him more. I mentioned this and he said it would be better for him to answer tomorrow when he’s less tired. TBF it’s 9:30pm here at the time of writing.

[Anonymous]

Yes he can. Sometimes she may be mad because of something that’s out of his control. Not his fault. Women will do something they know is wrong, get caught in the lie but not admit it. Instead they will turn it around, be mad at him even though she knows it was her fault. I don’t play those games.

[Asker]

What if that’s not the case? I haven’t done anything like that.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok so what did he do that made you need reassurance?

[Asker]

He reads my messages and does not reply. Usually ends with me double texting to get him to reply or waiting hours before he does as he changes the topic when he does actually reply (never answering the initial message)

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. If he would have answered you would have responded w another message yes?

[Asker]

Yeah

[Asker]

But he’s not forced to answer immediately, that being said a couple hours without a heads up and a changed topic that doesn’t answer anything is actually something I’m not really used to

[Opinion Owner]

Ok well for one a lot of men know that when women say well why can’t he just answer it takes less than a minute. Sure it does but he knows 50 million other questions are going to come w it. So one minute isn’t one minute. Sometimes men just don’t want to deal w it at that time. Especially if he’s tired, had a bad day or something.

[Asker]

Makes sense. So in your love life has there ever been a time where you were truly in love with a woman and didn’t discuss a concern she had because you were tired or had a bad day?

[Opinion Owner]

Of course numerous times. It had nothing to do w me living or not living her. Sometimes you can tell someone something a million times but they still won’t believe you. Then you start to get upset yourself. So there’s no real point in trying to explain things a million times cause they don’t believe you. People then say well if you had nothing to hide you wouldn’t get mad or offended. Yes I would because again no matter what I say as far as what I know is true you’re not going to believe me. So yes it would make you mad. Because she’s wanting you to tell her what in her mind she thinks is going on when that may not even be the truth.

[Asker]

Okay

[Opinion Owner]

Not only that men don’t think like women. Most men don’t sit around like a lot of women do waiting on her text. Some may do that, but a lot of men don’t. I know I don’t. I have a lot of other things going on in my life.

[Asker]

That’s fine I just prefer a heads up rather than an excuse. I’d rather him tell me that he needs space or that he’s just rather than some side excuse like “my phone has to charge”

[Opinion Owner]

It’s not always an excuse. My girl tells me the same sometimes. Because for one she’s not good at charging it when it needs to be charged. I’ve told her the same cause I’m constantly on it. So it isn’t always an excuse. If he told you he needed some space your mind would be going in a million directions. Did I do something? Is he thinking of breaking up w me? Is there another girl? Does he still love me? On n on n on.

[Asker]

True

[Asker]

Thank you for explaining this to me I already understood more from this than I did from him himself. Maybe because you’re not tired lol

[Opinion Owner]

Well honestly it’s because you’re not my girlfriend. If you were I might feel the same. Meaning I’ve never had to deal w you the way he does so there’s more patience on my part. It can be complicated for women I get that. Because a lot of you are controlled by your emotions. But you tend to think because you think a certain way that we men think the same. But we don’t. That’s where a lot of women go wrong. If our answer isn’t the same as what you think the answer is you get upset, you find fault in us like we’re the problem.

[Asker]

I think you’re assuming and speaking a little bit too much from experience here.. a woman can actually have a question and receive an answer. Just like I did two times already.. sorry it seems like that’s not the case in your past/current relationships.

[Opinion Owner]

Sure she can. I’m just telling you how most men think. We may all like different things like sports, food, tv shows, but we’re pretty much all wired the same when it comes to relationships. If he’s constantly doing that to you than maybe it’s time to find someone else. Maybe he not good w issues, lack of confidence or he just doesn’t care about your feelings. But I’ve been w women too who seemed as though they always needed reassurance for a lot of things. It just got annoying.

[Asker]

Okay how do I know if it’s me needing too much reassurance or one of the reasons you mentioned on the guys half? I don’t feel like I’ve done much similar to this before but I could be wrong.

[Opinion Owner]

I honestly couldn’t tell you w out really knowing you. Being around you. Do you have a friend who you can ask? Like a real friend. I don’t mean a girl who’s going to sugar coat things. Someone who is going to be straight up honest who you won’t end up hating for being honest. Most women aren’t honest w each other. They sugar coat things because they don’t want to hurt their feelings. Actually men tend to do the same all the time.

[Asker]

Not really tbh, I don’t have anyone I could really ask. But I guess I’ll just run with the assumption that I am asking for too much reassurance and take some space away to detach.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok when’s the last time something like this happened?

[Asker]

Last week because he would hang up calls for no reason and I was again not really used to it. Our relationship is in its early stages and I feel like I’m still figuring him out. We’ve been together two weeks at best.

[Asker]

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel an urge to just never text him again. Obviously me trying to figure anything out would lead to no response at all which will make things worse or just more frustration.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. Two weeks into the relationship ship and this is happening? So maybe something is going on w him? Because most men in the beginning of a relationship are crazy to see their girl, to text or call her. But if it’s only been two weeks. What do you know about his past relationships?

[Asker]

That’s what I was thinking but I wasn’t sure. When he talks about his past relationships he says either they weren’t a match and that he struggles getting in relationships because he’s a minority (and some people aren’t interested).

[Asker]

He was crazy about me a couple days in, he told his parents about me and his friends. But then he did stuff like that and I got very confused.

[Asker]

Just an update, I told him I needed to step back and take some space while I figure this out

[Opinion Owner]

Yes something definitely going on, sucky this early in a relationship. I’d be all over you if I was him, trying to see you as much as I can. Going out. What does he mean he’s a minority? Has he been burned in the past w a relationship?

[Opinion Owner]

What was his response to saying you needed space?

[Asker]

He does want to see me but I’m worried it’s for sex. We’re long distance and I’m supposed to see him in 4 days. He said his past relationships left him hopeless and a little desperate for a girlfriend. He said being single sucks.

[Asker]

His response was no response. He didn’t say anything, he did the same thing. Read it and went back offline. I gave him a few minutes before I just blocked and said I’d be back later because I couldn’t take it anymore.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. So maybe part of him doesn’t want to get too close cause he’s worried something sinilar may happen to him like the last time. Do you know if he’s a virgin? Have you brought up sex, or expressed to him what you’re looking for. Maybe told him you’re wanting to wait.

[Asker]

He’s not virgin. We actually talked about sex a lot before all of this. Of course the more I confused I got the less sexual I felt. I mentioned I don’t feel ready to have sex because I didn’t feel that loved. He said it was fine if I didn’t have sex while there but he was pretty upset I said that I didn’t feel that loved.

[Opinion Owner]

Well men fail to realize that a lot of women won’t have sex w a man unless she feels loved by him. That’s the difference w men and women. Men can sleep w a lot of women w out having feelings for them, but a lot of women can’t. Sadly though that seems to be changing w the way a lot of girls are just giving it up easy w the whole hookup culture. He may just want sex but I think if that what he was after it would just be easier to meet someone who’s easily accessible. Meaning living near him. But he may also just want sex from someone who isn’t so close because he doesn’t really have to deal w running into her if he gets it from her then flakes out.

[Asker]

That’s true. If I had to guess I would say he was serious at first and then might’ve started to feel differently. I can’t tell but I think you’re right

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe hang out w him for a while. If he tries to keep pushing conversations toward sex than that’s probably a good sign of what he wants.

[Asker]

Okay do you think I should get my own hotel meanwhile?

[Opinion Owner]

Get your own hotel for? Sorry maybe I missed something

[Asker]

Awhile ago we agreed to see each other and I bought a plane ticket to see him. This trip is taking place in two days and unfortunately I can’t get a refund.

[Asker]

The plan was for me to stay at his place for the five days but being that all of this happened I’m not sure if I should anymore.

[Asker]

Also Merry Christmas!!

[Opinion Owner]

Merry Christmas. Well I would have gotten my own place if I was you. But even so he’s going to insist on coming to your place if you do get a room. Maybe even making an excuse to go back to his place. Like he’s too tired he doesn’t feel like driving. A lot of things could happen.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Arguments are tiresome, even thinking of them makes me yawn. That being said it’s time to sleep.

[spartan55]

You sound like a pain in the ass.