His behavior is confusing. Does he like me or is he just being nice?

[Zavarakatranemia]

Through texts it seems like he is just being nice. He always replies, he is always positive but never takes the conversation further or flirt. I suggested we get a cup of coffee casualy, but he didn't say yes or no, he just deflected. In person he makes an effort to approach me, start a conversation, teases me, stares at me, he even got jealous once (it was so cute) and sometimes it's clear that he is flirty. What is this? What is his deal?

ps1: from what I've seen and from what our common friends tell me there is no girlfriend. At least not an official one, I'm sure he has more casual situations. And I have never seen him flirting with girls when we are together at work.

ps2: we had a past of flirting a lot, getting too excited with each other and quite soon we started fighting. I was acting crazy, the fights were basicaly because of me. All the fights were through text and he is the type of person that hates conflict, he avoids them at all cost. After a while we made up (as friends) and we've been getting closer. The things I mentioned at first are things that happened after we made up. But we are getting closer only in person and at a very slow pace. Through texts it seems like he is avoiding me.

ps3: he said something a lot time ago that troubles me : "what if we stay just friends? we could be amazing friends! what if we get invlolved and everything gets ruined?". I replied horribly to that. I said "ruin what? it's not like we have anything". I deeply regret that. I regret all my past behavior and I've been working to fix it, but maybe it's too late.

[Summeroflove]

I don’t know. It’s hard to tell with some people. You asked him if he wanted to have coffee and he deflected. I guess the ball is in his court. You could wait a while and if you like him at that point. You could ask again.

Some people instead of saying no they beat around the bush. I think that hurts someone more. Not giving a clear answer so someone may think they have a chance. They don’t mean it that way. There could be any number of reasons someone doesn’t want to.

Then there are some who leave people on the back burner. A keep in mind so to speak if something doesn’t work out with someone else.

There is also people who want to play hard to get. Which is incredibly stupid and most the time results in the other person losing interest.

If you have a history of fighting then it’s possible he doesn’t like you that much and is trying to be nice. Though I can’t read his mind. Maybe it’s not a good sign. I don't know.

If you think he has a lot of causal stuff. Maybe he isn’t the best pick. People who have a lot of causal sex are more likely to cheat on you by a lot.

Flirting. Also. It depends on your definition of flirting. Irs different for everyone.

[Zavarakatranemia]

1. yup ball is in his court now
2. yes he could be beating around the bush
3. Could be that too
4. that could be too
5. No he is not the type of guy that would act nice just for being polite. He blatanly ignores people he doesn't like. Also he is not just being nice, I said he is actively making an effort to communicate and have a connection, but only in person , never through text.
6. I said I'm sure he has casual situations because he is not in a relationship and he has to have sex somehow :P But I haven't heard or seen anything, I'm assuming.
7. Well it's not only my definition, others have seen it too and they tell me. I'm not delusional

[Summeroflove]

Well. Not everyone has causal sex. But. Yeah. I would start looking for another guy. If you start to find interest in someone else. Make a move on him.

People who play games aren’t worth it.

[Summeroflove]

I don’t play games and I expect whoever I’m with not to play games

[Zavarakatranemia]

Then maybe he doesn't have casual ones. And why do you assume he plays games? He clearly has attatchment issues. Just like I do ofcourse and many other people. Have you ever read about attatchment theory? Why do we always assume the worst for people?

[Summeroflove]

If someone won’t be direct with someone. It’s either they want to play games or they aren’t interested and being nice.

I don’t know what his thing is or if he has attachment issues. But as you said. The balls in his court

[Summeroflove]

I can’t read his mind. If I ask someone though if they want to hang out and they don’t give a direct answer. The balls in their court

[Zavarakatranemia]

People are a lot more complicated than that. When I don't give a direct answer for example is because I'm not sure and I want to process it first. Especially if it's something overwhelming. I suggest you read about attatchment theory and psychology in general, since you are here giving advice on relationships.

[Summeroflove]

That’s also the point. I figure it’s best to give them space and give them time to figure it out and when they make their mind up. If they decide they like me. They will reach out.

But why wait on someone. When there’s people out there who are interested now.

[Summeroflove]

I understand someone wanting to process something. That’s why I can just give someone my number. Either they reach out to me. Or they don’t.

[syncheart]

"when we are together at work" That could be the problem. There is a girl at my work that I like too. I like her a lot. I think about her everyday. She hurt me and it has been years ago, and I still feel that pain. I still get nervous around her. She still seems shy around me, even though we have known each other for 8 years now! I even pray about it. But here is the POINT: "at work" is the big problem. Because we got to work in the same place, we don't have a 100% control of what happens. Work rules dictates, and even scares me. If something goes wrong in the relationship we can't just get away from each other, and nobody wants to risk getting fired.

He might have feelings for you, but doesn't know how to express them so that He doesn't end up getting into trouble over you. I wish the girl at my job would have an open conversation with me. But she might not even like me enough to do that. I think if you like him enough, you should have a conversation with him. Talk about what it would mean for you two to be in a real relationship, and try to balance that with your jobs. What do we do if we haft to breakup? What do we do if we decide to get married? Where do we want things to go?

[Saiesh30]

Yeah he likes you for sure but is unsure about what to do next. He's not sure if he wants to be in a relation with you or not and that could be from your response earlier to him.

[Zavarakatranemia]

Yeah I have the feeling he likes me too. I'm genuinly working with a therapist to change all my toxic behaviors. I feel so sorry I messed things up because of my insecurities

[Saiesh30]

Understandable! Nice that you're trying to fix things up.

[Staximus]

I don't know dude

[Staximus]

Doesn't sound very promising