Why are men ill at ease to praise other men?

[molonski2]

So women do it all the time..

But for a guy you seem like a Fag , today I saw this guy at the driving range who I have seen in the gym , his synergy is perfect , not too ridiculously big , but big , and has obviously worked all the muscle groups , he looked great.

I said something like , " Hey Bro , I'm not gay , so dont worry , but I just have to admire your physique , you look near perfect man " , he was happy , and said next time in gym he will spot me and give me some advice , I thanked him and left after telling my physical goals.

But , I guess the question is why can't ( most ) men just praise each other , without " I'm not gay but... " Women , seem to have this covered..

[Dr_CEI]

You've picked up on something I have long thought about. Women are quick to compliment one another, support each other, share all their thoughts and problems, they are even comfortable being naked around each other. If we as guys try anything like that we are openly ridiculed in the name of banter. I definitely believe this is part of the reason male suicide rates are so much higher. I've never been able to tell any of my male friends that I'm bisexual for fear of the consequences. Also if men were more comfortable being naked with each other then things like penis envy and size insecurity would be less of an issue

[Billlewis]

Have you seen WallyTheWalrus? Look up the term 'badass' and his picture will be shown as the definition of the term.
https://www.girlsaskguys.com/user/wallythewalrus2

He's used to driving people crazy, and he won't get upset if you give him a compliment, as long as you don't get too obsessed with him.

[Dr_CEI]

@Billlewis lol no I've never interacted with them. I'll give it a go

[Billlewis]

He's just so freaking cocky! Read some of his comments, just from today. People are like, 'Dude, you're not that hot', but that's not what mskes a lot of other people melt. I mean, I'm not talking about sex wise, I man, just from a personality standpoint. My opinion is, if someone thinks they're superior to everyone else, guess what? 99 times out of 100, they are.

[Dr_CEI]

@Billlewis yes I can get on board with that! Confidence has a huge impact on someone's sexual appeal and status. I know a less than endowed guy yet he's an amazing top just because of his character

[Billlewis]

Yeah, it's the same way with women. I'll read a comment from a woman who doesn't think she's attractive, and I try to explain that looks often have very little to do with relationships. In pretty much every other area of my life, I'm kicking ass, but when I'm on here, and he just shames me so ignominiously! I mean, on the questions and comments. There are a lot of people who need to have this done to them, and I'm one of them.

[Dr_CEI]

@Billlewis hmm interesting. I have done well in life myself and could say that in my work I have the dominant role in every way. I've often thought that influences my desire to be submissive the rest of the time. Not sure I share your desire to have my comments and thoughts put down. Some obviously lol but I do get a buzz out-of trying to help people

[Billlewis]

Yeah, you've got to be pretty warped to get off on that kind of abuse, but I love it!

[Dr_CEI]

@Billlewis hehe good for you! So happy you have a place to embrace it! Definitely more of a sexual thing for me

[Billlewis]

Yeah, he must have noticed this conversation, 'cause punking me out good tonight... lol

[molonski2]

I reckon you nailed the issues right there , so true.

[Dr_CEI]

Thanks man. Here if there is anything you or anyone else needs to talk to a guy about

[molonski2]

And I think that's really important , we should not have this quite ludicrous suicide rate , I know I have lost at least three , fairly close male friends to this , think males should speak , but we have this rather stupid blokey culture , which personally is the stuff I dislike.

[lightbulb27]

I'm not but keep it within reason. I've complemented men... it's best anytime to say what's true in the moment rather than practice and make things up. the more true and honest you are makes it... legit... not weird, or having integrity.

Do it with the right energy/spirit. Part of this is just being authentic which means knowing yourself.

[molonski2]

It was completely in the moment , this guy has a great body and he should be able to be proud of it.

[LazerBean]

It's just toxic teaching, from what I see. More specifically, boys don't see their fathers doing it, then they go to school and learn from the cesspool that is public school. We live in a community higher percentage than normal of families who have present and ACTIVE fathers, and who also homeschool correctly. The difference is huge.

[molonski2]

I'd personally never homeschool , but your point on active ( present ) male role models ( good ones ) is obviously very valid , I didn't have this and I really would have liked to have had it , result of a car accident.

[LazerBean]

I'm very sorry to hear that

[Account]

Men should praise other men. I think they should always feel free to do so and it should never be frowned upon.
It is nice to give a compliment regardless of gender.

[molonski2]

Agreed 100% .

[D_Bone_Steak]

Piss a woman off and what is the first thing she will call you? Along with penis size and not being able to get vagina... we all know their go-to bag of tricks they run to and grab out of as soon as they go on the attack. Now let me tie that to us... our mother's, sisters, aunts, and randoms we argue with in places like here on g@g usually do that... and it's an influence on us.

Then there is the faggots... I'm not joking. As any bodybuilding dude knows, you'll probably be doing it for more female attention, and yes it does get some more attention from them... but the fags and the fat chicks go on a rampage of compliments and pursuit once you get to a certain level. Online it becomes obvious when 1 out of every 4 hot chick that matches with you turns out to be some gay guy using a woman's pictures... if you're like me, you'll start to recognize it e. g. real women tend to ask for face pictures and the gays... they want to see your junk. It can make a normal straight male paranoid. ... I won't go into the old/fat women that go after you because this question is more about the homo-problem.

It's used as a slur against us, then we find ourselves chased by those slurs relentlessly, and the struggle is real. Women simply don't have these problems. A lesbo female can go through all her facebook pictures and make off sexualized comments and nobody will bat an eye...

When the equivalent happens to one of us straight dudes... even the women are asking WTF, are you a fag? I know I don't like dealing with that shit... and I doubt any other straight guy would not want to deal with that shit either.

I mean imagine it... you start hitting the weights for more female attention... then what you end up with is a bunch of horny twink boys flooding your DM's and really fat/old women. If you're going from no attention at all from anyone to that... then you know what that sort of paranoia is like. I can take compliments, but I do have an eyebrow raised and hoping to god this dude isn't about to start hitting me with a bunch of sexualized comments just because I make his dick hard.

[molonski2]

Good points , I had not really addressed all that , but you are correct.
Hows the vodka going?

[D_Bone_Steak]

Haven't had any for a while now... I got my gym set up and now I'm back to just lifting weights and trying to sleep on time.

[molonski2]

Glad to hear bro , that sounds a lot more healthy, I'm doing same 😄
. fell good.

[D_Bone_Steak]

It's going to be straight lifting weights every day, sore or not, until the 19th of next month... by then my tolerance for vodka will probably be shit, but by then... I'm going to at least get a good 10% twelve pack of beer and chill... maybe get back on this site and rant at some feminists.

Keep the grind on and hope you make as much gains as I'm about to do.

[molonski2]

Thanks mate , I'm going to go as hard as I can..
Feeling sore..

[236color]

Men especially young men, feel that they must be very careful not to exhibit any traits that might be somehow interpreted as Gay.

The reality is, there is no masculinity police, and nobody so concerned with masculinity is concerned with YOUR masculinity, only their own.

As men we often do stupid, harmful stuff, trying to prove we are "real men".

A "Real Man" is a title that has no real definition and is an impossible goal to achieve. Someone else's opinion of your masculinity is not important and none of your business.

[desidoll]

While this is true, at least men are not fake like women. Women can show how “supportive” they are towards their friends, even strangers, but then talk behind their back. There is this saying -“ too good to be true”

[molonski2]

Yes , that is true the Cattiness factor , some men do that also I must say , smile to your face , its all kinda like the movie " Mean Girls " , but the majority are not like that.

[Anonymous]

Guys are competitive and gladiatorial towards other men in their youth. We are not like women we have a hierarchy. Whether you have a group of jocks or nerdsand everything in between, the group has their hierarchy. There's usually an unofficial leader of the group and everyone accepts that guy to be the leader. And then there's typically a pecking order. Occasionally one may challenge the leader and this usually upsets the balance of things until it's resolved. This lessens as guys age but it never quite goes away. And the guys who are less comfortable with the place in the pecking look at giving other men compliments as showing weakness that might cost them their place in the order.

[molonski2]

Sorry man , that is absolute bullshit with regard to my life anyhow , I've always played to the beat of my own drum , and have never run around like a dog pack.. sounds utterly sickening , not relevant to me at all.

[Opinion Owner]

And that's why you have no friends.😆

[molonski2]

Utter Bullshit , I have never hung around in blokey environments , that sht is toxic , and it has nothing to do with the question , what you describe is a pack of prehistoric dogs , disgusting.

[Opinion Owner]

I think you're taking this much to serious and personal man. In life there's always a game behind a game behind a game. I didn't say you couldn't find friends within that system. But to pretend that this stuff does not exist is just naive.

[molonski2]

It may well exist in football teams , or pub brawls or the like , all I'm saying is it certainly does not exist in my world and never has , have never played those games ever. But , each makes their own choices.
Good luck.

[Opinion Owner]

Fair nuff.👍

[BoopBoopBeep]

I dunno. I praise guys all the time. Guys praise me. Not all of them caveat it with "no homo" or something like that. Maybe it's a regional thing?

[molonski2]

Thats great BBB , AWESOME.

[BoopBoopBeep]

At the finish line, at the gym, when somebody is getting ready for a date (or had a bad one). When somebody does something/gets something thats' really cool to them. Always try to be supportive of that even if it's not my thing or I don't understand it.

[molonski2]

Agree 1000% , and I have seen some of that in the gym , even when it comes to spotting and motivation , advice.. But , I've also seen a lot of muchco bullshit too.

[DizzyDesii]

Its all in the delivery and actual statement. It can sound gay no matter who says it. Either the guy or girl could say to the same sex “Damn i wish i had a shape/physique like yours” and that doesn't sound homo. But if either were like “Damn you’re hot/your body is bangin” or sumn that sound gay lmao

[molonski2]

My point is , I kinda felt the need to say " I'm not gay but.. " I mean this particular guy knows I'm far from gay..
But why should I say like that? Its really stupid..

[DizzyDesii]

In todays world, the smallest compliment can make the same or opposite sex think you're flirting. So again, its all in how you word it. You didn't have to say “im not gay”. Your statement alone didn't sound gay because you said “i admire your physique”. Its not like you said “you’re hot”

[molonski2]

Hmmm yeah , maybe Dizzy .. Im not sure.

[Billlewis]

I don't have any problem whatsoever praising the number one stud on this site --

https://www.girlsaskguys.com/user/wallythewalrus2

Because he dominates that ass.

[Wallythewalrus2]

I’m looking in the mirror, Bill, I think I actually see a little bit of blushing showing through my gorgeous tan.

[Billlewis]

@Wallythewalrus2 Yes, Sir, thank you for granting me the privilege of praising you.

[molonski2]

Good for you Billy , nice bro , love it.

[Billlewis]

Thank you very much, Sir.

[molonski2]

Thankyou for answering Bro , appreciated.

[Billlewis]

All he does every day is embarrass the fuck out of me. And believe it or not, some of us need that in the worst way... lol

[Joshydavid25]

I agree, but usually if a guy compliments you, he really means it whereas a lot of women just kinda compliment women because they feel it a duty, or are being kinda fake about it. I compliment guys at the gym as well.. I just usually say "looking good man"..

[grega239]

Because we dont need it.

I gave a friend praise for building an entire room with beds and closets for his 2 daughters by himself.

But other than that the guys i hang out with currently, praise comes in the form of roasting each other

[molonski2]

Yeah , that's the exact attitude that needs to stop , its quite ludicrous..
Every negative ( roast ) builds and grows , and negative energy is horrendous.

[grega239]

But its not negative. Its always been that way as far as I've experienced.

Dont be such a wimp

[smne35]

Macho thing I guess, but it's funny how when watching sports they heap all the praise on them, but guys don't want to come off as soft or sensitive it's

[Apple1996]

If a guy is saying "he's not gay" "no homo" there is a 95% chance that he's acutally gay

[molonski2]

Well , I'm clearly not remotely gay , but I still felt the need to say it , and thats my point with regard to the actual question ,
The entire scenario is ludicrous..

[Apple1996]

Yeah you shouldn't feel forced to say that

[molonski2]

But I also get what you mean and thats kinda the point too -- and possibly why I felt the need , anyhow , on this occassion he certainly understood what I meant..
And asked about his golf swing , which honestly ( I know he is not a good player ) but this guy easily could be , he obviously has sports skills and is playing multiple sports.
I always think when I see someone seriously ripped ( male or female ) how good you would feel when you woke up each day..

[DaBiggestBird]

Because everyone knows nothing but fake news! They’re the kind of people who think the Sun and Moon anime was better than XY/Z. Really it’s probably a strategical pursuit to slowly destory society and corrupt it Anthropologically speaking.

[iFarted]

That's a phenomenon only in Western culture. People in the western world seem so afraid to be called or looked at as gay. Who gives af... if you know yourself and confident then f what others think.

[Jamie05rhs]

You can compliment other dudes all the time, man. It's just kinda weird to compliment their bodies.

[molonski2]

I disagree ,
I really like synergy and I know how much effort it takes , its not easy to be that perfect.
And bottom line , you should be able to , women do.

[Anonymous]

The fear of sounding gay is enough. And saying I’m not gay sounds like it would often be considered suspicious. (“He’s definitely gay because he insisted he’s not.”) I know that sounds silly, but it feels likely regardless.

[LiamJHayden]

Never thought about it. I have no problem praising guys or girls who impress me in some way.

[molonski2]

Thats good..

[Passerby2]

Personally I have no problem giving a genuine compliment to a guy. If people think it's gay then they're probably gay.

[Anonymous]

I praise my friends by going to them for advice about something I know they are knowledgeable about.

[Roudyrebel8]

Certainly not all but I think most are

[molonski2]

A vast vast number.

[Anonymous]

Omg, English, what are you asking

[molonski2]

I'm Sorry? What are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Yeah afraid of being gay

[molonski2]

And thats the entire point of the question " Look , not being gay " - preemptive

[MiddleKeys]

Jealousy and awkwardness.

[molonski2]

Yeah was not jealousy , just know what it takes.