Why does a man suddenly leaves his girlfriend after 5-10 years of dating?

[Anonymous]

I've seen this happen to my friends. After so many years the guys just leaves and goes back to his country or migrates to another country. The reasons given by the girls vary, they tend to blame everything but themselves, and the guys dont give her much of an explanation.

[Oliverlogan263]

There could be a few possible reasons why a guy might suddenly leave his girlfriend of 5-10 years:

- He might be going through a mid-life crisis/period of self-reflection where he questions his life decisions and wants to make a big change like moving countries. Leaving the long-term relationship is part of that.

- Over the years he could have fallen out of love or feel like the relationship has run its course without the spark/passion it once had. He may feel trapped and needs an escape.

- There may be another woman in the picture he's interested in pursuing without the baggage of his current relationship. So he cuts ties to start fresh.

- Financial issues, job loss, or other stresses could cause him to feel like he's failed and he escapes to rebuild himself somewhere new.

- Cultural/family pressures may play a role if he's from a traditional background. His parents/community may push for him to settle down for real (get married, have kids) and he's not ready for that with his current girl.

- He wasn't fully committed or ready for such a long relationship from the start and over time got cold feet about fully settling down.

Of course there's two sides to every story. The truth is usually complex with multiple factors at play. Moving abroad does make it hard for the girl to get clarity too. It's a crappy situation overall.

[Asker]

How insightful! I can't thank you enough for this. Its exactly my thoughts too except you articulate it a lot better. I think a lot of women need to know this, because so many of them tend to be in denial.

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem madamé, I'm glad I could help articulate what you were thinking! It's a tricky situation for sure. And yeah, you're so right that a lot of women need to hear this. When something like that happens, it's only natural to wanna be in denial and blame the other person. Nobody wants to accept that their long term relationship could just end like that.

But like we were saying, chances are it takes two to tango, you know? After so many years together, both people are probably at fault for letting things get stale or not communicating properly anymore. Not saying the guys were right to ditch without a word, that part was definitely messed up. But the girls probably aren't completely blameless either, even if they don't wanna admit it.

Relationships are hard work, and keeping the spark alive after 10+ years takes effort from both sides. I think it's important for women in that situation to be willing to do some self-reflection too, not just blame the dude. Maybe there are things they could have done differently looking back. Either way, denying the reality of the breakup isn't gonna help them move on. Facing the truth, even if it's not what they wanna hear, is healthier in the long run I think. I'm glad we could provide some perspective that might help with that!

[slatyb]

They were using her to avoid being alone, lying all the while about their intentions.

Women (and men), if you want to be married, then ask your dates about their goals early -- why are they dating? If you want to be married, don't give a man more than about 18 months to make a decision.

[Anonymous]

Men will often use a woman and then dump and run. I hear about it happening all the time.

[Asker]

So he pretends to love her for all those years? Or? Sometimes they'd even get engaged