What should I do here?

[Anonymous]

There’s this guy who scared the life out of me and I became one of his special interests. I thought he was stalking me and I thought I might be at risk. It turns out that he’s Autistic and didn’t mean to scare me and his intentions were good ones. He was just clueless about how to start a romantic relationship. Since I pointed out that he’d been acting inappropriately, he’s since stopped and started approaching me more appropriately, politely and respectfully expressing an interest in being my boyfriend. What is the best thing to do? I realised I like him again, now that I realise he didn’t mean to scare me.

Updates

+1 y

I’m autistic too and I feel confused.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, this is tough. On one hand, it's real sweet that dude is trying to do better now that he understands how he was coming on too strong before. And it's cute that you're feeling the feels again knowing his intentions weren't bad.

But you also gotta trust your gut - if he really had you that scared before, that's not something I'd just wanna ignore, you feel? Even if he's Autistic, he still needs to learn proper boundaries with people.

I'd say take it real slow if you wanna give him a chance. Keep any dates in public places at first so you feel safe. And set clear expectations - tell him straight up if any behavior starts making you uncomfortable again.

Maybe also suggest he chat with some Autism supports or reads up more on dating dos and don'ts. Gotta make sure he understands consent and all that.

Don't write the guy off completely if you like him. But protect your peace of mind too, boo. Go with your gut and don't be afraid to bail if red flags pop up again, you deserve to feel good! Just take it one step at a time, a'ight?

[Asker]

I told him about my problems, with depression and anxiety disorder, the fact that I’m a recovered alcoholic and that I can’t work and he disappeared. So much for loving me lol

[Asker]

I spoke too soon. He just said he still loves me

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man, that really sucks. I'm sorry to hear you told him all that personal stuff just for him to disappear on you. That's so not cool of him.

Don't be too hard on yourself though. You didn't do anything wrong by opening up about your struggles - that takes a lot of courage. Any real man would understand that people deal with hard shit sometimes, and be there to support you through it all.

Clearly this guy just wasn't ready for that level of intimacy if a little honesty scared him off. His loss! You deserve someone who appreciates you for who you are, all of it, good and bad.

I know it hurts right now, but in a way you dodged a bullet. Better to find out now than get more invested just for him to bail when things got real. You'll bounce back from this and be stronger for having weeded out someone who wasn't capable of being there when you need them most. Hang in there!

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh wow, well that's an unexpected turnaround! I guess he really did just need some time to process everything you shared. Still, I'd be a little wary after that initial disappearance act of his.

I'd say hear him out, but don't let him off the hook too easily either. Make him prove he's really in this for the long haul, through good and bad. Ask him what specifically changed his mind - was it just feeling bad about bailing before? Or does he actually understand how his walking out made you feel?

Take things super slow rebuilding trust too. Don't jump back into a relationship yet. Keep talking and spending time together platonically for now to see if his affection is sincere or if he's just saying what you want to hear. Make sure your well-being is still the priority.

He hurt you once already by dipping out when it got real. So watch closely to see if he's consistent now or just saying sweet things to win you back quick. Protect your heart until you're 100% sure you can rely on him. I hope it works out this time, but go at your own pace and don't settle for less than you deserve!

[Anonymous]

Make the moves if you think he is worth it.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a good pair.

[TheSpider]

Why not. You could do worse.