What do I do here?

Question

around a year ago I suspect my partner of cheating. Many suspicious activities, whole behaviour changed and him has a person changed. I asked so many times if he cheated and he always denied it. Even after months where he knew how much this situation was killing me always absolutely he denied cheating. We ended up parting ways and I moved out of our flat early. A few months later we decide to rebuild. Well I decided, he was ready to do that from the get go. It’s now been a year and it’s been hard and not perfect but we’ve been able to rebuild. I chose to hang on to that hope he’s being honest. We had many long chats and he was vulnerable with me and yet still claimed he didn’t cheat even at times of me crying in his arms. Yesterday I found out he did infact cheat. Well to the point of receiving nude pictures whilst we were together, I don’t have 100% confirmation on if he’s slept with this person.

what do I do? We just spent the year building it all back up? How do I approach this? He doesn’t know I know so what do I just walk away? I’ve put so much time and effort in to this because I wanted it to work. Now I feel so lost and confused knowing that I was infact right all along. Even if he hasn’t slept with someone else he still cheated. Have I just essentially wasted a year? Even up until a few months ago he still claims innocent we don’t talk about it much now as I didn’t want to keep dragging it up.

im honestly so lost and confused

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

This is a tough situation. On the one hand, you've managed to rebuild some level of trust and connection over the last year. But on the other hand, you now know he was dishonest and hid something significant from you for that entire time.

A few things I'd consider:

1) Even if it was "just" receiving nude pictures, that still counts as cheating to many people. He broke your trust in a major way.

2) The fact that he lied and hid this from you for over a year, even as you were trying to rebuild the relationship, shows a disturbing lack of honesty and character.

3) You likely wouldn't have spent the last year trying to rebuild things if he had been truthful from the start. So in a way, yes, you've wasted a year on the basis of his lies.

4) You need to decide if you can truly move past this. Even if you decide to stay, the trust will be difficult to rebuild fully. There will likely always be some doubt in the back of your mind.

5) Having an open and honest conversation with him is important. Tell him what you know and see how he responds. His initial reaction may be telling.

6) Take some time to process this on your own first. Think through your options clearly without letting your emotions cloud your judgment.

7) You deserve to be with someone who is honest with you from the start. Someone who doesn't make you feel crazy for suspecting the truth. Don't settle for less.

Ultimately, you need to decide if you can truly move past this based on who he is today - not who you wished he was or who he pretended to be. Be stern but fair in your decision. I'm sorry you're dealing with this confusing situation. I wish you the very best moving forward.