Why does an old man (40+) hate on a twenty something student?

[Anonymous]

There is a man in my department that acts very polite and charming around everyone but me. He was supposed to train me but neglected me despite him not being busy at all. For some reason he just didn't like me ONLY from the very beginning but would be open to befriend everyone else including other students. I went on to work with another supervisor that was more professional and didn't pay me any mind until I noticed that his "female best friend" at work started giving me dirty looks several times for no obvious reason. Now she even stares me down when i walk past, gets quiet when she hears me talking to others, looks back at me when I am behind her or stands up to walk closely behind me in the hallway. When I would bump into them alone in the lobby on my way out he would point me out "oh it's xy" so I'm pretty sure they are talking about me. The dude ignores me as best as he can, acts very rude to me but would mock me or make fun of me when he is around his friends (like staring me down while screaming GOOOD MOOORNING enthusiastically with a wide grin). Since we hardly ever interact I'm pretty sure I never did anything that could piss him off so why does a 45 year old dude openly hate me and gossip about me with his work wife and incite her to hate on me too? Like wtf?

I don't think I'm ugly by the way and I dress better than most employees

[Flatmanlewis]

I was once taught something which helped me mature in my own workplace considerably. It may be of use to you.


“80% of the people who you work with are nearly entirely indifferent to you. They don’t really think about you at all unless you are in their orbit for some project or temporary moment.


15% of the people are you are around are your work friends and tend to like you and enjoy your company and contributions.


3% are your peeps. They are your friends. You hang with them outside of work, make plans together, and confide in each other. They are your advocates and supporters. You will be friends with you even after to leave the job, Unit, or team you are on.


2% don’t like you. They make outright hate you or more commonly just not be a fan and see you as a person they don’t want to be around, get to know, or help. They may be snide little smart asses on the sidelines or they may actively sabotage your success. Either way it’s just part of life. They may dislike you for any list of reasons from the way you talk, to your style, to your being ugly or beautiful; outgoing or shy; skilled or still learning; the focus of their crushes attention or maybe just remind them of someone else. Either way it’s just the way it is.


We tend to spend way too much time worrying about the 2% than the rest which is kind of normal. Stop. Move on. Don’t waste your time.


Stop trying to be liked by everybody.
Even you don’t like everyone.”


This mindset helped me a lot in life.

[normalice]

I'd have to observe him to come up with a better guess but usually it's either because he wants to bone you or because he wants to make clear that he doesn't want to bone you.

Conflicts in race, religion, or class are also common explanations.

[Asker]

why would he want to make it so clear that he doesn't want to? its not like we interact often and he does flirt with other women openly

[normalice]

If you come across as being "on the hunt" and he doesn't want to be with you. I'm not saying that is the case only that that's usually when a guy tries to be as blunt as possible at shutting down all avenues for approach.

[normalice]

Oh, a simple trick is to start wearing a wedding ring around people you want nothing to do with so they don't have to have their hackles up one way or the other,

[Asker]

what would make you think a girl is on the hunt? I'm not by the way. I hardly ever talk to him about anything so why would he think that?

[normalice]

For me it's just a sense I get and so far I have been pretty unerring but I'm also empathic to the point of extreme frustration on my part because I have to isolate myself to stop picking up on what others are feeling. I don't know how other guys detect it. My guess is some random thing he associated with being chased in the past. Indeed, I would say the fact that you are wondering about it suggests you are giving him attention, even if unintentionally.

[Asker]

This dude that acts like this towards me once leaned very close to my face when he was standing behind me and I was showing him something on my screen. Like our faces were next to each other and he was almost pressing his cheek to mine. Why did he do that if he is not attracted to me?

[normalice]

As I said it could be that he is attracted to you and is just trying to get your attention. I can't know without observing him myself.

[Asker]

No I really dont think he tries to get my attention

[normalice]

The rudeness you described could all be attempts to get your attention.

[Asker]

Yeah but why would he want that and why would he do it like that? He is also very short when I try to talk to him and gossips with his work wife about me and now she stalks me like wtf

[normalice]

Again, of have to observe him to come up with a better guess but the common reason is insecurity. By being rude he can always deny being interested if you make clear you consider him well beneath you.

[spartan55]

How many times are you going to post this?
You are paying far too much attention to those people. STOP assuming so much stuff that you have no idea is true or not. No one hates you or is gossiping about you. If they are, who fucking cares? I'm having a difficult time believing you are just a random victim here.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why is this problem necessarily explained by the age difference?

[Asker]

The age difference just makes it weird. It’s as if I would have beef with a 4 year old.

[OlderAndWiser]

No, a 4 year old child is a child, not fully responsible for their conduct. You are an adult.

[ProbablyClueless]

Sounds like y'all just don't get along... Sometimes personalities just don't align.

[laly520]

he is simply toxic

[Asker]

but only to me though. everyone else likes him

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... if the common denominator is you, look inward.

[Asker]

@KrakenAttackin they are the only ones that act like this

[KrakenAttackin]

Do you wear the hoe uniform?

[Asker]

what is that? No I dress decent