"Too early for love" after 5 months of dating - what gives?

[Anonymous]

Been dating a guy from an app for 4.5 months. He was showing consistent interest & we went out often. He always texted me a lot, wanted to talk on the phone, initiated dates & hangouts. Didn't immediately pressure me to sleep with him. We had similar interests & passions, like an ideal match. We started hanging out more at his place, slept together after 2 months (my 1st time). Introduced me to his friends & one day asked for a relationship, I agreed. He said he'd never felt so good with anyone.

However, over time I started to pick fights as he often travelled with his friends without me & made excuses. He mentioned he wants to travel to a small town by the seaside with his friends in the summer for 2 weeks & they'll go to a club like they do every year. I wanted to be included, especially after I heard 'clubbing and drinking' which is a good occasion to cheat. Also, leaving his girlfriend for 2 weeks? A no for me.

Recently we had an argument (one of many). I said he should compromise & take me with him for the holiday or not go. He disagreed & said we're not together, that I'm not his girlfriend but we're 'dating' & we're not officially a couple since we haven't had that talk & because I don't trust him at all. Umm.. he'd asked to be in a relationship with me first.. I thought everything was official.

He said I was too controlling & that I always have pretences & don't care about him. He said we were not close enough to be boyfriend/girlfriend as we didn't see each other/call/text enough & said he felt uneasy that I treat it as if we're already a boyfriend & girlfriend. He added a girlfriend wouldn't start fights & would ask if he was ok instead. Then he said something awful. I said if he loved me he'd take me with him & he replied it's too early for him to love yet & he needs time. What? He's been acting like a boyfriend all the way until I started that fight. I was sure we were in a relationship. I don't understand why he said it & I feel so hurt.

[Oliverlogan263]

OMG girl, this is such bull from him! You totally have every right to be hurt and confused.

First of all, after 4.5 months of consistent dating, sleeping together, meeting friends, and him literally asking you to be his girlfriend, then suddenly claiming you're not a couple is so misleading and unfair. That's way past just casually dating.

Second, of course you don't want him going on a solo trip with the boys where there'll be drinking and clubbing without you after everything you've been through together. Any actual boyfriend would understand that boundary.

Throwing out that it's "too early to love you" is such a lame excuse after leading you on so deeply. He's totally backtracking now that you're quite reasonably asking for some commitment from him.

I'd say this guy has commitment issues and isn't willing to be the boyfriend he made you think he was. You deserve so much better than mixed signals and excuses! Do not take him back - he'll just keep treating you this way. Your worth isn't defined by him. His loss, and you'll find someone deserving of your heart.

[TommyMountainFigure]

He wants to be in a relationship with you, but also wants the single life.. and doesn't seem to understand you cannot have both whilst expecting your partner to be ok with that!

If I were you? I'd leave him. No explanation, nothing. When he decides to contact you, don't answer him.. no contact whatsoever.. just block him..

I don't like people who show no respect to those they say they care about, because their actions speak volumes!