If a guy suggested we get coffee does that mean he wants sex or he wants to get to know me?

[Anonymous]

[DishLady]

WOW... the leap from coffee to sex is a serious stretch kid. If every guy who asked me to have a coffee wanted sex from me... I can't even tell you.

Coffee is a social thing. If a girl asked you to meet her for coffee would you presume she wanted to jump your bones? Probably not. So why would you think that about a guy?

I can say of the >1M cups of coffee I've had since my school days... perhaps three coffee invites were an actual date.

Relax, enjoy the coffee, see what you and this guy talk about, THEN you can ask one of your "what does it mean" anon questions, ok?

[Asker]

I have a child and he offered to pay for a babysitter, is that kinda weird?

[DishLady]

So it's not so much about the coffee, it's just a chance to keep ruminating about the babysitter issue you've posted about before.

If you're feeling anxious about the guy then don't go out with him.

[SugarSugarplum]

Maybe.
Some guys want to get to know girls a little before dropping $300 on a real date.
Some guys think asking for coffee is less threatening and we're more likely to say yes.
Some guys are hoping to leverage it into a one night stand and ghost us the next morning.
It's just important for you to keep safe and not let him push you into anything you're not comfy with.

[hahahmm]

In my life, I never asked out a woman who I found unattractive. Guys are very visual. That doesn't mean he literally wants to jump on you & have sex tho. Sure, some guys are desperate and only looking for sex PLUS think they have to take you out to get sex. Other guys are looking for real relationships.

Guys are often disappointed, by the way.

[hahahmm]

Anyhow, it doesn't matter either way because you don't know. If you find something about him repulsive then don't agree to a date. If you find something attractive, then agree and see what he wants.

[Asker]

He offered to pay for a babysitter because I have a child, is that a red flag?

[hahahmm]

It's strange. A normal guy has zero interest in paying money like that for another man's child... especially when he is not in some kind of really deep relationship with you. I've always said if you have a kid it's best to date other people who have kids or just not to date at all till your kid is almost an adult. Most women don't like the second option.

[Vermillion30]

Last girl I liked I wanted to get coffee and and talk about bad horror movies (B-Rated cult classics) I just wanted to talk about something I’m passionate about,

Sex for me is the last thing on my mind, casual sex and having a lot of partners is not my interest.

[Explorer91]

nah is the equivalent of getting a drink. It is a pre date basically. If it goes well you can go to dinner together. Plus some people either dont drink or drink enough during the week already with friends or coworkers or other dates that they do not want to get another drink or they be drinking too mcuh.

[236color]

Ok, get over the idea that any man that asks you out EVER doesn't want to have sex with you ever. He may not plan on propositioning you in Starbucks, but he has at least considered the possibility that at some time he might like to have sex with you. Straight men don't date women because they just want to have sparkling conversations. If you have never even considered the idea that you might at some point, like to have sex with a man, I recommend not dating men.

[VoyeurGuy]

As a man, I do that. It does not mean he wants sex. It means he wants to get to know you. It also means he wants to do it j a public place in case you are a mental case and he needs to leave without any drama.

[Asker]

I have a child. Why would he offer to pay for a babysitter if it's a first date situation?

[hahahmm]

@VoyeurGuy if I were still on the dating market I would be wearing a vest cam like a cop. For evidence that I didn't do anything wrong.

[VoyeurGuy]

These days, that might be a good idea. I've heard some real insane and wacky stories.

[hahahmm]

In the news recently was a story of a woman who got a date on a dating app. She never opened the door but she called the cops on him and accused him of threatening her and being a stalker because she changed her mind about the date.

[Dr_Lovejoy]

I think opting to get alcohol would be more of a sign for wanting to have sex. Either way, neither are a “for sure sign” one way or the other. If you’re interested, go have the coffee or drink or whatever. It’s not like there’s a magical spell he can cast on you to get you in his bed against your will. Until you hear him ask you if you’d like to go back to his place or to a hotel, I think you’re safe about being surprised by sudden sex.

[silvermoon84]

Unless he’s suggesting having

coffee either at his house (or yours), I highly doubt he’s interested in only sex.

[Asker]

I have a child and he offered to pay for a babysitter, is that kinda weird?

[silvermoon84]

It is a little weird. Most guys (and women) don’t want to pay up front for a kid that isn’t there’s. It may not mean he wants sex, but it could signal desperation on his part (meaning he’ll do whatever it takes to get a date). Tread carefully.

[DJB72]

Probably he wants to get to know you. There's actually more guys out there still wanting traditional relationships than a higher body count than Ted Bundy...

[Asker]

I have a child and he offered to pay for a babysitter, is that kinda weird?

[Aubrey97]

It's not really an either/or. He may want both. Plenty of guys ask this to get to know you and plenty ask this to try and have sex. Without knowing the guy, we can't say for sure.

[strangeatcircleK]

I honestly don't know anymore. You would think coffee and I would think coffee but every guy is simply different. If I were you, just keep the coffee meet up in public and avoid meeting in private places until you know them better

[Asker]

What about the babysitter part?

[strangeatcircleK]

I can't see that in the description

Can you restate it for me

[EmmaMary]

Usually means he's desperate to give you a damn good fucking.

[Alex-Snow]

I think that is a good 1st date. Sure as u know most younger guys want sex but he may want to get to know you first. Do you want to try the coffee date? How old is the guy?

[Asker]

He is 27?

[Asker]

He is 29*

[Alex-Snow]

A coffee date is a no brainer... and it is in a safe place... I say go for it

[Asker]

I'm not sure if he even asked me on a date. All he did was suggest that maybe we should get coffee sometime. Also I'm a single mom and he offered to pay for a babysitter, would that be a red flag?

[Alex-Snow]

Not sure on the babysitter... that is a bit much for a coffee get together. Maybe meet him for coffee and see how it goes but take care of your own babysitter fee.

[HusamRocks]

Sex of course unless he is a MAN if u know what I mean 😁

[Makeushiver]

It could even mean that he wants coffee Actually sounds like port-date since coffee is the least demanding of public socializing. Few offer the. "why don't you come on unto my PH for a nite cap

[OlderAndWiser]

I don't often see people having sex at Starbucks.

[Asker]

True but he offered to pay for a babysitter, is that a red flag?

[OlderAndWiser]

Sounds to me like gentlemanly behavior. Have you been out with him previously?

[Asker]

Not at all but I know him

[OlderAndWiser]

Is he picking you up at your home or are you meeting him at the coffee shop?

[Asker]

Meeting him at a coffee shop not too far from where I live

[OlderAndWiser]

Daytime meeting? That sounds like he has offered you an extremely safe first meeting and one that should not be threatening to you.

[Asker]

Yes it would be in the daytime. He actually hasn't set anything. All he said maybe we should get coffee sometime, is that still the same? I think he said it like that because he knows I have a child

[OlderAndWiser]

Sounds like a good start. When I was dating, I usually invited a woman to meet me for dinner at a nice, busy restaurant with valet parking. I didn't ask to pick her up and didn't ask where she lived. At the end of the date, she drove herself home. If she had any concern about not knowing me, that offered her a safe way to meet and judge me in person. After the first date, I only had one woman who still wanted to keep her home address secret; I am now married to that woman.

[HelpfulWoman]

that he wants to buy a drink. just coffee means nothing yet

[Asker]

He also said that I was perfect, would that imply he is only after sex?

[HelpfulWoman]

no. its words. they don't particularly mean anything

[Asker]

Okay I have a kid and he offered to pay for a babysitter, would that be a red flag?

[Nikki1989]

If he is mature, it could mean just coffee and chat. If he is an immature male, he will have ulterior motives.

[stratford]

It means he wants to get to know you. He's probably had sexual thoughts about you, but is decent and wants to move forward in a way that coud lead to something special.

[pervertedjester]

Coffee or Breakfast, in my mind, just means he wants to get to know you without sex or flirtation being in the way.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Do you know a lot of people who have sex at coffee shops? How do they not get burnt?

[ProbablyClueless]

Who would go on a coffee date to get laid? 😂 That's definitely not a get laid kind of date.

[Asker]

I have a child. Would it be a red flag that he offered to pay for a babysitter?

[ProbablyClueless]

Not necessarily a red flag, but it is kind of simpy. Like, why pay for your babysitter? Unless you two are actually close, it's just a weird way for him to step up so early.

[Asker]

Should that deter you from going on a date with them or simply tell them you don't have to pay for the babysitter?

[ProbablyClueless]

I'd probably just tell him not to worry about paying for the babysitter and then go on the date. Don't read manipulative intentions into the gesture until you have a more solid reason to, you know?

He's probably doing it to be genuinely helpful.

[avery58]

It probably just means he wants to get coffee with you and talk.

[slatyb]

He wants to get to know so that he can decide if he wants sex. Isn't sex the reason we date?

[AnswersFromThisGuy]

Depends, where are they meeting? Because if we’re at a club and a guy offers that then he most likely wants to hook up but if your just talking on the sidewalk then he probably wants to get to know you.

[rienna888]

He wants to get to know you to see if you're worth dating or to have sex with

[handsomelad70]

At first, the latter, though it may lead to their former.

[Anonymous]

If he is mature, it could mean just coffee and chat. If he is an immature male, he will have ulterior motives.

[Anonymous]

Some want to get to know you and some don't but all want sex.

[4ngelic]

can be either one or both

[shortster]

Coffee/dinner dates are getting to know you dates

[Asker]

Why would he offer to pay for a babysitter? I am a single mom.

[shortster]

He wants to make sure you show up? Though, he may be trying to lay the ground work for guilting you into sex. Just remember that him paying for a date is not an agreement for you give him sexual gratification.

[jahaims]

No way to know from this context

[FreyaRed]

Both...

[Anonymous]

Ask him

[HotManPlayboy]

Wants to sex