My boyfriend goes to bars alone frequently. Isn’t it strange?

Question

We've been together for 3 months now. I feel disrespected by his frequent solo bar visits and drinking habits. He said he knows it looks weird but sometimes he is hanging out with the bartender, I said yes it is weird, but he continues despite knowing it bothers me. His behavior drives me crazy. Am I overreact?

hahahmm · Accepted Answer

Here's what you do. Stop complaining about it 100%. Put on your hottest outfit & make yourself look your best. Look up reviews of bars and find one you think you'd like to check out. Tell him you think his hobby of going to bars without you is great and you're going to pick up the same habit. Be 100% serious and really do it. Who knows, you may find a guy who is more interested in hanging out with you instead of the bartender. This will push your boyfriend to decide if he wants to be solo or in a relationship.

Now a lot of people seem to think you have zero right not to like what he's doing but I think they're ignoring the fact that you have only been together for 3 months. At that point not a lot of trust has been built up. You're not married. You haven't even been together for a year. It's absolutely ridiculous for anyone to expect you to just smile and go along with whatever the guy wants, regardless of how it makes you feel. The world is full of other guys, some of whom have more time for you. And no, I'm not saying a guy doesn't have a right to 'me time'. But what one does in the early stages of a relationship is very important and has a lot of meaning that many ignore.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Not at all, what he is doing is disrespectful to you and the relationship, How would he feel if you were going to bars solo without him on a steady basis? So you have every right to be concerned , Going to the bar once in awhile is fine but going steady is a red flag , if he likes to drink , then it’s cheaper to buy his own alcohol and drink at home. So you have every right to put your foot down to him and express your feelings of concern to him , if he doesn’t listen to you, dump him

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It’s up to you to decide what this is going to mean for you and him going forward. Personally I do find it a bit odd for him to frequently be going alone, mainly because I know what type of women he can run into at the bar and is probably chatty with the bartender. My boyfriend wouldn’t do that. In any case, you man knows how you feel about it and just doesn’t care, which means you either stop bringing it up and make peace with it or leave him because he doesn’t respect you. You can’t twist his arm into doing what you want though, it has to be his choice.

Kayla45 · Accepted Answer

It could be considered strange, just try asking him if you could come along.

MisterWack · Answer

My belief is this, he doesn’t want you to focus or worry about his drinking habits / how frequent…. If you were there it would be in your face like “This is how bad his drinking problem is?”, he doesn’t want to share the burden / his feelings…

I see it, that he treats / looks to the bartender as a therapist for his mental issues or whatever he is dealing with personally. He drinks to help aid his personal issues in a self medicating way instead of facing the problems head on. Please open up to him and say, you are worried & concerned and you love him that you care for him. Whatever it is you can take it on together and get the help he needs, it won’t be found at the empty bottom of another bottle of beer… it will be found through actual help. Ask him what’s really going on and you want to help.

blunty · Answer

It can feel a bit strange if your boyfriend goes to bars alone often, especially if it’s not something you're used to seeing or doing yourself. Some people just enjoy the vibe of being out in a social setting, even if they’re by themselves. While this isn't necessarily a bad thing, it’s understandable to have questions or concerns about it, especially if you feel left out or unsure about his intentions. The best approach is to have an open, honest conversation about how you’re feeling. Share your thoughts without accusing or assuming the worst.

Dr_Lovejoy · Answer

Does he come home drunk or try to hide his drinking when he’s at home? It could be an issue with alcohol and/or substance abuse. One of the signs of potentially being an alcoholic or problem drinker is habitually drinking alone. I battled with my own drinking issue I developed during college. That was something I did myself. Find a bar where nobody knew me and drink until I could hardly see straight. Just a suggestion.

whiskeyontherocks · Answer

Not sure about his reasons but I usually go out to eat just so I don’t have to eat alone. And have a cocktail.
My girlfriend usually has already eaten ordered junk food or is asleep so I have a choice of shit take out that’s not going to properly fuel my body, wake her up while cooking and get a ear full, or go out and decompress before heading home shower and gently sneak into my bed. I work long odd hours so take that into consideration.

on_my_knees · Answer

You knew what you were getting into with a Vanilla relationship: 0 guidelines, 0 rules, 0 expectations. Next time, have them sign a slave contract. Then he'll have a choice: a) the bar b) a whipping

Stetson · Answer

My thoughts , bars are for single people and alcoholics... but in today's world too many people have no morals thus no respect for anyone thus he is showing you no respect. Seems he wants to be single and keep you waiting at home

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Bars are for single people. If you’re married your bar and clubbing days should be over.

If you’re in your 40’s or older and still frequenting bars you likely have some maturity and probably financial issues you need to resolve.

Nikki1989 · Answer

You don't seriously think he is really drinking alone, I hope.

SweetJoyGirl · Answer

Yea, you should dump him. Personally, I wouldn’t put myself through that stress and anxiety. 🤷🏾‍♀️

edmwarrior · Answer

As long as he isn't getting shitfaced all the time I don't see a problem. Some people sew, some people go to bars alone.

Surely · Answer

That can only be settled between the two of you! Would you go with him to the bars? How would you feel if he was going to a gym instead of a bar?

stratford · Answer

He has a drink problem. He either needs to get a handle on it quickly or you need to get away from him before things go downhill.

Juxtapose · Answer

He just wants some time alone to drink and chat people up. If you don't trust him then break up with him.

RingOfFire · Answer

I think there's reason to be suspicious. There's more going on there.

OhLongJohnsoning · Answer

My dad goes to a bar often, but, he's always wanting mom to come too. He likes the food there. She likes it too

In_Trance · Answer

You're wrong here

Anonymous · Answer

Not really I go alone a lot, might do some business and I'll get a couple of Scotches down, I wear a wedding ring to avoid unwanted attention

dudegreat91 · Answer

Most probably you're overreacting. Being too suspicious is not healthy

Cheerfull009 · Answer

May be he doesn't have enough money for both to drink

dustybiker2 · Answer

Get a PI or trust him?

exitseven · Answer

Is the bartender a woman?

jahaims · Answer

That is normal for a drinker

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

No. He just wants to chill alone for a bit.

NotSlowestSloth · Answer

He sounds a lot like me

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

You poor thing

Anonymous · Answer

It is normal thing

My boyfriend goes to bars alone frequently. Isn’t it strange?

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