What’s happened?

[Anonymous]

So we are both married, we have been extremely close for 8 years. He’s my college at work, and it’s borderline emotional affair type friendship, though we don’t label it that. We speak everyday except weekends, and have for 8 years. We say we are best friends, but with flirty undertones. The past year we kissed at a party; and since he’s pulled away a little whilst I’ve became more attached. We’ve switched locations at work (wasn’t our doing) and now we don’t see each other. In may he made the effort to come out, and we spent the night with friends. He hugged me goodbye and we spoke as normal the following day. I asked to see him alone and he refused and said it would be wrong, and he doesn’t want an affair. I was annoyed, I never asked him to come and fuck me so I ended communication and blocked him. 3 months later I guess I missed him and reached out, he said j was rude but welcomed me back. A few weeks later we still hasn’t spoke, even though I had unblocked him so I messaged and said for him to stop sulking, to which he rang me and shouted that he was busy at work and I had turned into be emotional wreck. He has never shouted, and has never said anything mean before. I blocked him again and this time I will leave him be becus clearly I have became annoying. Just wondering what the hell has happened the past 8 years becus I’m so confused.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see how you don’t realize what’s going on. You both made a mistake yes people do that all the time. But he realized it, then corrected it by telling you it was wrong. He told himself it was wrong. I get it may be hard to just be “friends” again after a kiss, but you have to accept that. He doesn’t want to get into deeper waters w you on this. You on the other hand won’t accept it. Your loyalty to your husband isn’t as strong as what it should be. It’s disrespectful. Yes he disrespected his wife also but he cut it off. He knows what’s more importsnt, what’s at stake, the vows he took. You’re willing to throw your husband away by continuing to try to engage in this.
Then after you cut him off he let you back in your life, but you still didn’t respect his boundaries. You came off as psychotic to him. He’s realized what he did wasn’t right. You need to move on. Leave him alone. I’m not putting this entirely on you either, you both hand a hand in this as far as it leading to where it did. He just stopped, because he knew it was wrong. Sounds like you’re already checked out w your husband emotionally. Most women who act like this are already involved emotionally w another man. A man who has an affair can usually sleep w a chick w out being emotionally involved. I’m not saying neither is right, but I think on your part it’s more dangerous cause you’re emotionally attached to him, not your husband.

[TommyMountainFigure]

What's happened is, he has a conscience and realises kissing you was a mistake! Then when he let you back in, you went off the deep end at him, so he returned the compliment!
To me it seems like a simple case of him knowing he crossed a line and then feeling guilty about it!

[Asker]

I guess I’m annoyed that he didn’t want me like I wanted him. And I don’t mean sexually I know that’s wrong and nothing can happen, but he didn’t want to spend time with like I did him, all I ever got is it’s wrong bla bla bla. Yet he’s the one who pursued the friendship over the years and got us to the level we was at, then he backs out. I feel angry at him more than anything, and wonder how he’s feeling. I don’t think we’ll talk again, and we won’t see each other at work due to new locations. So that’s that, the end of an intense friendship over with a shotry ending.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I read what you said and came up with a difference of opinion.
Yes I realise you're angry at him, but I think you are more angry with yourself for allowing him to manipulate you into a friendship on his terms, only then to decide to break things off.

[Asker]

Yeh I think that’s it. I feel like I want to cry where I’m so angry. I feel he’s encouraged me to feel a certain way about him, I spoke about my feelings often, and they started years ago and at no point did he say ok I don’t feel that maybe we should stop. He encouraged everything between us. He was the touchy feely initiator, he held my hand and hugged me when no one was around. He made contact 90% of the time. I feel like he wanted me until he got me, and now he’s happy to just leave me feeling shit and carry on with his life. I know he can’t forget me yet, we spoke daily for years, but I don’t think he’s thinking positive things about me anymore and probably feels I became a crazy woman towards the end but he retracted emotionally months before I left. Slowly he started pulling away, which made me angry. He strapped listening to how I felt, and yeh I guess I became too much as I’m not his wife.

[Asker]

That’s exactly it, I said that too him. Everything has been on his terms. He has had everything he wanted his way. I just wanted 5 minutes with him, nothing sexual, but he wouldn’t allow it and is happy for us to leave it unless I renegotiate and do things how he wants me to do them. So fuck him, I feel so much resent for him it’s unreal.

[Asker]

I feel like he’s led me on and then ditched me. So yeh I feel annoyed at myself for not seeing it for what it was

[TommyMountainFigure]

You have to learn to forgive yourself, as in doing so will make you stronger and less susceptible to making the same mistake again. You also need to as part of the healing process.

[Caroline91]

I know it hurts, but... No, he's not the one who pursued the friendship over the years. You both did or it wouldn't have lasted 8 years. Acknowledge your part in it and then go figure out how to be a loyal wife or get a divorce.

[DishLady]

I'm not sure why you initially blocked him... But once you block a person, don't unblock them. There's no point to it. You're only messing with yourself.

Yes, you're being emotional. He kissed you and pulled back... you didn't respect that... But then you blocked him... and then unblocked, which shows you didn't even respect yourself enough to stay away from him... And now you pushed him to the point of yelling at you...

He's married. He's not obligated to report to you for any reason or with any frequency.

If you're blocking him, just do it... Don't keep generating nonsensical drama this way. Makes you look insane.

[EmmaMary]

Sounds very much like you're one of the biggest Red Flags around... And I'm certainly not surprised in the slightest that this poor hounded guy has now hopefully put sufficient distance from you... Leave him in peace to get on with putting his marriage back on track... In the meantime you need to fucking Grow Up and start acting your age.

[Asker]

Your that boring type that men want to escape and find closeness with someone else.

[EmmaMary]

Thankfully I just happen to be in an extremely happy and very stable marriage... Thank You.

[Asker]

Affairs make men happy you know, if your husbands happy it’s not becus of you. Trust me.

[EmmaMary]

Really? You don't half talk a load of complete and utter fucking Bollox. smh

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[Anonymous]

Sound slike you wanted an affair and pushes to hard and he got hurt emotionally.

Then it became playing games blocking ingoring... Missing your friend

The friendship took a big hit and is over it won't be the same.

Guess it would have been worth a few affairs for you if he said yes! Would you leave your husband for him?

[Asker]

It all started after I asked to see him, and he started banging on about how we can’t have an affair, which I found quite rude becus I never asked him to come and meet me for sex I only wanted to see him as a friend, and just talk. So I left and blocked him for a few weeks then returned, but he didn’t seem best pleased I was back and didn’t make contact me with atall so I questioned it and asked when he’ll be done sulking and he went mad at me, I then blocked him again without replying and we haven’t spoke since. He’s still blocked and I’ll keep it that way but he if wants to make contact he could find a way. We have plenty of shared friends. It’s been 4 months now and it’s the longest we haven’t spoke for for 8 years, I wonder how he’s feelings, or if he hates me, or if he’s just forgot me.

I can’t say I’d of left my husband for him, but I can’t say I wouldn’t have either. Sex didn’t matter to me, I know that’s wrong I only ever wanted to spend time with him, but he wouldn’t allow it.

[Asker]

How did I hurt him emotionally?

[Opinion Owner]

You left and blocked him for a few weeks! After he was saying you two can't. Basically screaming if we can't have an affair I don't want to be friends or talk with you!

Even a guy would be hurt by that. A girl would be screaming at you how you hurt her and it's not fair!

So your husband must not be fun to be around then if you might have left him for a friend. You may or might not ever want sex with?

[Asker]

I love my husband. But I suppose this friendship developed over 8 years and we forged a good connection, he said so much that I can’t forget. How he never wanted to lose me as a friend, how if life was different we could be something, how I’m special… then he can let this happen between and our in 0 effort to make it right. I feel kinda angry at him like why don’t you want an affair with me 🤣 what’s wrong with me. I know he’s cheated on his wife in the past and it was meaningless. Just a one night stand. He always said he respected me too much for that and what we had was worth more than sex. I guess men really do just tell you want you wanna hear

[Opinion Owner]

Well why not word your question like that?

[Opinion Owner]

Also ever think he did not like your looks and you were major friend zoned? Kept around as just a fun friend and when you tried to be more he ended it with 0 effort?

Sounds like most girls with guy friends.

Also this was not a good connection as it ended as soon as it got rocky! Just cause it went 8 years smooth does not mean it was strong in any way!

This guy cheated probably for excitement and well 8 years knowing you... Probably found you boring as his wife.

[Asker]

Well I haven’t been entirely truthful. We have slept together on a few occasions, so I’m hopeful he found me attractive. I would say I’m above his league and he’s below me looks wise. I’m not big headed, but he isn’t anything special. I think you’re right about being bored of me, I feel bored of him. 8 years is a long time. Thanks anyway.

[Opinion Owner]

Girls leaving so much out and expecting a right answer! Reminds me of my math teacher!

[Asker]

Well to be fair you don’t have a lot of room the write to real truth, and if it’s not kept short people wouldn’t bother to read. So yeh, over all I don’t think I’m an emotional wreck, I think it’s normal to be attached to someone you’ve been having sec with over a year. Maybe he needs to have his own mental health checked.

[spartan55]

You were becoming too close for his comfort and wisely drew a line. Not sure what you are all mad about.

[Asker]

Why encourage me to get so close, I couldn’t have got so close without him encouraging it, just seems like he led me on then left me.

[spartan55]

Led you on? Bullshit, you admit in the comments that you had sex with him 'a few times' which changes the entire story. You acted all indignant when he wouldn't see you one on one saying 'it wasn't for sex'... you need help. No one led you on lady. You're just a typical gross ass cheater.

[spartan55]

And someone can 'encourage you to be close' all they want, doesn't mean you have to do it.

[Asker]

I never made any advances to him ever; it was always him to me. I only wanted a friendship and was happy to continue that in a real in person way. He refused to see me unless we was with a group of people, or was happy to text me all day. Either way, I think he’s a loser.

[spartan55]

You only wanted a friendship yet fucked him who knows how many times... yeah right. You crying victim of here is such crap. You 'not making any advances' doesn't mean shit! You also didn't turn down his advances Married Lady. Nice try.

[spartan55]

You admit you are pissed because he doesn't want an affair with you in the comments... if you're going to lie learn to keep your stories straight at least.

[Asker]

I’m annoyed that he doesn’t want a real friendship with me beyond texting all day. I don’t want a sexual relationship with him. Yes we’ve had sex, and lots of times I’ve turned down his request for it. We’ve only had sex 1/2 times throughout the friendship and it was never planned beforehand. I only wanted to see him face to face, to talk, to laugh..: I didn’t want meet and have sex. But he keeps labeling having a friendship an affair even when I’m clear I am not asking for sex!

[HelpfulWoman]

you're a crappy person.