I (27) went on a date with a man (38) who told me he wanted to keep contact - repeating this multiple times and expressing a desire to see each other again - but didn't see dating as an option due to distance.
We were talking for a while, but I would always start the conversations and as time went on, he would take longer to respond. It made me feel uncomfortable, so I told him I would no longer reach out because I didn't want him to be bothered by my messages, but that if he wanted to talk - he was welcome to reach out.
He told me he didn't mind me texting him, but that if I wouldn't "that's fine," because he "didn't want me to feel uncomfortable". Should I take his word for it, have I been too eager to keep talking or is this his way of saying he has lost interest in keeping contact? I'm confused.
Hmm this is a tricky situation girl. On one hand, him emphasizing he wants to keep in touch is a good sign, but his communication dropping off after a while sends mixed signals fo sho.
It sounds like distance is for real complicating things between y'all too. I don't think you did anything wrong necessarily by telling him you'd back off texting first. You were just trying to avoid feeling anxious waiting for replies, which is smart.
My spidey sense says he may be losing a bit of steam going long distance. But he also doesn't wanna outright reject you, so giving space was polite. I'd say ball's kinda in his court now - if he's still interested, he'll make an effort to reach back out within a reasonable time.
But girl, protect your peace either way! If he takes too long, don't sweat it. Keep your options open and someone who's really feeling you won't leave you questioning like this. You deserve better than grey area situations. His loss if he don't step up!
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1 y
Our last conversation was spread out over two weeks because he took days to respond.
When I said I'd be open to kiss him again unless he was dating and didn't want to see me again. He liked the message, then told me I could be dating someone myself as "I was quite the catch" But I feel u was just his way of saying he no longer had an interest in seeing me at all.
What I don't understand is that he would text me about being intimate and the desire to see me all the time before that. So I feel like it's ok for him to do that but not for me?
It confuses the heck out of me. Especially considering he would still say things that indicated it was ok for me to keep in touch, yet never reciprocating directly.
Ugh girl, I totally feel your confusion! That back and forth hot/cold behavior is so frustrating. Sounds like this guy really doesn't have his stuff together when it comes to communicating clearly.
It's like he just wants the attention and ego boost of you chasing him a little, but isn't actually willing to put in any effort of his own. You're right, it's super unfair and disrespectful for him to act all intimate at first and then turn it around on you like that.
Some guys just can't handle when a gal brings up the possibility of something real. Gets them all spooked. But that's no excuse! He should be straight up about what he does or doesn't want instead of jerking you around.
I'd say don't chase after him anymore, sis. You deserve way better than a dude who takes days to reply and can't reciprocate interest consistently. He seems happy keeping you on the back burner as an option while not committing at all. You're worth more than that!
Hold your head high and let this dude go. Your person is out there who won't play silly games. He's missing out by not snatching you up fully. His loss, girl. Keep your chin up - better things are coming, I just know it!
Sounds like he was being straight up, he isn't comfortable with the distance and wants to pursue other options. If you like him a lot, maybe try visiting him and see if it's something that would work. If not, drop it and move on yourself.
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1 Reply
Asker
1 y
Over the course of a few weeks, he has started taking multiple days to respond or even read the texts, so I feel like he has changed his mind about keeping contact altogether. I would like to see him again, but from what I understand, that's no longer mutual (even though he hasn't expressed that directly)
I really doubt he's lost interest in you. Plus most guys are usually pretty straightforward. He likes that you reach out to him, and welcomes it. But if you feel like that you are doing something wrong or anything communicate with him and ask. I'm sure he'd love to help you stabilize and help the relationship be better for you both
Doesn't sound like he has any interest in you? Why did he meet up with you even once if the distance is too great? Did either of you move after the meet up?
The fact that you always initiated the conversations gives you your answer. When a man is interested, he initiates too. Sounds like a letting you down easy kind of response from him. Put your energy elsewhere.
He tried letting you down nicely but he does not really want to talk! Giving big hints about it too! Sorry
He is trying to ghost you! He does not like you much after the date
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8 Reply
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1 y
I mean, sure if it was just that, I understand.
But whenever we were texting, why would he keep sending me pictures of himself and tell me to cuddle if he so 'clearly' didn't want anything to do with me?
Why not just be honest when I asked for his thoughts without sugarcoating, multiple times?
@spartan55 the only thing I wasn't reciprocating was the fact that he joked about seeing me naked, whereas he told me right before that that he didn't see dating as an option, but hoped to see me again.
I know he had a genuine interest before that, which is why I rejected it - because I didn't want to make a wrong impression. But it confused me to read that he still wanted intimacy.
Now, I understand men are different about that then women, but it doesn't make sense if you don't want to date and then joke about being intimate, take a step, yet still not reject me directly. But then when I joked about intimacy, it was reason for him to go cold turkey?
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