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My longterm boyfriend canceled on me last minute when we planned our event in advance. And it was not an emergency cancel. He just changed plans because he was tired.
He has a habit of being inconsiderate and thoughtless.
Anyway I texted him how it's very poor form and how he took me for granted.
He texts back i can meet you later like 7 I should be done.
I did not respond and will not respond for 2 or 3 days to let him stew. Then I will give him a list of expectations. If not adhered to I'll dump him.
Guys is this the best way to get a guy to start respecting you?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
I mean, an ultimatum isn’t necessarily an unsuccessful way to get a guy to act the way you want him to, and I’m sure this is just the latest in a long stream of bad habits. I think it might be better to explain how much it hurts you rather than just giving him the silent treatment, that gives him the chance to confront the issue and solve the problem he didn’t realize you had as a couple. Men want to solve problems, they want to fix things, and yeah if you give them too many chances it gets exhausting, so outline the problem and then give him the solution alongside the consequences of his actions if he doesn’t follow through
i. e. “Every time you flake on our plans that we made together in advance like this, it really hurts me because it tells me you don’t value me. I know you have your own priorities, I just want to be one of them. We both made plans for this and I know we were both looking forward to it and while I understand that you’re tired, I thought you and I could gain some energy back by spending time together doing something we both wanted to do. If it exhausts you to spend time with me, I’d rather we not spend time together at all as your energy is something you should prioritize. I don’t want you to join me if it’s not fun for you, or if you’re just going to be cranky the whole time. We planned this to have fun together, and if you don’t have fun with me then maybe we should talk about if we should be dating at all, or if we can do anything to change that.”
I did all those tonight. This man isn't going to change. He needs a codependent or submissive woman. Or one that needs his money lol
Are you the OP?
Sounds like you should have given him your list a long time ago. I'm sure he didn't become this way overnight. Which means you've been putting up with it for a while.
I think your pulling away stunt is pretty pointless, he won't care about that. Just tell him your boundaries/ultimatums now, and then get ready to walk. Because he won't change, guaranteed.
You're right no way is he changing. He's very selfish. he's said i didn't do ot to intentionally hurt you. I'm starting to feel
he's very emotionally immature and at his age the selfishness is way too enfrauned in him.
Engrained
Yes because he's so good a hen we are together. But apart he's got a million things going on and I get lost in the mix. I told him tonight he spends much of his free time with biz partners and stuff I was wondering if he's on the down low
Lol... pretty big leap on your connecting of the dots...
I really don't see you breaking up with him. You are trying to find any excuse you can for his birthday behavior instead of just seeing him for who he is. "didn't do it to intentionally hurt you". Really? Don't can't even give a decent excuse.
Communicating your wants and needs
I've done that many times. So now everyone is telling me to show him by pulling away. Disappear for a few days to shake him up and show boundaries
I don’t like that
Me either but it would certainly make me wonder.
Moxie72
He won't care, I promise.