Different between guys playing hard to get vs not interested?

[Anonymous]

Please explain in detail the difference like behavior wise etc

Updates

1 y

Also meant to ask what it means like what’s the point of it?
1) the guy likes you and wants to mess with you psychologically so you like him back?
2) he doesn’t like you but wants attention?
3) he wants to use you
4) other ( please explain)

[spartan55]

Let me put it to you this way, between my teenage years, college, and all through adulthood, I have NEVER known of ANY guy to play hard to get. We let you girls have that racket, even though it rarely works and usually has the opposite intended result. (maybe that's why guys don't do it)
If you believe a guy is playing hard to get with you then you are simply lying to yourself.

[Asker]

So if he’s playing hot & cold ( acting interested one min and weird the next) does that just mean he doesn’t like me?

[spartan55]

It means you aren't the only thing in his universe, and he might have something else on his mind.

[Asker]

Got u, I appreciate ur honesty!

[spartan55]

Sure thing!

[Asker]

Sorry one more question. Him and I r both innocent & shy ( neither of us have been in a relationship in 3 years & don’t go out often). So. I’m trying to figure out if he’s just scared, doesn’t like me at all, using me for attention, etc. like im so lost bc ik i sound delulu but i promise this man isn’t a fuck boy

[spartan55]

In what context are you interacting with him?

[spartan55]

If he hasn't been in a relationship in three years I can guarantee he isn't playing hard to get.

[Asker]

I’m sorry for this novel but I wanted to explain. eveything. - Friends on snap for 2 years now; talked on and off forever so we know eachothers whole life stories
-last year we had a class together so we always helped e/o with work through snap but had assigned seats so couldn’t sit near e/o or talk in person.
- this fall we have a class together & it’s our first time talking in person
• the first month he was always smiling at me, laughing at everything I said, being flirty & then all of a sudden stopped when I gave the same energy back.

We now have e/o #s and talk almost everyday BUT he’s so inconsistent
• one min he responds in SECONDS and the next he doesn’t respond for HOURS

• one min he’s sending multiple messages, continuing the convo, acting intrigued. Then the next he’s being dry & weird.

for more context: we talk before class than talk while walking to our cars together & we’re always laughing and joking around
• we’re both shy & very innocent around the opposite genders which I think plays a part in this all

[Asker]

Does this mean like he would axtuslly be easier to get since he would prob be more desperate for one?

[spartan55]

No the desperate thing isn't in play here. So you've known him online for two years and you only interacted in class? Okay, weird. Have you ever hung out with him outside of class?

[Asker]

Online meaning Snapchat bc we go to the same school and have mutual friends. We know e/o whole life stories. And yeah we worked out a few times together and will stop and talk if we run into e/o on campus and usually talk for like 10 mins after our class tg. As I said we also text but it’s inconsistent

[spartan55]

Maybe he has a girlfriend.

[spartan55]

You are making judgements about his interest centered around text behavior... uh... why?

[236color]

No it isn't. Guys are genuinely not that subtle. The only way a guy is unclear about his interest is if he's too shy to make a move. The test for this is for the woman to make an advance that he can't talk himself into believing he misunderstood. Again guy obvious, not cat language, looks, tail and ear positions. If you ask him out and he says "no thank you", he's not interested.

[HollyK21]

As the other said, men don’t play games, they either like you enough to put in the effort, or they don’t. One thing you have to keep in mind is that he can be a good person, but as a boyfriend he really sucks. Like he can be kindhearted, shy, and whatever else, but none of that means he will be a good boyfriend.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s all true. It’s also awk we’re both so unexperienced and have only been in one relationship and both of ours happened to be 3 years ago

[HollyK21]

There’s a big difference between inexperience and simply treating others the way you want to be treated, or knowing right from wrong. I say this because you don’t want those talking points to become excuses for bad behavior. Like it doesn’t take much experience to reciprocate effort, like planning a date or communicating when you’re apart. We all have gone through the clumsy stages of dating for the first time (or two) and it may not be perfect, but at least be willing to try.

[Nikki1989]

Someone playing hard to get might be inconsistent in their behavior, alternating between hot and cold.

[Asker]

So like if he’s responding fast & acting interested one second but then taking hours to respond & being dry the next?

[Summeroflove]

Let me explain that people who are genuinely interested aren’t going to play hard to get. Either they aren’t interested or are playing games. Notice it’s playing hard to get… Therefore it’s a game. It’s best if someone doesn’t reciprocate when being direct about how you feel.

If you’re putting more effort into someone then they’re putting into you that’s a red flag and expect that to be the rest of any relationship to come of it, IF it ever does.

People who are genuinely interested in someone will show interest when you show interest to them. So be direct tell him you like him and see if he wants to grab coffee or something. If he ain’t direct or says jo the balls in his court

[abc3643]

Oh, this is an easy question!

Number of guys playing hard to get = 0.
We don't do that.

[jazzy34]

Men don’t play hard to get.

[Asker]

So if he’s playing hot & cold ( acting interested one min and weird the next) does that just mean he doesn’t like me?

[jazzy34]

Why would you even *consider* someone like this?

[Asker]

Bc from the beginning it seemed like he liked me till he switched up and now it’s just back and forth and confusing. If u want more details look at my other post 💀

[jazzy34]

You need to get away from this guy. He’s playing with you. Real men don’t behave like this.

[Asker]

Ik I sound insane but that’s why I’m confused. Bc he’s innocent and shy like I am, we have the same morals/ values, he’s like the nicest guy ever and when we actually see e/o we laugh and joke around the whole time. It’s just over text he acts weird. I promise I’m not crazy, my expectations r so high and I don’t just go for any guy

[jazzy34]

You have high standards, but you’re willing to settle for a man who’s inconsistent. That makes no sense whatsoever. But I’m done with this conversation. You want to cling so tightly to this guy. I hope you don’t end up losing your mind over this guy. Take care. ❤️

[Asker]

He just started being uncondidtent and only over text lol but bye

[spartan55]

@Jazzy34
The guy's universe isn't focused on her, and it shouldn't be. It has nothing to do with being 'consistent' but whatever that means.

[spartan55]

@jazzy34
A guy who hasn't had a girlfriend in three years isn't playing anyone gimme a break.

[jahaims]

If a guy is playing hard to get avoid him anyways