He followed another trans woman after I told him this…what does that mean?

[Anonymous]

I told him that I thought he closeted and I told him his soulmate is probably a trans or man.. he follows a trans woman’s explicit page (sexually)

I think a bit after I told him that he blocked me and followed another one… what does that mean? She also had some slight revealing clothes. Where you can see her print

He doesn’t know I know he follows them

Romantic interest

Sexual interest

Other

[Flower7]

Sexual interest definitely. Possibly romantic also, there's no way to tell.

[Asker]

Shut the fuck up

[Asker]

How about that

[Flower7]

How are we supposed to know whether he has actual feelings for these people or not, just based on him adding them? But because the photos are explicit, that's a clear sexual interest.

[spartan55]

How about this theory... It means nothing. re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[Asker]

Then you are gay too

[spartan55]

Lol... riiight 😂

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Holy fucking shit, he dumped you. Move on. At this point I’m starting to think it’s a fetish

[HollyK21]

Good thing he didn’t even read it right?

[Asker]

He did because he blocked me

[Asker]

He closeted Holly get over it. It’s plain as day!

[HollyK21]

That doesn’t mean he read your message he probably saw you reaching out yet again and blocked you right there. Even if it were a burner account he’d block that too. Grown, sound minded men don’t have time for that weird shit.

[Asker]

No he blocked my phone number

Sound minded and grown but ghosting women and not telling them he’s bi?

[HollyK21]

He probably blocked you right after that closure phone call. You blew up his phone, cussed him out, did the most, he didn’t want you contacting him anymore.

[Asker]

No I wasn’t blocked remember I told you I “accidentally sent him that text” to see if he would answer..

We stopped talking in December… I did the “check in” text in march…

Then I told him this in June … and it said delivered

Then I noticed I was blocked some time after that

So he proved my point! But you keep making excuses and defending him…

[HollyK21]

So basically you sent a text and eventually he blocked you, that does not mean he read your no matter how you chop it up. Even if he did read it, why would he respond? He doesn’t wanna talk to you.

[HollyK21]

**read your message

[Asker]

Holly he's MAD BECAUSE I CALLED HIM GAY.. a straight man would not care because they know the truth. He proved my point by doing that lol

If he really didn’t want to talk to me he would have blocked the accidental text

Use logic

[HollyK21]

Here’s my logic: why would I respond to a message that isn’t true? Especially if the context is very blatantly structured to rage bait me?

[HollyK21]

You’re so worried about his sexuality, if I were in his shoes I’d just think it was weird and bizarre this woman I haven’t spoken to in months is still trying to contact me after I very clearly cut her off? It was already enough with you blowing up his phone and cussing him out, for you to come back around again making outlandish accusations, you just look crazy for that Chels. For real.

[Asker]

ITS NOT AN ACCUSATION! YOU don’t listen! Again!!

He follows TRANS WOMEN WHO ARE NAKED! He FOLLOWS MALE MALE FEMALE PAGES AND these people are in the same city!

He watches HOMOSEXUAL CONTENT on twitter! And the people he follows are in the same city!

USE LOGIC instead of trying to prove me wrong and call me crazy. ACTUALLY listen to what I’m telling you!

Not telling someone you’re bi makes me upset!

[spartan55]

I forgot. Everything on social media is real... Duh...

[HollyK21]

It is an accusation because he’s not here to confirm or deny otherwise. Stop making yourself look foolish.

[HollyK21]

@spartan55 mind you this all started from her “thinking” she saw him in the store then went on a wild goose chase creating scenarios that don’t exist.

[Asker]

You’re not going to gaslight me after I just fucking showed you the evidence! Shut the fuck up and leave me the fuck alone.

[HollyK21]

What happened to checking yourself into psychiatric care? You said you’d do that weeks ago.

[spartan55]

She really should.

[spartan55]

It's hard to keep up with this insanity sometimes. But OP posts, about it so much it's impossible to forget.

[Asker]

How about you stfu I got this

[HollyK21]

@spartan55 it’s what she does on the weekends apparently 🙃

[HollyK21]

Chels how can you say you got this when you’ve said multiple times that you don’t? You’ve said yourself you’ve lost control, don’t know what to do, don’t know how to stop, you feel embarrassed, the shame is too much. You lost control a long time ago and it’s only getting worse. You should get that help already.

[Asker]

Why do you make me feel like what I’m saying doesn’t matter? If I showed you proof why are you shaming me?

[Asker]

I went and explained what was going on they just referred me to outpatient… so the help you want me to get? They suck.. they don’t help you

[Asker]

So evidently it’s not that bad

[Asker]

There’s so much proof.. like him liking a post that says church allows you to be cheaters etc but you can’t be gay… hmm okay but I’m the problem when I’m addressing his sexuality

[HollyK21]

Okay so why not ask your therapist for suggestions or a referral? Something needs to happen Chels because this has just gotten so bad. It’s not normal to not have moved on from this person after a year when so little happened between you. This whole topic has become redundant, anyone who used this site regularly knows who you are and we all have very similar sentiments, does that make us all gay or weird or gaslighters?

[Asker]

I don’t talk to my therapist I let her go and went in to an actual psych hospital… I explain some stuff.. he just said okay you can do out patient… I don’t want to do that…

I’m tired of therapy..

Now stop asking me. My thing is he’s gay and you don’t see it

[HollyK21]

Chels, why would you do outpatient? You really think because you’re not “bad enough” to be in the hospital that you don’t need help at all? Outpatient is STILL getting care! You’ve complained about not getting help, then you finally have the opportunity to get it and you run away. Like have you even looked into outpatient care in your state? You spend more time looking into stalking that African guy than you do looking into things that will actually help you live a better life. You’re so dismissive and oblivious to this very clear mental health crisis.

[HollyK21]

**wouldn’t you do outpatient

[HollyK21]

Your issues FAR surpass this guy, you’ve just made him the catalyst for whatever reason. As if you don’t have a history of other shit wrong and that’s what you need the help for.

[Asker]

He triggered me… he is deceitful..

[HollyK21]

So wouldn’t you like for it to finally make sense why you’re so triggered a year later? Because nobody but a professional is equipped to tell you that.

[Asker]

I got played by a gay man… that’s embarrassing

[HollyK21]

I disagree with that but in any case move on. People get played everyday life doesn’t just stop for them they move on.

[Asker]

Oh no this is predatory not getting played

I genuinely hope he’s embarrassed and I hope one day he comes out

[HollyK21]

He didn’t prey on you though.

[HollyK21]

Embarrassed? Chels he called you unstable, that’s what he thinks of when you come to mind, not embarrassment. He jumped ship then gave you closure after when he didn’t have to — he is fine. According to you he may have a girlfriend and living life well as a doctor.

[Asker]

He did.. he knew I was “unstable “ and still did what he did

[Asker]

He should have never talked to me… he only jumped ship because he knew he was going to dump me after sex bc I’ll get attached… and it’s so fucking evident

[HollyK21]

And you could’ve stopped talking to him too once he crossed your personal boundary. You try to blame it on coercion and predatory because he showed you some empathy and kindness. You’re not used to that from men.

[HollyK21]

That text message made you fall to your freaking knees and to me it was just him being kind, clarifying he meant nothing sexual and saying you shouldn’t make everyone pay for another man’s sins.

[Asker]

You fall for the bs and that’s not my problem. He was wrong.. he’s a predator

[HollyK21]

How did he prey on you?

[Asker]

He preyed on my vulnerabilities Holly! He knew I wasn’t okay and in the beginning when I told him I didn’t want anything and that I’m protecting my wellbeing..

He didn’t give two fucks about me.. he just wanted sex.. and how I know he didn’t really give a rats ass about my well being is when he ghosted me and intentionally said hurtful things

[HollyK21]

Hey @spartan55 could you tap in for a sec and tell me if this context sounds predatory? Because to me, it sounds like he was being a decent person and trying to clarify the situation:

“Just got out of a meeting. It seems there’s been a mixup in communication and the way you’re handling it seems a little rushed. You made an assumption and decided to stick to it without seeking clarity. I did not suggest anything sexual from my response to you. The word excited did not carry any sexual connotation but you read it that way. I’m not sure what you’ve been through, and I entirely understand if you’ve dealt with people like that, but it’s important to not make everyone suffer for someone else’s sins.”

Chels believes that this conversation was him preying on her vulnerabilities and I don’t understand how.

[Asker]

I’m in no way talking about that conversation… I’m talking about his actions and his words later on…

[Asker]

Ofc he’s attentive and nice early on… you just love his words.. but when you’re trying to get pussy ofc you show you care

[HollyK21]

Are you kidding? That conversation is always your reference point that’s why I know about it in the first place. His words matter when you’re trying to call him predatory, gay and whatever else under the Sun. “Later on”, was this before or after the date where you hardly spoke a word?

[HollyK21]

Also what he said there is very important because part of your smear campaign is that he wanted sex and when he saw he wouldn’t get it he left, and that’s not the case at all.

[spartan55]

Preying on her vupnerabiljties? Sounds like he is being apologetic and empathetic too. I don't see it either.

[spartan55]

"vulnerabilities

[Asker]

This message was the first day we started talking… I just showed how “genuine “ he appears and evidently he’s got you too..

But a lot has happened in between Holly! I just don’t have the messages and a lot of it was in person… he switched up and changed

[HollyK21]

It doesn’t matter when it happened Chels, that is his stance and that’s all we have to judge off besides your words. His voice matters too when you’re going around doing what you’re doing.

[Asker]

Also what he said there is very important because part of your smear campaign is that he wanted sex and when he saw he wouldn’t get it he left, and that’s not the case at all.

That was very much the case he wanted sex.. and his ACTIONS proved it!

[HollyK21]

His actions? Nothing happened between you, no sort of physicality. He left in a handful of days, he got nothing from you so this story makes no sense.

[Asker]

His voice does not matter at all in MY EXPERIENCE with him. Tell him to run his own campaign

You are the biggest dck rider

[HollyK21]

Lol oh please, you’re just mad that I hold you accountable by reminding you of the facts in this delusional ass story. Cope harder.

[HollyK21]

Question, have you just become like numb or oblivious to how shameful this is? Like have you just gotten comfy being embarrassed?

[Asker]

His actions Holly… DOES NOT MEAN PHYSICAL

I mean backing away after telling him that I was willing to take things slow.. you don’t think it’s hurtful to say mean things on a date to me feel small?

It was very hurtful

[Asker]

I’m not embarrassed to share my story

[HollyK21]

He didn’t wanna take it slow after he felt you were unstable. I don't know how much quicker you wanted him to walk away this all happened in a handful of days. Then to say he made you feel small on the date, for what? Asking if your father knew you dressed a certain way because you posted explicit pics? If you cared so much about someone close to you seeing those images why post them in the first place? Then to accuse him of checking out the waitress, he could’ve been looking around because you weren’t speaking and you made another assumption just like he said you do. Like you ship this around to people as if he tore you down.

[HollyK21]

Really? Because not long ago you had a whole different outlook on how embarrassing this is. You said you don’t know what else to do!🙄

[spartan55]

@asker So you twisted off on him the FIRST DAY you started talking because he said he was excited to meet you. Then you acted completely off during your date and it's all his fault? Uh... no? Don't think so.

[HollyK21]

@spartan55 pretty much! Here’s the context to the excited comment, I’ll use A for her and B for him:

A: lol I think you’re trying to be sneaky
B: lol far from it. Just making sure you’re not getting excited lol
A: excited in what way?
B: fcking with you
B: so you basically proved my point, you are really trying to fck. Why can’t you find someone who wants the same thing?
A: can you point me in the direction of where I proved this point?
B: you wanted to see if I’m “excited”? Yeah ok
A: this is your proof lol?
B: yes and I’m sticking behind it

Then this followed with what I shared earlier. My personal interpretation of him saying “fcking with you” was like “messing with you”, just kidding, that sort of thing, and she misunderstood.

[Asker]

First of all I never cared and I’m not even on speaking terms with my father.. it was just rude to say to someone. Ask yourself why would you think it’s okay for him to even ask that

[Asker]

He never said he was excited to meet

[HollyK21]

So if you don’t care who sees those pictures then why does it matter so much what he said about them?

[HollyK21]

You’re not even speaking to your father which makes it more wild for you to act so crushed over him saying he wonders what your dad thinks.

[Asker]

I don’t know what I’ve done Holly… you’re right…Ive became numb to it or disassociated

Why hasn’t he pressed charges yet

[Asker]

I still don’t agree with you… I don’t care I just didn’t think he would say that

[Asker]

I just didn’t want him to say that.. I wanted him to care

[HollyK21]

Probably because he doesn’t know how far this has gone Chels, if he did I don’t know what sort of legal issues you would face. That’s why I keep telling you to stop posting about this, openly calling him gay and all that slander. Even a factory reset won’t delete your history for real Chels, and your building more against yourself every week. Please stop trying to get his attention. Reconsider going into outpatient and getting some help for what you’re going through right now. It’s gotten too out of control I actually think it’s getting worse and worse.

[Asker]

Therapy doesn’t help if they can’t get to the root cause

[HollyK21]

Have you done research on what outpatient care is and how it works in your state? Because it’s not just that online therapy you were doing it’s more extensive. Like I said, just because you aren’t in deep enough to need to stay, doesn’t mean you don’t require help at all.

[HollyK21]

Seriously though Chels, look into it ok? We don’t wanna see you here week after week griping about this exact same thing. One year is more than enough time, take the steps to move on.

[Asker]

I’ll never be good enough…I still think he wants to be with a trans woman

[Asker]

Since I’m not good enough and since he treated me like shit how about I tag him in my trans cousins photos so they can like eachother! He fucking hates me so much he thinks so terrible how about I do him a favor

[Asker]

Since that’s what he really wants

[HollyK21]

Do what you want.

[spartan55]

That's what she flipped out about? Oh my...

[HollyK21]

That’s what it said too😕

[HollyK21]

** I said

[Asker]

I’m just going to go on a mental health leave with my job… I was going apartment shopping yesterday but since I’m struggling I don’t think I can maintain a job… I follow a group where people live in their car. I may have to go that route.. he ruined everything I worked so hard for

[spartan55]

There's that accountability thing again.

[HollyK21]

You’re doing this to yourself Chels. Like you already said that you had issues before him, you’re just making it all about him because that situation sent you over the edge for some reason.

[Asker]

Well I’m fucking telling you what I’m doing and that’s all you can say? I know that! That’s all I have right now. I just need to disappear that’s all I have

If he wants to be with my cousin so be it

[HollyK21]

You have other options like doing outpatient care, connecting with your old therapist to ask for referrals or suggestions, but you don’t wanna do the work. Just admit it.

[HollyK21]

Yes that’s all I have to say because you don’t mean it. You have this whole meltdown then come back the next weekend like clockwork.

[Asker]

Because outpatient and therapy has not helped me. I had her as my therapist for months and I’m a lot worse.. she didn’t help and she didn’t know how

Im doing the work

[HollyK21]

You literally just said when they offered outpatient you didn’t take it and you ghosted your therapist so how are you doing the work? You don’t even know where to start Chels.

[Asker]

I don’t want to do outpatient therapy. I want to speak with a psychiatrist or psychologist for something deeper.. I’ve already done outpatient in the past

[HollyK21]

So do that then Chels. Get a referral, speak with your school, through your insurance, online, something! There are so many resources and you just throw in the towel every time you decide to try and help yourself once in a blue moon. You say you’re helping yourself, how? Quitting your job to go live in a car? Some life.

[Asker]

That’s what feels safe for me. Be glad you don’t understand.

They’re probably going to be together.

[HollyK21]

According to you he already has a girlfriend so no need to worry about his status.

[Asker]

He doesn’t cuz if he did he wouldn’t have followed another one after saying that

[HollyK21]

Who he chooses to follow on social media has nothing to do with him being in a relationship lol besides you don’t even know his ties to those accounts. I wouldn’t even wanna want to keep pushing this narrative because what’s that say about your looks? Since he’s allegedly attracted to trans women, like are you a big body brick house? Large shoulders, strong features, like is something on you manly?

[Asker]

No I don’t have manly features at all… but I do think he has an attraction to femme men. I truly think he’s gay… just because he follows regular women doesn’t mean he actually wants to be with one… keep in mind he is Nigerian, conservative family and holier than thou mom.. he’s closeted holly

[HollyK21]

So the person in that first picture is femme? Nah, you’ve got something strong on you since you swear up and down he’s attracted to trans women.

[HollyK21]

That is the only logic that makes sense so go ahead and own it.

[Asker]

What you said made no sense… she still has a penis holly and he just followed her

[HollyK21]

It makes perfect sense and it’s quite simple: if he likes trans women, and he liked you, then you must resemble what he likes.

[Asker]

She has a penis holly.

[HollyK21]

So what? Did he know what you had down below? Not like he saw for himself, it was just a selfie. You think that trans has their penis out in their profile pic? Nope. I’m talking about how you LOOK. Your face, shape, hair, all that. I’ve seen your selfie, seen the trans man and you two aren’t horribly far apart in stature😭

[Asker]

The femme trans woman has a penis bulge in her pants and it says trans in her bio.. the other woman also says she’s trans and her penis is showing.. so what are you talking about?

If he likes trans women cool but I would not have got my feelings involved … like you Legit don’t care about how I feel about him or it… you’re saying so what like it’s nothing but it’s something to me

[HollyK21]

I can’t put it any more plainly — if you imagist he likes trans women, and he likes YOU, then you resemble what he likes! You didn’t have a penis bulge or trans in your bio and he still was interested in you, so what does that say Chels? You can’t have it both ways!

[HollyK21]

**if you insist

[Asker]

But what about the the one who looked masculine… and she’s a white woman

[Asker]

My point is I still don’t want him to like trans women.. so it doesn’t matter what they look like…

[HollyK21]

We’re not gonna pivot. Again, what does that say? If you didn’t have a bulge, trans in your bio, present purely as a woman, and he still liked YOU? None of these trans women are femme, and if they are they their penis is out.

[Asker]

He wouldn’t have asked me if I were a lesbian if I weren’t a woman and I had sexy pics up.. my body does not look fake or trans.. he didn’t have to ask

I still don’t understand your point… he intentionally knows THEY are trans because it says it. I don’t see where you’re getting at

[HollyK21]

Okay so… if he likes trans, then he must’ve thought you were based off your pics, made a mistake and left, how about that? Your pics gave masc.

[HollyK21]

Now that’s storyline that makes sense! You deceived him honey.

[Asker]

The point is I don’t like the fact that he likes trans women and I wish he told me… doesn’t matter what they look like. He knew.. and you even admitted that you wouldn’t be okay with your significant other following that. I just wish he told me

Secondly I never deceived anyone because I put in my bio that I was willing to be a placeholder and that I’m not interested in sex or a relationship… so please don’t say that. I also let him know up front before we exchanged numbers

I communicated clearly and told him that if he’s looking for sex to look elsewhere

[HollyK21]

He doesn’t like trans women if he liked you right? Otherwise why would he bother unless he thought you were trans or had similar features to that of a man? Who knows maybe that’s why you’ve been single you’re entire adult life.

[Asker]

Do you hear what you’re saying.. it makes no sense like most of what you say.

And for the record. I’m single because I don’t get out. I spent a lot of my time focusing on my art not men.

[HollyK21]

I hear what I’m saying and I’m sticking to it. It’s just as believable as this wild web you’re weaving and it makes the most sense. Sorry the truth hurts but you live your life in a constant state of denial anyway. You’re single because of how you ACT, that’s why you only have this one person to focus on right now. No one wants to deal with that crazy shit.

[Asker]

Give me one example of what I said and did that was crazy while talking to him.. are you really sure he’s not just a manipulator?

[Asker]

He said “fcking “ with you? Didn’t see that