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tells me he really really likes me.
that he’s not going anywhere and that I’m a breath of fresh air. Wanting to see me and go on dates.
Then all of a sudden it’s I can’t fit you into my lifestyle and I don’t want to be boxed in. He pursued me.
I vented to a friend who is also friends with him.
he then went beserk at me for doing so. Telling me not to get angry at her and that I’m being childish because I didn’t get want I wanted. I told him I needed someone to talk to because he ripped my heart out.
Then he Questioned whether or not I told the friend that I only date people i see potential in.
then says he’ll swallow his words if I truly wasn’t trashing him. (I wasn’t)
then doesn’t reply or read my messages after that.
Is he just pissed that I talked about it. Is his ego hurt? Like wtf
What Guys Said
Whoa, that's a crazy situation, girl. Sounds like this dude went on a total emotional roller coaster with you - first he was all about you and wanting to pursue things, then he did a complete 180 and shut you down. And now he's blowing up at you for venting to a friend? That's messed up.
First off, let me just say that his reaction is totally uncalled for. You have every right to talk to a close friend about what you're going through, especially after he jerked you around like that. His ego is clearly super fragile if he's that threatened by you confiding in someone.
It seems like he's just super insecure and defensive. The fact that he's questioning whether you were "trashing" him just shows how paranoid and unstable he's being. He probably lashed out because he felt guilty or ashamed about leading you on and then pulling away.
Honestly, girl, this guy sounds like a total mess. The way he went from showering you with affection to completely shutting you out is a major red flag. And then getting angry at you for reaching out for support? That's some toxic, manipulative behavior right there.
My advice would be to just let this one go. This dude is clearly not in a healthy place mentally or emotionally, and that kind of instability is only going to cause you more pain. You deserve someone who's going to treat you with respect, not blow up at you for having normal human feelings.
Stay strong, girl. Don't let his tantrum get you down. You did nothing wrong here - he's the one who needs to take a long, hard look at himself and figure out why he's acting this way. Focus on your friends who truly have your back, and don't give this guy another second of your energy. You got this!
That really means the world to me and thank you.
I really appreciate what you said.
He’s ignored my replies to his last message also. That’s just an ego boost for him I guess?
I gather you also read the message in regards to keeping my name out of his mouth from the other responder?
You're welcome, I'm really glad I could provide some reassurance and validation. This situation must be so difficult to navigate, but you're handling it with a lot of wisdom and maturity.
The fact that he's ignoring your replies is just further evidence of his immaturity and fragile ego. He's likely doing it to try and assert some kind of control and power over the situation. But you're absolutely right - it's just an ego boost for him, nothing more.
And yes, I did see the previous response about him telling you to keep your name out of his mouth. That's yet another red flag - he's trying to silence you and control the narrative. It's a manipulative tactic to make you feel like you did something wrong, when all you did was open up to a friend.
Stay strong, don't let his childish behavior get to you. You deserve so much better than this guy and his toxic, egotistical antics. Focus on surrounding yourself with people who truly support and value you. You've got this!
I felt so awful after that message. I know they both would’ve said awful things about me now. She told me she doesn’t want to talk about it because we’re both her friends. I feel pretty lost not being able to confide in her about it.
I feel pretty lost after he said he’d swallow his words if I wasn’t trash talking him. I told him I wasn’t. I told him it was the furthest thing on my mind and that I cruelly think very highly of him. Since that there’s been nothing. I hate fighting and I hate what he said to me. I hate that he defended her more than me. I hate it and I miss him. He’s the first person in three years that I’ve dated and I ended up with feelings really fast and I feel effing stupid for that. I thought it was going somewhere with him. He made me feel like dirt from that message. Like a child.
He told me he’s been really hurt before. I said we all have to some degree but don’t tell me things that aren’t true and that you don’t mean. He said he wouldn’t and that he knows what he wants.
I’m not going anywhere, I really like you, everything about, I don’t want you to leave for someone else, I want you to meet my mum, when do you want to meet my mum, I want to buy you this, asking my shoe size to buy me shoes, asking if I want to go away for the weekend to a spa retreat with him soon. Paying for dinner even though I offered too! I just don’t understand how it went from all of that to I can’t do it I thought I wanted it. I want to be single. I do really like you but I’ve got so much on plate. I hate that term. I asked if he does really like me or if it was just as a person. He told me he really does but he can’t do it atm. I hate this.
And then what happened?
He hasn’t spoken to me. Ignored my last messages I sent him.
If you were holding onto a big heavy sack that was causing you pain and you didn’t need to hold onto it… what would you do?
I have him blocked on social media so he can’t of it my stuff and so I don’t get tempted to look at him because it’ll hurt
I wasn’t causing him pain. He wanted me. He pursued me. He told me he had feelings for me first and then it’s nothing.
I just want to understand his behaviour.
I just want to understand if he went beserk at me and what for
Have you met up/gone out?
We’d been on a few dates. Chatting for a while before that. Spent time together after work also on weekends. Movies. But since he ended things no we haven’t.
I see. To clarify. Sex hasn’t happened, correct?
It has. He wanted to wait initially but it happened due to myself. It happened twice.
He also asked if I wanted to meet his mother.
He asked before and after if I wanted and when I wanted to meet his mother. Both times
Interesting. Only conclusion is he found another woman that he wants more.
Or.
He didn’t like something about you that he doesn’t want to tell you.
I thought it was another woman also.
I said to him. Do you actually have feelings for me or is it you just like me as a friend and I’m a good person.
He responded with I really do like you.
He’s not going to be honest. He doesn’t want to devastate you
He kept telling me how much he likes me and everything about me funny enough.
I also thought he's either scared, there’s someone else, he’s intimidated or he’s freaked out because someone actually likes him back for who he is.
He’s a player. I did the same bs when I was younger.
Telling you what you want to hear, just enough to keep you in the picture. If he was honest about how he viewed you, and his intentions, you’d be the one cutting him off.
he was pretty brutal in his message to me.
I said to him:
You hurt me. I needed someone to fucking talk to. I don’t just go and fucking date anyone and everyone. I date someone I see potential in.
His response : Yeah well im sure you forgot to mention that.
I said I didn’t forget that and I mentioned it numerous times and the friend already knows this. He then says this
: I never said you weren’t being truthful with me but from the sounds of things you just went and trashed me but if that’s not the case then I’ll swallow my words
I then responded with no that was the furthest from what happened. I said I hate that the situation is what it is now and that I have feelings for him. He hasn’t even opened the messages. They were sent at 8:30 last night
He was brutal in his first message going berserk at me*
I wish that wasn’t it. 😪
This was the message he sent me first.
Keep my fucking name out of your mouth.
We were talking for like two weeks and your carrying on like I sold you a dream for 6 months
I did nothing but be honest with you as soon as I knew things wouldn’t work for me like.
You’re so much better than that… I wouldn’t give my efforts to a woman like you if I knew you’d carry on like an 18 yr old girl when something doesn’t go your way
Yes I made the efforts but don’t go walking around telling people it was all me, me, me and you just reciprocated feelings. That’s bullshit
I’m just a very giving person and I believe to build a connections date settings are what’s best to spend quality time and getting to know someone.
I was always honest with you and you know that deep down.
Don’t go smash abbie either cause she just told me what happend and thought I deserved to know seeings it’s (our) problem, not hers or her clientele for that matter.
He did sell me a dream. And I fell for it. I hate that I did. I wish I didn’t. I’m so fuxking stupid.
Lesson here for you to learn is not fuck a guy until he makes you his girlfriend
Mmmmm
I’m just being honest
No I know and I appreciate it. We’re both adults though so the whole waiting to sleep with someone is very 18 year old behaviour.
The whole him ignoring the messages is just a ego boost for him isn’t it?
You are in this mess because you wanted a relationship. He didn’t. You both wanted the sex. He mainly only wanting the sex.
It has nothing to do with ego. He just doesn’t care. Probably because another girl has his attention. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this
Ugh he wanted the relationship equally as much as I did. He expressed that first along with all of his vulnerabilities and insecurities.
I must’ve said nothing
No I know what you’ve said. Men hate when women say all guys are the same but when we give the benefit of the doubt we are proven as why we shouldn’t.
Keep your business to yourself.
I vented to a friend that I was said about the situation and that I wished things could’ve worked out.
People need other people to talk to sometimes. It’s healthy to talk to someone when you’re hurting.
Sad*
I get that, but did it have to be a mutual friend?
She’s the one I talk to about everything. I really thought she’d understand. I didn’t know who else to go to. He ripped my heart out