Male coworker is friendly with other girls, but is hesitant with me?

[Anonymous]

Male coworker is friendly and outgoing. He is popular with other girls. He talks to them with ease, jokes around, but he remains distant with me.

However, I have noticed that he stares at me from a distance quite often and tends looks down quickly when I catch his gaze.

He also regularly locks eyes with me, but when I talk to him he seems to shut down and go reserved.

He found out the other week that I’m not single and since then doesn’t make eye contact at all and has become cold.

We have to work together at times and it feels very awkward.

Why can’t he engage on a friendly level when he does with other girls?

[Anonymous]

You’re not always going to have the same interactions or relationship with someone that everyone else has and this can be due to a lack of compatibility, interest, or otherwise. Sorry that is just a fact of life that you have to accept. You are in such an unnecessary state of discomfort and it is of your own creation. Like unless you just didn’t mention it here then you’re making it awkward for yourself simply because he doesn’t try with you. He isn’t doing anything wrong except not making your time together more engaging and that’s nobodies problem but yours. Now you’re saying he’s gotten cold because he isn’t looking at you anymore and taking it upon yourself to correlate it with your relationship status, as if the little interaction you have with him wasn’t already strained!


Stop the madness.


I’m hoping you’re just bored in your relationship or something but at some you step back from the delusions to realize that nothing is happening here, simply nothing. He is just a dude at work who isn’t very interested in creating a friendship with you and that is OK. Clock off and focus on the man that actually matters rather than this one who means nothing. You’ve given another man too much attention with this situation as it is.

[Asker]

Thanks for the reality check, so those signs don’t mean anything then?

[Opinion Owner]

No worries! Tbf I don’t think these are signs, you’ve got to know someone well enough to know their body language and/or what certain behaviors mean to determine what are signs and what are not. Kinda like having a coworker who always looks sour at you and you interpret that as them not liking you when really they just have RBF. As of now you don’t know if those were signs, and maybe you have just decided to interpret his behavior in a way that made sense.
In your mind, he stopped giving you any visual attention after he found out you were in a relationship, but that could be nothing but a coincidence or misinterpretation of what he’s doing. I don’t think this topic is worth more exploration trying to figure out what’s going on. Mainly because no other man besides your boyfriend deserves this much energy or attention. Unless you aren’t happy in your relationship, would you be happy if the shoe were on the other foot and he was this worried about having some sort of friendship with s woman at work? Wouldn’t you wonder why it’s so important to him whether or not she engages with him at work vs the other guys? Wouldn’t you rather he just not care?

[spartan55]

He knows them better, is more familiar with them. The only reason there is an issue is because of what is in your head.

[Asker]

Ok thanks. How do you mean what’s in my head?

[spartan55]

You are making a narrative in your head that is based on your feelings and perception. Why does it matter since you HAVE A BOYFRIEND?

[Asker]

I see what you mean. I guess it was nice to receive some attention. It doesn’t really matter, I guess going forward I have to work with the guy and it feels a bit awkward, but as you say that’s probably down to me.

[spartan55]

I can pretty much guarantee he doesn't give one thought to the interaction between you.

[Asker]

Ok thanks for the reality check.

[spartan55]

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

That means he has a crush on you and is nervous

[Asker]

So how best can I approach him without freaking him out?

[Opinion Owner]

Just be polite, smile and talk

[Asker]

Great thanks

[Opinion Owner]

Sure

[Anonymous]

Stop asking this. 🙄

[Asker]

By why? We have to work together, isn’t it fair to know what went wrong?

[DtMe89]

Do not date coworkers. It is wrong

[Asker]

I don’t intend to date him, just work with him.

[DtMe89]

Then why do you care

[Asker]

Because we have to work together and it’s awkward

[DtMe89]

How?

Your coworkers. If you don't like it, report it

[Jmmmfi4]

He's shy

[Asker]

So how can I approach him to feel comfortable?