Why is this male coworker friendly to me in front of others but unfriendly when we are alone?

[Anonymous]

When he passes me by and greets me he looks to the side annoyed, with everyone else he makes good eye contact, he always tries to keep conversations short, makes excuses to leave early and never tries to make small talk with me despite being chatty and charming with everyone else. However around others he is very nice to me and gives me his best smile etc. We never had any arguments, I am not ugly or overweight so why does he act like this? Do men really treat unattractive women like this?

[Ozanne]

I'd say it's because he's putting on a show to everyone that he's some amiable guy, but does not want to give you any impression that he's interested in you. Maybe he's the type that thinks if he's nice to you, he believes you'll think he's hitting on you. Maybe he's just phony and doesn't like you. Whatever the case, he's making it clear to you in your presence that he doesn't respect you enough to be cordial, but he cares enough about his image to others to put on a little show when needed.

[Asker]

Yeah but he’s friendly with all the other women in the office..

[litty]

No one except him knows. You can ask him, but it doesn't change what you would do with him around or not. Just make sure never to gossip about anyone. It can lead back to you, as those that gossip with you also gossip about you.

[BoopBoopBeep]

He has to be nice to you at work. Why he finds you unsavory I can't imagine, nor how he's so horrible at hiding it. Nevermind him. You're not missing out.

[Asker]

I think he even overheard me complaining to another coworker about him being standoffish with me because shortly after that he searched for me and was trying to be nice and told me I could approach him if I had any questions and seemed to feel guilty since he couldn’t even look me in the eye. Earlier that day he tried to physically hide from me as if I was about to pester him (I hardly ever approach him). So I don’t think he is trying to be a asshole.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Oh ok... well there's your answer then.

[Asker]

No. My question is why does he find me repulsive?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Could be any of a million reasons. It doesn't matter. You're not into him. You remind him of his ex. Your earrings look stupid. Your perfume smells juvenile. Your car is ugly. You took his parking spot one day. Could be because he overheard you complaining about him. Could be because you took the last muffin in the break room. Could be because you look like his 3rd grade teacher that put him in detention. There are hundreds if not thousands of people I've met who can't stand me. Many of them have legitimate reason. I don't lose sleep over any of them. Neither should you.

[Asker]

Yeah but these reasons seem very childish to me and he seems quite mature

[BoopBoopBeep]

Well then ask him. And then when he doesn't give you a straight answer, add that to the vast amount of things that you'll just never know in life, but then it circles back to "nevermind him, you're not missing out"... so i figured skip the middle part and fast forward to the big reveal at the end.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you're only annoying when you're alone.

[Asker]

Im Not annoying at all

[balyai]

He's toxic avoid him