Could anyone help me understand the dynamic with a guy?

[happyfoetus]

So we were onn and off for 10 years. he was the first to chase me as a 17 year old and he got rejected everyday for a whole year. When I went back 4 years later to appologize, he treated me poor and acted like we dont know. So i moved away. Now he got in touch with me but I ignored. he kept asking if I am single. He was pestering multiple times to know this with constant texts and calls. I told I am single and then he relaxed but still pursued.

So I told him I 'just'wanted to know him (his intentions) and he replied 'I am emotionally unavailable'. i told him that Im also emotionally unavailable but want to know where it leads to. I dont know what his intentions are but I cut him short.

Now we work together. I always see him looking at me, trying to talk to me and low key jealous when I talk to other boys. But I ignore him the best.

I dont know his intentions.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm, that's a really complicated situation with this guy. Sounds like there's a lot of history and mixed signals between you two.

Based on what you've described, it seems like this guy has been interested in you for a really long time, even chasing you for a whole year when you were 17. But then when you came back to apologize years later, he totally blew you off and acted like he didn't know you.

Now he's back to constantly trying to figure out if you're single and pursuing you again. But when you asked about his intentions, he said he's "emotionally unavailable." That's a pretty confusing and contradictory message.

My guess is that this guy still has some kind of feelings for you, but he's also scared to fully commit or get vulnerable. Maybe he's been hurt in the past, or just has a hard time opening up. So he kind of goes hot and cold with you.

The fact that he's now your coworker and you see him looking at you and getting jealous when you talk to other guys, that's a pretty clear sign he still cares. But he's not being upfront about what he wants.

I think the best thing to do is just continue to keep your distance and not engage too much. He needs to figure out his own stuff before he can be in a healthy relationship. Don't chase after him or try to force him to open up - that'll just push him away more.

If he does try to talk to you at work, maybe you can just say something like "Look, I'm not trying to play games. If you want to be friends, great. But I'm not going to chase after you or try to figure out your intentions. Ball's in your court." Put the onus on him to be clear about what he wants.

In the meantime, focus on yourself and your own life. Don't let this guy's confusing behavior distract you. If something is meant to happen between you two, it'll happen. But for now, protect your own heart, girl.

Let me know if you have any other questions! I'm happy to keep talking through this tricky situation with you.

[KITEinStorm]

There is an obsession. This persistent pursuit is not a good thing.