What are some ways I can test to see if my guy friend has a crush on me without embarrassing the both of us?

[Anonymous]

What are some ways that I can find out if one of my guy friends has a crush on me? We are both adults but have religious restrictions and aren't really willing to put ourselves in (lusting situations) so we only hang out in group situations. I feel like he has been trying to hint to me that he wants to ask me out or that he likes me but maybe I am too blind or socially awkward tell. He is always joking with me and complimenting me 24/7 but I have never dated anyone so I think he is trying to figure out why his tactics are not working on me lol. For example he will compliment my smile and I will say the most unhinged strange thing to him instead of a simple thank you or completely ignore him and he will just stand there confused. Also my friends will intervene a lot to hold us accountable and if we are the last two or only two willing to hang out with each other they will all cancel or expect me to say now because we can not have anyone elude that we are sinning together. I know when we first became friends we used to hang out a lot alone and everyone thought that we were dating and he constantly talks about our old memories especially when guys are talking to me he will make it seem like he is my boyfriend getting close to me and bringing up stuff we used to do wanting to talk to me about it. One when it was just us he reached out for my hand I gave it to him he smiled at me and held it in his like he was going to kiss it (immediately my friend gets in between us) grabbing our hands yelling "3 musketeers" since then he gives me fist bumps. He constantly tells me how much he loves seeing me on the daily and how he would not be happy in life if he never met me. Its funny because we both are extremely socially awkward and corky so we match each others vibes so we both might be trying to communicate with each other that we like each other but we have no idea how cause we will sit there are laugh at each other with nothing even funny but it's legit or thing

[SteveSmith1985]

Wow. Just... wow. I can definitely help you here.

1. He obviously has a crush on you. I can tell you that. From here. Just from what you included.

There's no need to test him. He has told you very very very clearly that he likes you. He has told you in many different ways. All of which are super unambiguous.

He likes you. No need for tests.

2. Here is your problem:

This guy is flirting like crazy with you. Like crazy.

But YOU are doing everything you can to tell him you DON'T like him if you do silly things like:

"For example he will compliment my smile and I will say the most unhinged strange thing to him instead of a simple thank you or completely ignore him and he will just stand there confused."

Girl. Common now.

I do not believe anybody on earth is that socially awkward. Not naturally anyway. Stop being really weird when he flirts with you.

That is sending a very clear "not interested" signal back to him when he's flirting with you. You can control this. You can choose to stop this. You need to stop this.

You know how to be normal in this situation, you acknowledged that. Say thank you, or pretty much anything aside from weird, unrelated confusing nonsense here. You are working against yourself if you act like this. You are interested right? Then you need to flirt back. Every time. Don't be any more awkward than you are naturally. If you know what you're supposed to do in a flirting situation, do that. It's like a conversation.

It's like he's saying "I really like you" and you're saying "I see snakes in the clouds."

All that says back is: well I guess she doesn't like me too.

Stop any of this nonsense. I've never heard of anyone working against themselves so actively.

3. Your friends.

So I am from the big-bad-secular-City (Toronto for the record).

You and I live in completely different worlds.

Completely different. But I would have assumed that "friendship" was the same everywhere.

A friend is supposed to have your back. To look out for you. To help you.

In my world, all of your friends would be doing everything they could to HELP you and this guy find little moments to be alone. They would be working on your behalf towards helping you get together with the guy you like.

Your friends are actively trying to get between the two of you. That is so utterly alien to me, that I can't even process how, in your world... this is what a friend does.

Do you get in between them and a guy they like?

I have so so many very strong feelings about the way friendship seems to work in your world. I just don't know if I could ever find the words to explain how backwards and messed up it is that people who you call friend, would be working against you.

I do not know what anybody can do with that.

When it comes to this guy. Consider them enemies. That's what they're being (when it comes to this guy situation).

I don't know what you're supposed to do about the friends thing. But that's also a problem. Not a fatal problem. But a constant huge hinderance, to simply stealing innocent moments to be alone with the guy you like.

I mean alone outside where you're holding hands. I'm not talking anything where lust and temptation are at issue. Just some wholesome two people who like each other sitting right next to each other and talking, or holding hands or something very non controversial.

Somehow you're going to need to keep your friends out of your way as much as possible (well I've certainly never said THAT to anybody before)

So overall good news.

He for sure likes you.

If you stop being purposefully weird it'll help move things along.

Friends are enemies when it comes to this guy. Keep them out of your way.

I found this very interesting. I have known people who were very religious before. Even people who grew up in a religious community. But I have never come across anybody who was in such a conservative setting/world. It's mindboggling how different our lives and beliefs must be.

This is solid advice and read on your situation.

Friends might work differently there. But flirting is flirting, and a girl and guy who both like each other... that follows the same rules everywhere.

🙂

[Summeroflove]

Well being direct is the best way to do it because believe me some people make things more awkward by being indirect as well as making someone guess. Either if someone isn’t attracted it can make them uncomfortable as well as if they are they may get tired of guessing to eventually move on.

Be honest and be direct chances are he does like you. But even in the case he doesn’t you’ll have closure and won't waste your time on someone not even interested therefore can move on. As well as won’t loose him as a friend by making him uncomfortable.

[fartingspinster]

Even with all the awkwardness and embarrassments/pressures we put into these situations... ultimately as you said - you are adults. If inquiring whether he is interested in venturing into a deeper relationship than just friends is going to cause a problem, going to be irreparable to the friendship or he's going to think less of you... then he's not even worthy as a friend tbh.

People need to stop building up the anticipation so much and just be straightforward and have the conversation. And the receiver needs to be honest but kind. That's all it takes. That's the basic respect every human should have.

So just ask him, and you'll understand his character more. If he doesn't want to get into a relationship with you, all is good and you can move on.

[DishLady]

"Sinning together"? Girl, it sounds like you don't even know WHAT you're doing together.

You're both in your late 20s? That's old enough for the guy to ask you out if he's interested in you.

And if he compliments your smile you say "THANK YOU" and shut up if you don't have more to add to it. If you're going to douse the little sparks he's trying to create with your nonsensical comments then he's ultimately going to stop making them and move on to someone who appreciates his comments.

As for all this time you supposedly spent alone... if you were able to spend time alone in the past why aren't you doing it now? Sounds like one or both of you is really NOT INTERESTED in having anything more than this awkward-af interaction.

[lightbulb27]

Id just ask him if he feels a spark because you do. And then talk about gathering sticks and wood

[JohnnyB123321]

I’d just ask at an appropriate time. My best girlfriend asked me that once. And she just got married or was just about to get married. I told her that I did not have those type of feelings for her but to be transparent, if the stars had aligned for us differently and in a different world I’d certainly be open to explore us. She and I are super tight and her husband asked her a bunch of questions it sounded like. Her husband and I are very close now now but he was naturally a little concerned when we got so tight. I’ve never hit on her, made a move in any capacity but I was glad we took a few minutes to make sure we were all aligned. I was glad we could put any concerns to bed right away. I wouldn’t want those questions still out there. She very attractive girl and super fun. I’m sure her husband sees guys approach her all the time.

[VIVANT]

Do YOU like him?

you don’t need to guess if he likes you.

if you like him, ask him out. Or tell him. You’ll know for sure by his response.

If you are not Interested, it doesn’t matter if he’s into you. Just continue being JUST a friend. He will lose interest…there’s nothing you need to do. 😊

[Effably]

Have you tried something as simple as asking what his type of girl is? If he starts describing you, well, there you go.

One way or another you have to take some risk to encourage him to take one. If it is just curiosity, the age old method of sending a friend to ask is normal.

[RavVid]

Can you date in the culture you are in? Seems like there is some rule a guy and girl cannot be alone together if friends barge in to separate you.

He clearly likes you; I don't think you need a test. Could you invite him to a family diner, that is nice and old school.

[GAGsucksballs89170]

The touch boundary. If you truly like him, you won't mind him touching you, and I don't mean in a friendly "handshake" kind of way. I mean like, actual touching, so, if you can get him to touch you, in a way that you want him to, and he does, that likely means he does

[ZephyrFluer]

just get married already 🥴

But in seriousness though, just be straight up about it to him. Guys love honesty, especially if he likes you as well. Just think of it as creating one of the best memories for you two.

[AviatorTom]

Tell him you're going to lunch and ask if he would like to join you. It's not a date, so there should be no embarrassment... and he may want to turn it into a date, which would let you know one way or the other.

[Finchie40]

Don’t test , just ask him if he would like to go on a date sometime with you , He clearly likes you and he seems to shy to ask you , it’s ok for a girl to make the first move

[Shiprex]

Do it with your words IF you suspect. There are bound to be misunderstandings but if our don't just say it kindly then the myth and mystery will remain.

[EmmaMary]

REPORTED...DUPLICATE.

[DrPepper12]

You've got bigger problems. You need to get out of this socio-relgious prison. It's toxic and has warped your perspective and uniqueness.

[Anonymous]

He defo likes you. Maybe have one of your friends confess to him that you like him and ask if he likes you back.

[noohair]

I would not suggest testing men under any circumstances. It is a bad way to start any relationship.

[Lokiion]

Just be direct If he gets flustered or avoids the question he likes you

[Jamie05rhs]

You already know that he has a crush on you. Stop lying to yourself.

[RedInnocent69]

That’s not how it works. But you’re obviously crushing on him, just go for it

[Kingofkings1992]

You’re 25-29 years old ffs, quit talking like a 14 year old

[spartan55]

Yeah, guys love 'tests' 🙄

[retarb]

Compliment him. You'll get him giddy.

[In_Trance]

Ask him