I wrote a letter to bring someone closer to a state of mindful, respectful behavior, but the person chose not to read it. What should happen next?

[DishLady]

As stated in the main question, the person chose not to read it... and the letter ends stating that if the person doesn't accept the olive branch I will walk away and don't want the person in my life. After months of time and space the person claimed to want a connection of some sort, but (1) without reading the letter or (2) accepting the request to be more mindful.

I'm sticking to my guns and walking away, however I'd like to know what y'all think... I don't know why the person would want to keep bugging me to maintain some sort of connection when clearly we're not morally on the same page.

Block, delete and walk away.

Give the person a second chance.

Updates

1 y

Thanks for your answers, everyone! You've made it super challenging to declare the MHOs!

I'm blocking this guy, because it's true... the letter WAS the olive branch/second chance. He chose to discard it very irreverently, which shows a lack of respect for my time/feelings as well as his inability to commit to being mindful, which was all I asked of him. He's just a fake, toxic sort of person.

Thankfully, a two of our shared acquaintances agreed to help keep him at bay. Blessed to have them.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Recognize that, as much as you lead the horse to water, you can’t make them drink. We all go into those stages where we want to believe we can help these people be better if they would just listen to us but we can’t force them to listen. It’s best to just move on, recognize that this is a hopeless venture and keep them out of your life until they can own up and learn on their own.

[DishLady]

Well said, CTD. Yes, agreed. It's what I realized about two weeks ago. There's nothing more for me to do other than to just walk away. He's trapped in a toxic cycle and I can't get sucked into it. I have other obligations to myself and my loved ones.

[Booboolove69]

Honestly, since he didn’t read your letter, it’s probably because he needed space from you to think about how everything went down
So that’s why I said I would give him another chance because maybe he’s had some serious time to think about how I treated you

[Booboolove69]

Oops I mean he or she not I 🤣

[DishLady]

No worries.

He’s had loads of time to think. But it’s not fair to keep a person in limbo, refuse to accept a call to being mindful, and then expect the other person to comply with a toxic association.

[Booboolove69]

You’re right

[Spencer10]

There comes a point where you have to look out for number 1. I think that point has been clearly reached. Trust your gut and do not overthink... for your own well being it sounds like its time to walk away. With your head held high. But I am sure you know that.

[DishLady]

Yeah, I do. My last interaction with the guy was a massive wakeup call that he's just delusional and felt entitled to treat me a certain way, which I don't permit in my life.

[Friendlybro79]

Don't permit it then. Say goodbye and move onto someone worth the time. Life's to short

[DishLady]

Absolutely. 💯

[OlderAndWiser]

Your letter to the other person took them out of the driver’s seat and took away their control of the situation. Instead of being angry, just write them off and push them out to the edge of your personal universe.

[DishLady]

I'm not angry, just not willing to stand around waiting for change anymore. It's time for me to move on and just ignore this guy.

[OlderAndWiser]

Exactly! Don’t let an unworthy person claim any portion of your life.

[DishLady]

Thanks OW. <3

[Grond21]

It sounds like the letter is the second chance.

I have seen this kind of behavior before and I think you're handling it well. I would probably tell them that if they're not willing to read a letter I took time to write to them then we don't have a relationship anymore and just walk away.

[DishLady]

Thank you. :)

[Grond21]

Best of luck

[DishLady]

<3 .

[Grond21]

You are blessed. And strong to hold the line

[7Phoenix7]

Stick to your guns and walk away. It seems like the person is selfish. They didn't even put in the effort to read the letter you wrote. That is a clear message that they don't value you as they should.

[DishLady]

Correct. Thanks.

[HawkPerception]

You already know my opinion on the matter DL. As rare as opportunities are for potential connections, if the person is not on the same wavelength as you, it's best to keep them at arms length.

[DishLady]

Lol. Yes, I do. Aren't you proud of me for finally just blocking and walking away? I was trying to give us both space, but some people simply don't deserve to have your time and space. (That sounds snobby, but I feel like he felt he was entitled to my time and space... and he's lost the rights to it when he acted this way.)

Honestly even "arms length" is too close now. That was my initial offer to him... "arms length". Now I'm at the point where if I see him I have to walk away.

[HawkPerception]

I am proud of you! And I hope you permanently bury the matter in the past and move on with your life 😊 The sooner you do, the sooner you'll be at peace 🙏🏼

[DishLady]

Yes. This coming week is Holy Week and there's a process to go through to spiritually purge, the same way we have before Christmas. I'm a little pissed I have to go through it again, however I'm glad that it's with more clarity this time.

[IslaTheWitch]

nothing... people not always will see your intentions because they are more focused on their fears and insecurities...

there is nothing to do... if you try to convince them they will defend themselves without listening to you...

just walk away...

[Rimaisme]

I don't know why we are talking about chances at all

[DishLady]

I know. I was trying to be nice, though, and to give him a chance to turn things around, but alas... Dbags don't change.

[Rimaisme]

I hope you have made your decision.

[DishLady]

(I made it yesterday. I was just checking in with y'all to see if it had been th emost reasonable thing to do.)

[Rimaisme]

❤️❤️❤️✔️

[RavVid]

Don't see the point if you are not on the same moral page.

[DishLady]

Yeah, exactly. I thought we were, based on our earlier interactions, but then things went unexpectedly south very abruptly and he's been... I don't know... I think "gaslighting" is the right term...

[RavVid]

I don't the circumstances but if you think that it is probably because you are being gaslight.

[worldscolide]

I'd block, I have no room for that in my life. And for the record their second chance was your letter that they ignored.

[DishLady]

See, that's what I said about the second chance. Read it or get lost...

[worldscolide]

Agreed!

[fish5505_87]

I'm almost certain there is a back story to all this, that said, This individual does not respect you enough to read the letter! As you stated, Stick to your guns.

[DishLady]

Yeah, of course there is. But bottom line is that his ego stretches way past the freeway so he didn't want to read a letter calling for him to be mindful. Instead he got condescending and entitled... after months of putting off what should have been a simple conversation only to have this little moment where he clearly showed his ass I had enough. I figure I've been patient and forgiving and all that... I did my due diligence as a mindful person, leading by example... It was on him to reciprocate and he just didn't do it.

[fish5505_87]

Well said. He's obviously the center of his own universe, glad you got out. You took the high road and played the adult.

[Smile456]

I would need to know more context to be more certain, but it sounds like he may have been using you (if he will not commit).

[DishLady]

Without getting into the nitty gritty of it, I took space and the person chased me down to ask if we were "cool". I answered we're not, unless the terms of the letter (to be mindful) are accepted. It's been months and the person has had time to read and process the letter... didn't do so... didn't talk to me about it (though stating several times that we do need to talk) and then again tried to override/sidestep the "call to action" (to be mindful and respectful towards me), claiming again that he just wants us to "be cool" (which makes no sense to me). I left it on "we're not cool" and suggested he read the letter and we talk through it. But it's been a few additional weeks now and I'm honestly done. I feel it's time to walk away. I can't tell his motive for being this way.

[Smile456]

Thanks for clarifying. Yes, cut-and-dried, very straight forward situation. Definitely time to look elsewhere.

[DishLady]

I wonder a little now if I should have bothered with the letter at all. I feel now like it was a waste of time.

[Smile456]

You shouldn't have bothered. Actions speak louder than words.

[DishLady]

Hmm. Yes, agreed.

[Finchie40]

Just move on , never waste your time on someone that doesn’t give the same way or equivalent that you give to them. It’s their loss , not yours’

[ryanrhino]

You specifically left a consequence if they chose not to read your heartfelt words. It's up to them to stop the friendship from ending.

[NathanDavis]

their choice... their loss

[DishLady]

You're very sweet. Thanks, Nat. Hope all is well.

[NathanDavis]

I would not complain... best wishes as well (=

[exitseven]

screw em

[DishLady]

(No thanks, lol.)

[exitseven]

I did not mean literally. 😊😊😊

[DishLady]

Hahahaha.

[ABC1x1x]

You should block them for their benefit. You are insufferable

[DishLady]

Block. Got it, troll. Here's your benefit.

[DrPepper12]

Bye Felicia!! 👋🏻

[Booboolove69]

🤣🤣