Social media, does my boyfriend not like me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend asked me if I deleted my instagram account and I replied no. It’s the only social media I have and he has his facebook, Snapchat, instagram. He got mad and started yelling. Then he said some hurtful things and then said his friends said he can find better. This really hurt me for some reason. He was putting me down too and said I’ll never get a ring. Do you think he just doesn’t like me?

Updates

11 mo

Now he messaged me saying he’s sorry about yesterday but this isn’t the first time he’s hurt me. First time he’s said sorry thogh

[DCVsMarvel2]

People who cause problems, just for the sake of it

Are generally hiding something, they're freaking out about

You can choose to confront him about it, or you can ignore it, by either going about your business, hurt, or, just simply, leave him

It's your choice. I can't make it for you, since I'm not you

[Anonymous]

Imagine someone smashes your fingers with a hammer until you submit. Its not about wether or not he likes you, its about you leaving before his next hammer swing

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear you have such little self worth.

[Opinion Owner]

This is embarrassing and shameful.

[Asker]

I know…pretty sure I’m trauma bonded at this point. I can’t tell my friends any of this because I know it’s bad. It might be best I just block him because I somehow end up feeling bad.

[Opinion Owner]

You feel bad because somewhere deep in there you believe you deserve better. You’d never in a million years advise any person you love to stay in something like this, so show yourself the same love. I know it’s hard to believe there’s better men out there when you have always dealt with disappointment but trust me, once you find the winner, you’ll look back at this and kick yourself a trillion times for not leaves sooner. You don’t need any more red flags or writings on the wall — leave his ass alone. Wait patiently for a man you can be proud to tell anyone, let alone your friends, about.

[Opinion Owner]

On top of all this, imagine how absolutely crushed and devastated you’d be if after all this, HE was the one to walk away. He is actively looking, constantly being told he can do better, he just hasn’t found it. Please do not let him be the one to drop you, on top of everything else.

[Asker]

Thank you! I really needed to hear this. I kept forgiving and giving chances over and over. Now he messaged saying stop being mad and called. It doesn’t erase the put downs and everything else. So I’ll keep re reading your message for strength because I need it

[Opinion Owner]

He just doesn’t want you to be the one to walk away first. He wants you accessible for whatever you guys do until he finds this woman that he’s convinced would be so much better.

You know why he has the nerve to think and talk this way now? Because he’s lost sight of your value. Im sure in the beginning he worked hard for you, put in the effort and basically made you feel like a prize. Then somewhere along the line he fucked up, and he wasn’t sure if you’d forgive him, but you did. You probably didn’t make him work very hard to earn your affection, things went back to normal fairly quick and unfortunately that was his first lesson that he can do what he wants and you won’t go anywhere.

Then he did it again, and you took him back again. His words got harsher, as did his actions, and each time rather than giving his loser ass the boot he deserves, you forgave. I learned long ago that most men can’t appreciate that sort of care because they themselves can be selfish and have no problem acting in their own best interest. Don’t get me wrong, once he finds that woman who he’s deeply in love with, he will act right. But it’s not you, it can’t be when he treats you like this and I think the sooner you accept this, the easier time you’ll have cutting him off.

Please don’t equate that to your value either — you are worth more than someone like him deserves. You’ve just lost sight of that somewhere along the way and should really work to rediscover it.

[Asker]

This reply is gold. You’re absolutely correct.

I used to help him financially, would cook for him, buy him anything he needed etc.

In the beginning he was attentive and put in effort. Then at some point it stopped. He drove me drunk without telling me and I was upset. He gave me the silent treatment for two days. Then he started calling me a bitch. I’d be at his place and he started to choose drinking with his buddies over spending time with me. He ruined my Christmas plans, Easter, basically any special occasion. He forgot my birthday saying how we argued so much that he forgot. He’d lie to me and I’d confront him and the list goes on. He used to say our relationship is miserable. After every fuck up things went back to normal and repeat.

He messaged again saying “stop being mad we are going to get married” but the ring thing is just one thing he said. He was saying how him and his ex got along and how after they broke up how she took him back, how all his exes would take him back and how none of mine would take me back. He said how he’ll be miserable with me until he dies, how I don’t socialize (his friends are all drunks and do drugs and I don’t either). Behind my back he was telling his friends how I’m a dumb bitch.

I know I need to work on myself because I never deserved any of it, no one would deserve even just one of these things that I went through.

[Opinion Owner]

He’s caused so much trauma that honestly even the pros to dating him won’t outweigh such disgusting cons. He is a gross person, an insecure and sad little man. His personality is shit and I’m willing to bet that is why he can’t keep a woman, not because his lying ass claims he was the prize. You’re only getting his side and of course it’ll make him sound the best.

Men like him, who need to step on their woman’s neck in order to feel big and strong, don’t deserve to ever touch a woman again and I mean that. Your self esteem is in the trash right now and it’s all his fault. You need to start believing that you can do better than this, don’t let that narcissistic scumbag continue to make you lose sight of that. Because once you’re fully convinced you can’t do better, and you’re looking in the mirror seeing some ugly troll and it’s because the man who’s supposed to love you made you feel that way, then that is your time to go. Block him at every angle, reconnect with your friends and start healing.

[Opinion Owner]

He’d need to have some shining, incredibly redeeming qualities to make you do anything other than what I’m about to suggest: tell yourself the worst things about him. You’re used to filling your head with all the precious memories and lovely things about him that it’s all you can see, and at this point it’s overshadowed his actual toxic behavior to a concerning extent. Once you shift gears and start talking yourself into being sick of him, then the feelings will follow. Tell yourself the sex isn’t really that good when you think about it, or how his bad attitude make you sick. Make yourself feel nauseated by his haughtiness and turned off by his narcissism.

[Asker]

You’re spot on. I don’t know how you know, but you touched on everything. Honestly thank you so much for taking the time to reply and giving me the reality check I needed.

I have been focusing on the good/cute moments and somehow I put more focus on those and tend to not think of the negatives.

He is insecure. He would be jealous and controlling. He used to say that he’s a prize. His longest relationship before me was 3 months. He called me a narcissist once and I remember going into the other room and just being sad questioning myself if he’s right. He’d blame me for things, he’d get mad if I caught him in a lie and would yell. He’d break and throw things. I would be crying on the floor. So when he’s saying how he gets along with his ex, it hurts because I’m like what’s wrong with me. They would drink together, smoke and do drugs and he told me how she was saying she missed him, how they’d cuddle a lot more. His female friend who gives him drugs told him to leave me because he was saying how I don’t want him to drink (he has a problem and said he wants to stop and he’d get aggressive when drinking). It’s all really taken a toll on me. When I needed him he wasn’t there for me and instead ghosted me several times sometimes for a couple weeks.

I’ll write out a list of things that he did that hurt me and all of his negatives and I’ll read it over.

[Opinion Owner]

No problem, I went through a very similar situation in my 20s so I get what you’re going through and how it can be so hard to get out. In all honesty I think men like him prefer women who don’t put up a fight or who let him treat them like a punching bag. It’s so crazy that in this day and age, guys like him want a woman so bad, yet hate us so much. He probably agrees a lot with Andrew state and the manoverse😭

He has no right to say what he says or make you feel like you do, but so long as you keep taking him back, he’ll never see incentive to change.

He’s done a very good job making you feel like his is what you deserve, or that this is love. He’s had a lot of practice in manipulation and projecting his own insecurities to where you feel worse than he does about his own self. Everything he’s saying, about how he can do better and etc etc, just know that he thinks that of you. He has found such a good woman and he knows that his true nature would push you away once you realize your worth. That’s why he has to keep his foot on your neck, making you feel low and undeserving of “someone like him”. It’s disgusting, and once you start recognizing how gross it is, you’ll be done.

[Opinion Owner]

Now that the veil has dropped and you see him for who he is, as yourself truly what does he have to offer? You were having to help him with finances in the past, I don't know what his situation is like now but I’m sure it’s not some major success story. He hangs out with drug addicted losers, parties all the time, his attitude sucks, like this dude couldn’t be less of a catch if he tried and he knows that. That’s why when you first met, he had to reel you in by wooing you, lovebombing and putting his best face on. It was never the real him though, it was an act and once he got what he wanted and he felt like you wouldn’t leave no matter what, the act dropped.

Now he has you so sprung that you do the work for him. He doesn’t need to put much effort (if any at all) into making up lies or excuses, you rationalize his behavior and excuse it all on your own because you want to see the best in him. You want to hope for change or betterment. But this is just who he is.

My dad asked me a long time ago when I was in this situation “if what’s happening now were the best your relationship was ever going to get, would you still stay?”
I didn’t even have to think twice, it was immediately fuck no. Like despite how deeply I loved my ex, I couldn’t imagine being treated so poorly for the rest of my life. I couldn’t imagine raising children in that environment or having a son who looked up to that asshole as what a man should be. Or if I had a daughter, for her to see how her dad treats me and think that’s what she should look for. Looking at things that way really helped me let my ex go.

It was not easy, the first 3 months were the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life. But at some point it got easier. Especially once I kept reminding myself of how bad he was vs giving in to missing him and so I look at all the good times.

[Asker]

Your dad gave you great advice. I was always thinking okay he has potential and he’ll change, but it doesn’t work that way. He worked off and on last year and literally didn’t work until this month since end of summer last year. He’s been selling everything he owns. He actually would tell me how he hates women and how they’re dumb etc. We met at work and he was funny and charming but at some point there was no effort anymore. He really doesn’t have anything to offer me. When I’d go over I’d feel so alone because he’d be playing his video game.

You’ve helped me immensely. I didn’t realize this before. Thank you :)

[Opinion Owner]

No problem at all, sometimes changing your perspective can really help look at things differently. I’m not even trying to be judgy of him at all but my god that man’s a loser lol. Now it makes sense why he projects so much and tries to make you think he’s gods a gift to earth because the moment you realize how pathetic he is you’d leave him just like all the others.

You should use all that negativity about him, plus all the other stuff I’m sure there’s not even space to mention, as motivation to walk away. At this point it’s like the good parts seem so worthless compared to the horrible person he’s proven himself to be now. I’m sure the more you ignore him the more insistent he’ll be but keep in mind, that isn’t out of true love it’s out of narcissism. He wants things to end on his terms, or to maybe settle on you one day if nothing else works out and to me both routes are shitty.

[Asker]

This is so so true. I knew the people he was around weren’t my type but I still tried to see the good in him. He’s no good though, not for me. I really needed this. Thank you for helping me.

[DryGermanGuy]

🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

[DryGermanGuy]

🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

[Anonymous]

Dump his ass.

[Anonymous]

Please leave him.

[Anonymous]

Leave his ass