Is It Really Okay To Tell A Guy To "Man Up" When Things Get Tough?

[Physics-Man]

Yes

No

Other

[BCRanger10]

Very much YES!

In difficult times, someone has to take command and control, someone has to be a calming, centralized, and stabilizing presence. It might as well be someone who is generally physically bigger and stronger, whose voice can be booming, forceful, and authoritative one moment, but soothing, calming, and motivating the next. Someone who has more single-track and compartmentalized thinking (as I've heard it, a man's brain is a waffle, whereas a woman's is spaghetti), who is more competitive and better at self-regulating by nature, someone who gets a degree of satisfaction in facing and overcoming overwhelming odds, who takes a mindset like Creighton Abrams: "They've got us surrounded again. Those poor bastards." And that is a man.

Saying "man up" is not disregarding a man's feelings or saying they don't matter. It just means that there's a time and place for a man to be more vulnerable. But it is not in the midst of chaos or crisis. I think the best example of that is Gene Krantz from the Apollo 13 movie.

Like another user on this thread already said. No one is coming to save you. Death, enemies, illness, debt, loss, none of them care about how you feel. It's best to have that strength and focus of determination and will and to engage the struggle accordingly.

[BCRanger10]

Thank you for MHO 🙌

[OneViewpoint]

OK has nothing to do with it. No one is coming to save you. Either curl up in a ball and quit or stand up, brush yourself off, and keep moving forward. Lying to someone to make them feel better is NOT helping them.

[Account]

Nope. I have never done that. Men have feelings too, telling them to man up to appear strong does more harm than good. We should acknowledge the fact that all humans have a right to be disappointed and to feel and express sadness when negative situations occur.

[Anonymous]

I think so to a degree. But at the same time if you’re saying such a thing to someone, especially if he’s younger then that means you’re saying you’re a man cause you’d man up as in whatever situation he’s going through. So w that said I think you as the “man” should offer some help, some guidance if they’re willing to listen. I get it, in the end no one is coming to save you, you have to either stand on your two feet and wither the storm or curl up in a ball. Doesn’t mean you can’t offer advice to other men who may need it. A lot of us grew up w out someone to look up to, to emulate. I’m sure a lot of us would have be grateful had we had someone to kick us in the ass but in a helping sort of way. Not to solve our issues but to guide us through it. And no before someone says I’m probably some beta male, some pussy or whatever you think, I’m far from it. Spent ten years in the military, worked as a prison guard for another 5, now in medical. So I’ve seen a lot, experienced a lot, “manned” up a lot. What’s even more harder than manning up is admitting you need help. Because to a lot of men, admitting you need help isn’t being a man. It’s taken me a long time to process a lot of things I went through, especially in the military w friends I lost. The crazy thing is it’s usually older men telling young kids to man up when their mentality compared to ours is far different. I remember when my girl cheated on me in high school, one of the worse times in my high school days, like I couldn’t go one. I’m sure many of us have been through that. But now at my age I’m thinking damn that’s nothing compared to what I go through now or have been through. So the mentality is different. How can you tell these kids to man up when most of them have never really seen what a real man is growing up in their lives? We need to do better in helping each other as men. A lot of men are struggling. I’ve had a couple of my cousins commit suicide because of their struggles. I wish they were still around today.

[DishLady]

It depends. With many clients as well as with the guys I've loved and had in my life, the concept of "powering through" is considered a badge of honor in their hearts. And while they feel like their souls are bleeding out they believe that it's best to stoically power through.

But fuck stoicism. I will always encourage guys in my care to open up. Men need to talk and express themselves too. It's NOT childish or stupid to talk about your feelings, to share and confide in someone you trust and love.

On a rare occasion, however if I see a guy is lost and drowning in his own sorrow to the point that he is depressed and unproductive, I do gently nudge him into "man up" mode. While it's healthy to express your feelings it's equally important to learn how to let go afterwards and to move on. It's not healthy to dwell on the past for too long.

[Purpleronnie]

Nah I think there are always better ways to get the message accross “should” the situation demand a stronger stance. The first steps should always be to actively listen and understand another’s predicament as it’s all about the live lived by that person. It’s not necessarily their fault that they aren’t equipped with the experience or understanding of how to tackle anything life throws at them. This could easily be explained but parenting or lack of , different cultures , different or more sheltered upbringing not to mention social or physical abuse.


“ man up “ , “ put on your big boy pants” etc are often said off the cuff and flippantly for the worst of reasons , belittling , embarrassment and to appear stronger to the opposite sex “ peacocking” but people need to be more stoic and attempt to understand and not to win points from the weak

[LazerBean]

It depends. Not every tough situation requires Manning up. But there are plenty of people in tough situations specifically because they are not acting like responsible adults. And in those cases, it is perfectly valid to say such things. While it is valid, it is almost never politically correct to say it though.

My mother-in-law prefers saying "Time to put your big girl panties on."

[Joshydavid25]

Most definitely... A lot of men need to be told that... But at the same time a lot of people do use it to shame men who may not have made the best decisions in life and want to move forward but have a hard time getting started, or are simply lost and need direction.. Basically making those guys socially stigmatized..

[sirderpsalot123]

I think the man up comment is valid when someone isn't doing anything about their situation.

But it's also often used as a socially acceptable way to tell a man that they're not getting any help or emotional support from the people saying it. That's when it becomes a problem.

[purplepoppy]

No because you never know what other issues are going on in the background. I don't know what burdens you bear, nor can I help, but I can avoid being a twat and making things worse.

[oswaldcobblepot]

When you're not being sarcastic, you give great advice

[nl171]

I think that at first everyone needs time to process emotions healthily. By telling a man to “man up” you squash the space he needs to process. Now if after a significant amount of time, the man is just feeling sorry for himself and not doing anything productive to process the emotions. That’s when I think the tough love of “man up” should come into play.

[MrAnonimouse]

Yes and no... No in the sense that you need to know he is a human being too and can express himself by being vulnerable... They way you say man up shouldn't be degrading his manhood... It's like kicking him in the nuts when he is already down... But yes... Yes how? In a way to remind him that he is still very strong... He is strong enough to not wallow in his emotions and he is vulnerable enough... And to nudge him and remind him he is perfectly capable and remind him how his strength has been the strength to many... And this is just a breeze in the big picture..

[dustybiker2]

No. Everyone is allowed a moment to regroup. Life is overwhelming and gets to everyone from time to time.

[OlderAndWiser]

Telling a guy to "man up" expresses the opinion that he is not acting like a man. It would be like telling a girl to grow some tits; it's just a cruel and insensitive way to make a statement.

[518aminthemorning]

In certain cases. Sometimes what you need to do is mourn and let all your emotions out. Other times you need to stay focused and level headed and don’t let your emotions drag you down. It all depends on the situation and the person’s mentality. This goes for both men and women

[Zack-Bann]

We live in a man’s world and always will


So yes
This is both the good and bad rolled into one

[glennos89]

If my girlfriend says this to me during a moment where I feel the need to vent Im instantly turned off instantly.

She inmedietly makes me unlike her

[MemeSupreme]

i wouldn't say it like THAT, but yeah, i think just people need to hear it sometimes too

definitely dont do it if they're opening up tho lol

[Anonymous]

it's funny when those who complain about "toxic masculinity" have no issue weaponizing that same "toxic masculinity" against others

[spartan55]

I would say no because that is telling me something Captain Obvious would. If I haven't figured out I'm being a pussy then I will soon enough, and I certainly don't need someone pointing it out to me.

[trumpetplayerforlife]

I don't think so i feel like that can be emotional abuse guys are allowed to feel down and be in there feels and I think it should be expressed more often

[slatyb]

Not really. What does that even mean? Anyway telling people to "man up" is not helpful in any way. If you want to help, talk to them and find out why they are having difficulty doing what needs to be done.

[CaptainSmartass]

Yes. There are far too many woke milksops out there who need a kick up the arse.

Simples...

[Rides_Big_Guys]

I had a guy friend I had to say this too. He got upset and asked for sex and I let him hump me in his room with his hard tiny cock.

[Ironco]

If he's Gen X you do, he'll understand and respect that. The other younger generations, not so much.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the situation. Guy gets a splinter; go for it. Guy looses his wife and kids in a car crash; pass on that. Like most things in life you'll have to find the line between the two using your best judgement.

[WilliamPamer446]

Dependes lol sometimes we need understanding or encouragement and sometimes we whine to much or need tough love

[Babygirl_S]

I wouldn’t unless HE tells ME to be tougher like some warrior or something

[FreyaRed]

Yes. I grow up among older boys and there is no place for self-pity among men in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we need more of that. Today's men (and women) have thin skins and it's not good for them or for society.

[SillyMari]

Wouldn't that basically fall under toxic masculinity?

[zagor]

Depends on the situation. If (as happened to a couple guys I know) his Dad just commit suicide, or his Mom or wife died, probably not an appropriate response.

[captain_voidwalker]

As a man emotion is weakness , never show emotion it will be used as ammo against you.

[jazzy34]

Nope. That phrase falls under toxic masculinity to me.

[Paul09]

Ridiculous. There isn't a switch to turn off feelings. $hit happens and sometimes very rough. Got to get by and try to recoup. This alpha mentality is so dumb.

[SamWinchester058]

Yes, but from other men. Not women lest they desire the men to begin questioning their womanhood.

[Anonymous]

No, I don't think it's okay, I don't like that patriarchal philosophy.

[AngryCarl2]

It's not helpful. Even if it's well-intentioned you're actually just minimizing their problems.

[beefcakebradybatson]

That's typical dull-normal white American schlubbo "thinking."

[Ciaax]

I mean, I believe being a man is hella tough, people expect you to be a superhero.

I prefer to give hugs than telling him to man up

[qwerty2469]

You better. If you love him. You'll be sorry if he doesn't.

[Abdulw]

Sometimes a little tough talk is good.

[seeyounexttuesday]

At times for sure.

[juleyboo74]

YES!

[queenofcardio]

I wouldn't.

[whereismyjohnny]

Nope.