Why, was my supervisor teasing me about my coworker, who I haven't brought in months to her?

[Anonymous]

So, to make a long story. A few months back I confessed to my supervisor, about my suspiciousness of my coworker oh his behavior and how I felt that he was interested in me. Then, there was another time, I confessed and mentioned to her about my feelings for him and how I had a crush on him. So, I told her, please don't say anything to him. Fast forwarding, a few weeks afterwards. He started acting distance and not making very much conversation with me. To the point, when he did approach me, he started doing it in private. At 1st I really didn't understand it, I'm like that's weird and what is this a game he's playing. And, I notice when are supervisor isn't at work. He seeks our my attention the most! he talks talking to me and won't shut up. But, it's cute 🥰. But, when are supervisor is there, my gosh! Silence. But anyways, when they saw him and I together, they would tease me or be looking lol and smiling. lol 🤣. Like, this is so high school stuff WTF. So, months later. He to become distance and I was confused like OH Ok cool f it. So I decided that I was going to move on and let it go. So I had to go back, and pretend like I wasn't interested in him. But fast forwarding up to today. I haven't brought up this guy to her months. And when I was at work this morning, and vacuum cleaning the floors, a rock got stuck in it. And, it almost like a shooting sound. So, she said: oh no. I'm going to get... blank.. blank.. he's going to come and get you. She said, he going to come get me, for breaking another vacuum cleaner. But remind you guys, I haven't mentioned anything else about him. So what was her reasoning? I only said. No! it's not broke. Wtf is deal? Read updates to question below! 👇🏾

Updates

8 mo

Like, what is she trying to do. Because she never said, that him and I couldn't talk. He's the one, started acting weird with me, around her others coworkers. But, she was acting some type of way, like she didn't want him and I to connect. But now, she's saying that he's going to come and get me a vacuum cleaner. I wonder, if he Said something or was she trying to see my reaction?

[Bitter_Sweet94]

It sounds like your supervisor is just teasing you because she remembers what you told her months ago.

People don’t always forget those conversations, even when the topic has been quiet for a while.

Her comment about him “coming to get you” probably wasn’t that deep more like a playful nudge to see your reaction or to joke about the situation she already knows about.

It doesn’t necessarily mean he said anything or that she’s trying to interfere.

Sometimes coworkers enjoy the drama of it more than the people involved.

If you’ve already moved on emotionally, just keep your boundaries steady and don’t give her any new material to play with.

Let your actions show that you’re neutral, and the teasing will usually fade on its own.

[Asker]

Thank You! 🙏🏾. Exactly, because I was like what in the world. Like, i responded back with a No! It's not broken. But, I was laughing. And, she was looking straight at me. But your right, I thought it may have been something that they have talked about or so.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

You handled it the right way , calm, a little playful, and not giving her anything extra to work with.

Her looking straight at you was just her trying to read your reaction.

When you didn’t blush, panic, or over explain, you basically shut the door on the joke without causing drama.

And no, it doesn’t necessarily mean they talked about anything.

People like her just love keeping old stories alive because it entertains them, not because there’s new information.

Keep your energy exactly like this, steady, light, and unbothered.

She’ll get bored and the teasing will fade.

[Asker]

Thank Yu for that. But I have another update, about this situation. I was going to post another question. But it was wayy to long like the detail. But if I can DM you or type it in the respond box. Because I enjoy your feedback and it's very positive and straight to the point of knowing what could actually be the case. So thank you.

[Asker]

So, the new update information. Is I've been told by a psychic, a few of them: that there's a third party, and he's a player. And I'm definitely am starting to get the vibes of player energy maybe even a secret relationship at the job or hiding something at the workplace. But anyways, I didn't that people are private and they don't want whatever connection they have for another person to get around to others just because of gossiping and making assumptions. Or maybe if it has anything to do with competition they don't want others, trying interfere. But anyways continue to keep reading. I'm going to try to make this short just because it is just a reply but I'm going to get at least detailed enough so you can give me your best advice and respond. But continue to read below. Thank You

[Asker]

So I noticed that it was one of our colleagues that he was talking to. Every time I seen her he was there, every time I seen him, she was around. They wasn't really doing anything inappropriate but just conversating and talking. But anyways the thing is: I guess maybe she felt like I was a threat. Now, she's mentioned that she has a boyfriend: and she also has kids. But she didn't directly say that it was the guy and the trash room. And he's told me that he has a daughter but he didn't mention anything about his private life. I found out from a friend co-worker that the supervisor was spreading his business about him living with his baby mother and what's causing him to come into work late and he mentioned about his phone being off or how they have one car but from what she told me that he had a girlfriend that he stays with. Okay coolness. But my only concern is when it comes down to this other colleague that works with us as well, I start noticing that it went from 100 with them too like 10%. But she also talks bad about him behind his back, when at one point then he was assuming that she wasn't. She talks about him around his back with our supervisor and other coworker. I mean yes there are things that he could do a lot better and maybe be more concentrated or focused on his job and not so much asking other people to do it. But if the man needs help then I feel like that somehow someway we can all pitch in and support him.

[Asker]

But like my supervisor mentioned this is a workplace we're not here to baby anybody and everybody is responsible for their own job at hand. I agree. But anyways. It went to the point that makes me question could these two have something going on or could it be possibly the supervisor and him may have something going on. He seems to be more open with me and the other coworker as far as how he interacts with us. With the other girl from what I've noticed I don't know if he has touched her inappropriate but she's been around him longer than I have I think I started working with them in September or maybe a month after that. So they have quite some history with each other and if they did sleep with each other that would make sense. But I would say the moment that they found out about me having a crush on him and his interactions with me they was making like kissy faces and making it too obvious. And they don't know how it made him feel: like these people are older than him and I and acting like a bunch of high schoolers. But anyways I noticed she started putting on eyeliner and makeup and trying to make herself appear to be more attractive to him, because it went to the point that even when he got around her he wasn't communicating as much. And she honestly was the only one that seen the chemistry and the connection between him and I that day when him and I was locking eyes and looking our lips and staring at each other and silence for a good minute until she said okay then it start giggling. And I don't know if it's jealousy or not. But I'm pretty sure she told our supervisor about it, and at the time he was giving me more attention but he was still communicating with both of us into him and I locked eyes. But weeks after that or maybe a month after that.. actually. She started wearing perfume and basically doing things that I would do to draw his attention into her more. But the thing is even if I didn't wear makeup or lip gloss or whatever.

[Asker]

He noticed me regardless. He will get so distracted with what he had to do and I'm not saying that I was the cause. But he started to disengage from his supervisor and his other colleagues. And would find time to come and seek me out and talk to me when they wasn't around. Like I said when it comes down to me and this other coworker, if she's around he was still talk he would just say very little and try not to do too much.. but when it comes to our supervisor. This man is like a complete ghost. So what gives

[Asker]

But again. They were all being negative to him. And I don't blame him, I wouldn't want to be around somebody who's bad-mouthing me or being negative. So I noticed that they took me out of the west building for a while due to some coworkers that used to work with us are no longer there anymore. And the supervisor said some days I might be in West other days I might be in east and south and she said that goes for anybody else as well.

[Asker]

Cuz I kind of took it personal at first cuz I'm just like what's going on because he was disengaging with everyone and not really saying much and ignoring our supervisor phone calls and they will fuss him out about his work performance and just other stuff. But, fast forwarding. I noticed since I haven't been over there everybody seems to be a little bit more positive do they still talk smack about him. Probably on the low. Yea. But they said that he seems to be more..

[Asker]

focused and he's actually getting the job done. And what I really wanted to ask you as well too. When I went downstairs to see what the coworker needed me to do because my supervisor send me to her. She basically already said he did everything else and just for me to do the windows, and vacuum the floor as I mentioned. And I noticed when I first walked in before I got downstairs the vacuum cleaner was in the lobby. So I feel that he moved it closer to his workstation. Because when I came back upstairs he was basically indoors. So i kind of hesitated for a little bit to even approach him just due to the negativity that he's receiving and what could be really going on behind the scenes. But when I approached him he looked at me out the corner of his eyes and didn't say anything, then the second time I said it a little louder and I said excuse me and he didn't fully engaged with me he just had his back turned away from me but looking out the corner of his eyes and said yeah and I said are you using the vacuum. And he said oh no you good you can take it. .

[Asker]

So he stood there just for a bit, until I think he walked off. He checked his phone and then quickly continue with whatever he was doing. And remind you. Our supervisor nor are other co-workers was even around at that time. And usually he's thrilled about communicating with me when we have that 1 on 1 time. But he was very disconnected for me. I felt it in his energy. But he did things just enough to still signal that he was still very much here. Sometimes even when we're not talking we still communicate through silence and I understand the assignment. But my thing is I personally don't really care if he's talking to that girl downstairs or not. But why put himself out there and make things very much obvious because people are starting to know question his behavior with me. Because he gets super quiet, or he doesn't talk to anybody. And my thing is like if you are avoiding me just because you're now talking to the other girl. Don't find excuses or ways to talk to me. But as I mentioned he will still communicate with me even if she is around if I have a question or whatever.. it's just when the supervisor is there. It's like he doesn't see me. Even if our supervisor is there any other coworker is around he might go over to her instead but don't say anything but maybe make small touches or so. And like yesterday instead of her being nosy she told me to go up there and see if the vacuum was there. So I don't know if those two had a conversation or what. But, the way he was acting was just totally weird.. and as a man yourself just wanted to know what are you consider this type of behavior?

[Bitter_Sweet94]

That’s a lot to unpack, so let me simplify it for you,

First * psychics, coworkers’ gossip, and assumptions from the outside are not reliable sources.

They add noise, not clarity.

Second * his behavior looks less like “secret romance” and more like a guy who’s overwhelmed, talked about behind his back, and trying to survive a messy workplace dynamic.

People pull away when,

* they feel judged.

* they’re being talked about.

* coworkers create tension.

* they don’t know who’s safe.

And you already described all of that happening around him.

About the other girl,

Her makeup, perfume, sudden changes that sounds like insecurity and competition, not proof of a relationship.

Women don’t upgrade their appearance for men they already have.

As for him avoiding you sometimes and engaging other times, that’s actually very typical for someone who likes the attention but is also trying to manage how things look at work.

When the supervisor is around, he distances himself.

When she’s gone, he relaxes again.

That tells you he’s worried about workplace gossip, not that he suddenly lost interest.

The moment things became “obvious,” he probably realized people were watching.

When that happens, men often pull back out of self protection, not rejection.

He’s not consistent because he’s not stable emotionally or situationally right now.

It’s not about you.

The vacuum moment?

That’s exactly what it felt like,

He still acknowledged you, he wasn’t rude, he kept his distance because he’s trying to control appearances. That’s all.

If you want my honest read as a guy,

He likes you.

He enjoys the connection.

But he doesn’t want to get dragged into workplace drama or give coworkers anything new to talk about,
so he’s playing it safe.

The real question is whether you want to stay in the middle of this triangle of gossip, supervisors, and insecure colleagues?

because that environment will drain you faster than any man will.

[Asker]

Aww, you almost made me cry. Thank You for be honest. I know, they was like look at him when I come around. And your right, he may be dealing with conflicts at home and in the workplace. And I notice the way, the way my supervisor was teasing me the other day, and it was super annoying. But I try my hardest to stay calm and relax and not create tension on me. So I quickly said, no. It's no need to get him. It's not broke. And my supervisor was saying out loud: and they all started laughing l... Like wtf. My supervisor/coworkers and including the girl. I wonder if they tease him also. But you may be on to something, because he seem to focus and they mentioned how he was getting his work done, since I been doing East and West building: for two weeks. Then my supervisor got on to me about his behavior and asked what was he doing, downstairs the day. And somebody also told on him, that he kept going downstairs when I arrived. Because I notice: they try to now keep me where I can be seen, or him. Like, if he's upstairs, they try to send me downstairs. If I'm downstairs, they try to give him more upstairs work. Because like you mentioned, he's not saying that he doesn't like me. And I noticed that he'll still try to find ways to get me near. Like, why else would he move the vacuum cleaner out of the main lobby and more closer to him. He could have just left the vacuum there and then went on about what he had to do.

[Asker]

Like, he was outside: blowing the leaves. And when he notice me: he came in side, and it's like he was waiting for me to come upstairs. Even if he didn't say much: he was standing there. Even this older guy, that works with us as well. They were conversating on that Thursday. I feel like he knows something. Because he came out and look at him and the guy looked at him and looked back at me, then he said. I see you E.

[Asker]

So, I guess what can I do in the meantime! just avoid any type of interactions with him. I mean, I feel like that makes things more suspicious. Because he gets really quiet and awkward with everyone else when I am around. But set aside from that. Him And I had are own conversation about the drama at work, months back. And he mentioned and said yeah that's why he'd be by himself. Because I remember he use to eat breakfast with them in the morning, now he doesn't. Smh it's sad. But let me ask you this, I mean: him and I aren't doing anything! but conversating. Like, I'm just trying to understand what's the worst things that could possibly even happen if they see the two of us together. All they just do is typically tease us or be watching us like awe look at them. But as you mentioned he might be under a lot of tension and stress 😬. Because for him to feel more relaxed, when I had to do the Eest and South building! that says a lot. But he should stay focus regardless if I'm in west building or not. Smh, like I said. He makes things look more obvious then I do. He just can't help himself, watching me and looking at me. And sometimes he gets lost and in the gaze and If I am noticing, I'm sure other people are too. So that makes sense to why, he did what he did lol not give me his full attention and only look at me at the corner of his eyes. Then when our supervisor did come around he completely turned his back away from me while facing her. And you mentioned the other coworker, she's insecure. So I probably shouldn't make assumptions about them having something going on. And Thank You

[Asker]

But, you no. My expectation about the other female co-worker: I'm actually am not making any assumptions or making it up in my head or overthinking. Because, as I was thinking back to a month ago, back in October. She was over there by his work situation, cleaning the windows as I did on Friday. But fast forwarding, when we came over there to see what she was doing, because she wasn't responding back to our supervisor. So they was like ooohhh okay and kinda of like trying to hint, hint something else like she was doing something. It was just the energy from our supervisor and the other coworker.

[Asker]

But, fast forwarding, she called me from her call. And , she was making sure that I was Ok. And I mentioned what happened earlier. And she said, yea! they be trying to be funny and laughed a little. So, he probably does like us both: because when they both of us is over there , that man sits in the trash room for hours. But again, I'm not mad at her. But he really shouldn't poop where he eats, that's why the psychic mentioned that he's a player. And maybe she did feel some way: because his attention was directed on me completely and not her. But, I'm not in competition with anyone. I usually would come to work, to look my best for him, or look cute. And other times I just want to look cute for myself. Forget him! Ahhh I figured it out. Because like I said, when the both of us are in the West building. That man isn't really out and about nor seen. And when the other co-worker is not around, he makes his approach. But it sucks that he just suddenly bounce from her and started giving me all this attention. Damn I feel ashamed. And even, when I would see him talking to her. I wouldn't say anything. Like he sure does have a taste in women. Like the other coworker she is a pretty girl as well. And tbh! I care about him, and I do like him. But not enough to chase him down. Especially when he has a lady at home and hitting on two women at his job: and causing problems and making her feel some way.. smh 🙄. Now, if he did that with me with another woman. I wouldn't care tbh. That's why I move on.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

It makes sense you’re overwhelmed there’s a lot going on around you, and honestly most of it has nothing to do with romance and everything to do with a messy workplace.

Let me break it down the way you need to hear it,

He’s not a bad guy.

He’s not an angel either.

He’s a man under pressure who’s reacting to the environment around him.

People are watching him, talking about him, teasing you, making little jokes, creating stories that would make anyone tighten up, pull back, and try to manage how they look.

His mixed signals fit that perfectly,

* Warm with you when no one is around.

* Distant when supervisors or coworkers are nearby.

* Quiet when the energy is heavy.

* Drawn to you again when the room is calm.

That’s not “player energy.”
That’s self protection.

About the other girl, yes she might have tried to get his attention.

Yes, she might feel competitive.

But she’s not the center of the story.

If there was something serious there, she wouldn’t be talking behind his back or watching you that closely.

People only feel threatened when there’s something they want but don’t fully have.

Now here’s the part you really need to sit with,

You’re not the problem in this situation, the environment is.

Too much gossip.

Too much teasing.

Too many eyes.

Too many assumptions.

Too many adults acting like teenagers.

When that happens, even simple conversations start looking suspicious.

And any man with stress at home plus stress at work is going to retreat sometimes just to breathe.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

So what should you do?

Keep it simple,

* Be polite.

* Be calm.

* Don’t avoid him dramatically that will make people talk more.

* But don’t go out of your way to engage either.

* Keep your energy neutral and steady.

* Let him come to you if he wants to without you carrying any of the weight.

And the shame you’re feeling? That’s not yours.

You didn’t create this mess.

You’re just standing in the middle of other people’s insecurities, gossip, and boredom.

Pull your energy back a little.

Not cold, just balanced.

If he really wants anything with you, he’ll find a way outside the eyes of the office.

But don’t chase this or over invest.

Not with a man who has things to sort out at home, and definitely not in a workplace where everyone has something to say.

You’ve already shown more clarity and self control than anyone else in that building.

Let that work for you.

[Asker]

Well, thank you, I really appreciate the advice. You seem very wise and have a very good understanding about what's going on. Because even him and I had to want a one conversation a few months back, and he has even mentioned to me how they were saying things about me. And he also mentioned and said that's why he maintained and stays to himself. But yes, he has a bit overwhelmed and it's sad because there's really nobody that he has to talk to. The other female coworker that I mentioned to you about earlier in the story: he probably thought that he could confined in her. Because they were talking at one point. The only reason why she may have his attention a little bit more is because she personally has his phone number and he has hers so I'm pretty sure they might exchange conversations through texting. But you're right I shouldn't make any assumptions, because she mentioned that she has a boyfriend: but some women don't care they still would cheat and try to confine in a man that's not theirs. Yes but I see the way that he is around them, because when I first started with them everybody was just chill. And her being are supervisor, she didn't really properly introduce me to none of the other colleagues. And when it came to the guy, she mentioned his name but she also referred as him to the trash man.

[Asker]

And so on. But it doesn't sound like that she gives this man a lot of respect, but once all his time. And I get it, he can't be lousy and lazy on the job. And I don't know if he is a shy person or not. But when he does come to one of them about getting help, it's always an issue or some type of complaint. I mean it's literally about 5 or 6 of us. And we all have things to do and our own jobs and tasks and duties. I leave earlier then they do. But you're right it is always a complaint. And I noticed even when he is trying to do the right thing, they were just on Friday small talking about him, still. They were mentioning his behavior. And you're right we're all adults here and you hit it right on the nose all the three of them are older than the both of us. He's 30 and I'm 34. And the other two ladies are in their mid-30s and I think the other one maybe 45 and the other lady she's like 50 something years old. So you guys are sitting around gossiping about this young man. That's wild and extremely crazy. And I know you mentioned that this has nothing to do with me it's just gossip around the office. But I guess the only thing that I just wanted to know, why did he seem to be more focused when they or had me switch buildings with me for 2 weeks. I don't think it was really just because of him. We are missing like two other people who has successfully completed the program so those two individuals are not there as much and the other young worker she's completely gone. She's known in job development.

[Asker]

And I appreciate you being completely honest with me and actually taking the time to respond. I know this can be exhausting. But you've been very patient and very consistent. But it's very sad and disappointing. Because when I look looked at him on Thursday when I was at work this past week. He looked very sad. My God best friend said I mentioned if he lived closer to me and worked at the same location we all worked at. He said, he would be his friend and support him. But I will definitely keep my head low. And only speak when he approaches me, or want to talk. I'll still give him support and encourage him that he still doing a good job regardless of the interactions. Because as far as I know our supervisor and the other coworkers never mentioned to him how he's doing a good job for some motivation. But I know this one I give him a little bit encouragement. He looks like he's almost getting ready to cry but he says thank you so much like honestly really thank you. And when he have these conversations with me alone. He's not keeping things between us a secret he's basically protecting his own image and his own self. Right?

[Bitter_Sweet94]

Thank you for sharing all that.

I understand why you feel the way you do, the environment there really isn’t supporting anyone, especially him.

And you’re right, it’s not that he’s keeping anything “secret.”

He’s just protecting his image because the space around him doesn’t feel safe.

Anyone would do the same.

About him being more focused when you were moved to the other building , that’s simple.

When you weren’t in their direct view, the pressure and gossip around him eased a little.

It had nothing to do with his feelings toward you.

It was just less noise for him to manage.

Your empathy toward him is kind, but keep your balance.

Support him when it’s natural, but don’t carry his situation on your shoulders.

The rest of them can talk all they want, it doesn’t mean they understand anything.

You’re doing the right thing.

Stay steady and let everything unfold without pushing it.

[Asker]

Thank. You: :) I like how you put that. And most definitely will. Yes, are supervisor and other colleagues can be something else. My supervisor mentioned to me one day that s past week: why do I always talk to this one girl at work. She asked me to call her, once I got to work. And I did, and she said what are you doing. And I mentioned, that I was in South building, talking to H. And she was girl, OMG! you always talking to her. Like, why is that even a concern. H she's been very helpful and and nice. And I told my supervisor before, that her and I are locked in. She's my work buddy, I'm just confused. But other then that, I most definitely see what you mean. Because I really don't hangout with my supervisor or co-workers like that: they are the 3 musketeers lol.

[Asker]

I only engage when i have too, or have questions or they need my assistant or if they need me to do something. And my supervisor, she means well, yes. But, she over do things: she's not a bad person! she just seems like she wants attention or wanna have some drama going or yes and gossip going on.

[Asker]

Smh. But other then that! thank you so much!:it's was a pleasure with speaking with you, and thank you for all your help and actually keeping up with me. I know sometimes my friends they can get overwhelmed with these kind of talks. But you was very patience. Thank You. God bless You!

[Asker]

And, your welcome 🤗🤗 ❤️

[Bitter_Sweet94]

You’re welcome, really.

And I’m glad you have at least one coworker who makes the place feel lighter that matters more than people realize.

Your supervisor sounds like someone who means well but gets caught up in the noise.

That’s her pattern, not your responsibility.

Just keep doing exactly what you’ve been doing,
stay polite, stay focused, and stay close only to the people who bring you peace.

You don’t owe anyone extra energy, especially in a place that feeds off gossip.

And don’t worry, you’re not overwhelming.

You’re just processing a messy environment the best way you can, and you’re doing it with a lot more clarity than you think.

Take care of yourself, keep your balance, and let the rest talk if they want.

It has nothing to do with you.

[Asker]

Thank You sir! you have a wonderful weekend and enjoy the rest of your Sunday ❤️ thank you so much! It's been a pleasure speaking with you

[YasinTR]

It sounds like he still pays attention to you, even if he tries to act distant around your supervisor. His behavior is mixed he pulls away, then suddenly shows interest again. That comment he made today suggests he’s still aware of you and maybe even trying to joke around to get your attention. If you’re confused it’s because he’s acting confusing. Just stay calm, keep your boundaries and don’t read too much into every small moment.

[Asker]

My supervisor mentioned getting him on me, it was about the vacuum cleaner. But she said, I'm going to get him.. such and such is going to come get you. Lol 😂😂

[YasinTR]

xD nice

[Asker]

But, I haven't brought her up to him in like months. And I even mentioned to her that I'm not interested in him. So, why was she bringing him up

[YasinTR]

he probably brought him up because she still thinks there’s something there, even if you told her you’re not interested. People sometimes hang on to old stories or assumptions. It doesn’t mean anything seriousjust ignore it unless it becomes a pattern

[Asker]

Right. And I just ignored it. I said no need to get him I said the vacuum cleaner isn't broke. That just shows that they are probably gossiping about him and I and like you said past things that had happened.