Bfs behavior normal?

[Anonymous]

Hey 👋 this is a throwaway, I guess. My LDR boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. We’ve known each other for over a decade though. I finish my degree this summer and we had a plan to move in together around then. Lately, the conversations about moving in together leeway into his decision-making and his stress about us “not struggling” or “being uncomfortable” by the time we move in. He’s trying his best to make ends meet but it seems scattered. Like he knows what he needs to do but is restricted or it’s prolonged. The conversations make me feel uncertain or even stresses me out! These conversations became constant enough to where I was to emotionally brace myself when I know it’s getting there. I don’t even talk about my finances this way. I told him how this makes me feel worried/ stressed with how often it is. He said okay and doesn’t mean to do that. Recently, I sent him a free event not too far from where I live. I sent it to him saying “I want something to look forward to” and he. crashed. out. With the expectation that he needs to be there, he replied with hows he’s focused on bigger things like moving in. He kept minimizing the event, ultimately making me feel stupid about it. At this point, I thought his financial stress was definitely seeping into the relationship very deeply. When I brought up my concerns, he ultimately said he tells me he worries and stresses so often bc I’m his main confidant, to show he cares and bc a plan (for my security) isn’t “life.” He called it venting, I think it’s more emotional dumping. Is he guilt tripping me? Is this normal? I don't know. He tried excusing it in a way that seemed like “well, that’s too bad.”

[236color]

I think he's a young struggling in a difficult economic environment. He's aware many relationships struggle with money problems. He's also aware many women find a man's ability to "provide" a major factor in a woman's attraction. So, do you want him enough to accept the struggle? If you do, you need to tell him that in plain language.

[Alex-Snow]

You have some valid concerns. You two need to discuss ahead of time on who pays for what, who cleans, who cooks all that stuff. You do not want surprises. Where do you see the relationship going? How is your sex life with him?

[Asker]

I agree. I saw it and going well. Despite financial struggles, we have a genuine connection that is raw. This week had changed my perspective on the way he might handle or cope with stress. What if this is just who he is? Maybe it’s a bad week of reliving stress?

[Alex-Snow]

We all have some ups and downs. But if the pattern keeps up and you see more stress it is a red flag. Sure many of us stress about money... I'm a broke college guy and prices have gone crazy this last year. Do not rush it... give yourself time to see what your gut says. Message me if you want to talk more about it. Hope u are having a good weekend!