How can you tell if a "player" is being sincere or just hitting up another "mark"?

[DishLady]

This is a follow up to the question of whether or not guys play hard to get -- the hot-and-cold game that's basically designed to keep a gal on the hook. (I guess that bc I'm used to dealing with guys who are linear in indicating that they're interested or they're not it's odd to see a guy be distant then suddenly shift gears to intense interest... then back to zero attention again.)

Presuming this is some move in the "player's handbook" how would a gal know whether a player's actually being sincere or just trying to keep her on the hook along with a string of other gals? Or should a gal just assume that "once a player always a player"?

[MrOracle]

Simple: players are never sincere. If you believe a player is being sincere, you are actively being played.

How do you know if a man is a player? He's usually too good to be true (i. e., at least some of his backyard stories are fake), he's extremely good at talking to women (he seems really charming), but he keeps sizable parts of his life private.

A player will often be "fishing" for multiple women while he already has a couple on the hook and a couple of others who are fully caught already. He may not give consistent effort to the ones being fished because they come and go and he needs to limit his investment until he has them on the hook. And he will use whichever tactics he has available that he suspects will work on a specific woman to get her to bite. Remember, he'll be good with women because he has a lot of experience, so he will have a handful of categories that most women will fall into, and he'll know what methods and behavior are likely to work on her depending on the category she falls under.

It's much the same as a financial fraud artist - he'll be able to quickly tell who is likely to believe him and which approach to use based on what they respond to.

[DishLady]

We'll talk more about this, bc there are logistical things I would think impossible unless the guy is also a complete lunatic. DM?

[madhatters4]

is a player ever being sineere in any scope other than being a player?

if you know the person is a player, you should know that their end game is a physical relationship and little else

[DishLady]

Would a player put effort into one person for a long period of time?

[madhatters4]

likely only to get them to bed... you know achieve the sexual objective OR they'll put long term effort into a person but likely have other people on their roster.

[DishLady]

I think the second one sounds familiar. Thanks. :)

[HollyK21]

I agree with Whitney in the sense that players are very rarely ever sincere, but having that in mind, I wouldn’t even give them a chance to begin with. A player gains that title because they’ve notoriously lived up to it, and part of that comes with both manipulation and knowing what to say to a woman. I don’t feel like I’d be able to trust their intentions because I’d always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’d also have a hard time believing their words, since they’ve had however long to become good at saying what women want to hear.

[DishLady]

What if they're awkward around you but not around other gals? Is it all part of the game/play?

[HollyK21]

I don’t think that makes a difference tbh. Sort of like when you’re dealing with a guy who seems very nice, shy, etc., it’s important to remember that “nice” guy doesn’t always equate to “good” guy. So in this case, I don’t think awkward equates to changed, or having a specific feeling about you vs others. On top of that, you’re really only privy to what you see, and you can’t see what he’s doing all the time. So while feeling as though he’s specifically awkward around only you, you aren’t seeing his interactions with every other woman so it’s hard to make that assertion. I also think “knowing” someone plays a hand, because he may not even be necessarily awkward, but isn’t great at carrying on with certain people, while with others conversation May flow more freely. It’s like someone suggested that you don’t like them because they always see your face screwed up, when in reality you’ve just got RBF lol.

[DishLady]

That's true. Thanks. :)

[MontBlanc]

You don’t tell by what he says.
You tell by what stays consistent when there’s no reward.

A player can perform sincerity for a moment.
What he can’t fake long term is consistency, patience, and respect for boundaries.

If the effort only shows up when it benefits him, that’s not sincerity , that’s strategy.

[DishLady]

I love this. Thank you.

[Cyfris]

So there are two mating strategies. Pair bonding (love birds) and sexual dimorphism (peacock). When a man can mate with many females beacuse he has the best tail feather he prolly always gonna flash that tail. That doesn't mean he can't be sincere to someone on his level. If you both tens and he says I like you more then any of them other bitches and you are in fact better then all them other bitches it could be sincere.. just don't stop being better then them other bitches...

[DishLady]

All I know is that there was “something there” half the time but then it would switch off… then he’d come back with a big gesture… till I got fed up. I told him… you’re either with me or you’re not, I can either trust you or I can’t… and I had to walk away. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[DishLady]

(Also I’d never call anyone a 10 bc that’s obnoxious in my opinion. But both solid 8 for our age group, which is good enough.)

[Cyfris]

yeah the altimatum is where you lost that battle. If he was sincere you'd drive him away with that pressure surely. Men respond very poorly in those situations. Your best bet is in the future be clear on where you stand before you lay with someone.

[OlderAndWiser]

Tell him you don’t believe in having sex with a partner unless you are engaged and watch to see how quickly he exits.

[DishLady]

Lol. I don't think that's ever stopped him before.

[WhitneySnow]

Players are very rarely sincere. If you really like him, keep him on the look with nothing sexual beyond kissing for several months. Players will lose interest long before then.

[midnightcavern01]

Thats a no brainer. If theyre still known as a player. Run. you're a mark on the bedpost

[DishLady]

"Mark on the bedpost"? 😂😂😂 I love it. I'm gonna borrow that one. We used to say "notch on his belt" in my time.

[midnightcavern01]

😂I heard that one too

[Spencer10]

I do not think you can... his actions will have to do the speaking. .

[DishLady]

Hmm. I don't know if even his actions can be trusted.

[Spencer10]

Well I still believe that people can change... but with a player you have to be very alert.

[236color]

I don't know, but Stsvie Nick's who had a famously unfaithful partner Lindsey Buckingham, wrote a line in a song. " players only love you when they're playing."

[exitseven]

there probably is no way you can tell. A successful player can fake the whole thing. Either you cut your losses of else follow the current path until you find out one way or the other.

[MicahRaine]

Some people do change. It's all a question of whether the hurt is worth the possibility of a good outcome.

[worldscolide]

Honest to God, no idea. I'm not that kind of guy, I've always see that kind of man as a predator.

[Cidknee]

You can't. That's why they are called playa's.

[DishLady]

Lol.

[Staximus]

They to that yoyo bullshit.