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One guy, he always drives ma and my classmate home. But he never showed much interest in me. But sometimes he was sweet, we had “networking night” at uni. And he decided to stay for pizza and I always wanted to stay. I asked him to wait me to drive home, and he eat pizza and went upstairs and waited me till networking night ended.
He always sit near me in one class.
But there was situation, when I slept with one guy from uni. We have same classes with him sometimes. And I told about it to my friend. And in class she came near me and said “you didn’t do anything wrong, he’s a bad person”. And he heard it, and suddenly became more distanced? Or it just seems that way? He stopped sit near on one class, but they removed table from corner he usually sit. And actually that’s it😭 now I’m thinking maybe I’m overthinking and he never was interested in me and that conversation in class with friend didn’t change anything?
Well he still drives us home, but he’s just a good guy and can’t say no.
And because in our class new boy students appeared he probably doesn’t need my company anymore and mostly talk with them. Yeah, probably I overthink and he just switched to boys group as his main friends lmfao😭
He always sit near me in one class.
But there was situation, when I slept with one guy from uni. We have same classes with him sometimes. And I told about it to my friend. And in class she came near me and said “you didn’t do anything wrong, he’s a bad person”. And he heard it, and suddenly became more distanced? Or it just seems that way? He stopped sit near on one class, but they removed table from corner he usually sit. And actually that’s it😭 now I’m thinking maybe I’m overthinking and he never was interested in me and that conversation in class with friend didn’t change anything?
Well he still drives us home, but he’s just a good guy and can’t say no.
And because in our class new boy students appeared he probably doesn’t need my company anymore and mostly talk with them. Yeah, probably I overthink and he just switched to boys group as his main friends lmfao😭
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
If you really wanna know, and if you genuinely consider him a friend then you should be able to have a conversation with him about this. Friends should be able to ask each other anything, even when the topic is uncomfortable and regardless of your sex. Only he could tell you how he’s feeling, and if how he feels affects your friendship.
Now, I don’t think we’re close. I offered him to do group project together and he said that he will think, but immediately said yes when other guys offered and not offered to be part of it. I am sure he’s just nice that’s why he drives us home. But don’t think he wants to be friends or something. I feel like I mostly been delusional. He doesn’t think I’m cool and we actually don’t talk much in class
In all honesty, it sounds like you and your friend take advantage of his kindness by always having him drive you home. I have a member of my family who is like that, just such a good, nice guy, he always helps when he can and is just good hearted. But because of that, he’s been taken advantage of by women, whether it’s money, or even rides here and there. He has a really hard time saying no, and it sounds like this guy friend of yours is the same. It sounds like he is trying to show his disinterest in driving you guys by pulling away, but it’s like you two ignore the hints because you like getting a ride home. You probably would rather not walk, take the bus, train, or whatever your main mode of transportation is.
I feel like I may have spoken with you before when you had just moved in, and this guy is like a roommate of sorts, so if that’s you then I don't know, maybe you feel like it’s ok because you’re going in the same place. If you weren’t who I spoke with before, I still would say that this is how you rationalize this constant favor, because wherever you get dropped off isn’t far, or maybe in the same direction of where he lives. But to rely on him to do this all the time, and aside from that you aren’t close friends with him, then it’s just purely you and her taking advantage. Since he’s a nice guy, if you were to ask him about this he would likely cover it up and say “its no big deal, it’s fine”, because he doesn’t want confrontation and he doesn’t wanna hurt your feelings. So instead of putting him in a position to basically be forced to say yes, just take the hint. He would probably like to leave school and not have the additional stop that comes with dropping you off. It costs gas, time, wear and tear on his car. It’s an imposition. I don’t say this to make you feel bad — I’m sure that’s not what you are trying to do. I’m just telling you what it looks like, and hoping you will either stop asking or ask less.
Is there another way for you to get home?
Actually no, I don’t have much options 😭
do u think I should ask him, did he changed because my convo with friend and did he ever liked me? But I don’t think he ever liked me and It can really weird
So if you didn’t have him and his car, how would you get home? I’m genuinely asking. There’s no way you just wouldn’t go to school, so what would you do?
No, I walk by myself when it’s not late. He drives us only two times a week after late classes
I don’t think he really wants to be committed to doing that every week hun. It was fine as a favor for a bit but now you guys put him on a schedule basically for those two days and that’s not cool. You feel like his convo with your friend is what changed everything but you can’t even confirm if he had feelings in the first place unless you ask him. You have stated that you are not close, and that you “are sure he’s just nice and that’s why he drives you home”. I just don’t know how you don’t feel guilty or like you and her aren’t taking advantage of his free time just because you don’t want to walk. It’s not fair to make that his problem.
Also, I’m not trying to hurt your feelings or make you feel bad whatsoever. I just think that since getting driven home is mutually beneficial for you and your female friend, you don’t tell each other it’s a problem. Plus she has the nerve to call him a bad guy when he does this huge favor for you both twice a week.
**this convo with your friend.
What? My friend didn’t call him bad guy. We were talking about other guy. And guy who drives us home heard it. And the friend that talked with other person. He drives me and other classmate home, because it’s not safe. I think kinda worrying about his feelings too much cause you associate him with your relative
Let’s get a third opinion. @Abbycado when you have a moment, read the context of this post, then this conversation and let us know what you think.
Also, it has nothing whatsoever to do with my uncle. I used him as a reference point in saying that it’s messed up when women like yourself use men because they’re kind. If he weren’t driving you two home, it wouldn’t be any less safe, you’ve had to walk before and it’s the two of you. On top of that, it’s just not cool to impose yourselves upon him every week. You said yourself that she called him a bad guy, so maybe you needed to rephrase what you wrote in your original statement.
Okay, so I read through this. I think I am a little confused because of the way it was worded. Let me simplify this to see if I am right. Someone correct me if I am wrong.
Asker has a friend that drives her home.
Asker sleeps with DIFFERENT guy at university.
Asker and her girl friend are talking about the guy she slept with and that is when the "he is bad" comment was said.
Other guy (who drives asker home) overheard this and thought it was about him?
That part confused me, because it sounded as though the friend was calling the man who drives her home a bad guy, and I was like why would she do that? Your interpretation is much clearer.
I’m curious what you think about this whole ride home situation though mainly. From what I read, it sounds like she and her friend take advantage of the fact that this classmate drives them home twice a week, and don’t speak to him much outside of that. I feel fairly certain I spoke with her about this guy a while back, and was upset that he was leaving without her when she felt like he should wait. Now it sounds like she’s done or said whatever was necessary to create this arrangement, which to me sounds like an imposition on his time and resources. Aka his car, gas, and time.
We aren’t privy to knowing if he ever even had romantic interest in her in the first place to conclude that he was upset about her sleeping with someone else. However I could imagine someone getting tired of basically being assigned to dropping these women off, without offering to do so regularly. Here and there is understandable, but every week? I just think that’s a lot.
I agree. Both parties are sending a message with this arrangement and in my opinion not a great one. On the one hand, this guy that drives them home seems like a nice guy for doing so. That is also going to be the reason that he will likely never refuse or say anything even if it annoys him. He is a nice guy. He will just get resentful and the friendship is going down the drain.
The other side is that I would never want to be dependent on someone that could upend my world on any given day, maybe not even on purpose. What if dude gets the flu? Ya not going to school then? That's best case. Worse case is that you fall out, he moves, etc etc and then asker is stuck because you were dependent on one solution.
Thank you! That’s basically what I was trying to tell her as well — this sounds like a really nice guy, she acknowledged as much in her post, and because of these he most likely won’t decline these ride offers. In my opinion, he’s trying to relay this but she and her friend are blatantly ignoring the message. As you said, what would happen if he didn’t come to school that day? What happens if he switches classes, semester ends, or anything like that? It’s just a bit much. Of course occasional drop offs are fine to ask, but twice a week every week? I hope she gets the hints he’s dropping and slows that down.
And the thing is, speaking from the view of someone that started school two years ago, I was completely prepared to know what I was up against when choosing a school.
When the asker started at this school, she did not think to herself "Oh, there will be a really nice guy I will meet that will drive me home every day". No, you had a plan to get back and forth. What was it? Why does it not work now?
That’s what I was trying to get to the bottom of when I was asking what other modes of transportation there are around her, because it’s hard to imagine that she chose this school with the knowledge that the only route she had would be the most unsafe — aka walking. It’s hard to believe her friend chose that as well. Which to me says that the available modes are the ones they simply don’t want to invest in, like the bus, a ride share (which they can now share an account for but that’s neither here nor there), train, something. But why is it ok to waste his gas, which costs money, and impose themselves upon him after school time?
I feel certain that having this guy drive them every week is more for their convenience. They bounce this sense of reassurance off of each other, telling each other it’s ok because he never says no, but it’s decidedly because he’s too nice to say no.
No, the guy that drives me home, I like him. But he became distanced when he heard that me and my friend were talking about other guy. He drives home not her, he drives home me and other my classmate.
And I’m confused because of it. I’m not sure if he even liked me
I have a very clear question:
What was your plan for getting home from school before this guy started taking you home?
Why you so pressed by the fact that he drives us home😭 I have totally different question
Why aren’t YOU pressed? You admitted more than once that you understand he ONLY does this because he’s a nice guy, so are you really this self centered? My god you completely lack social awareness.
Just taking advantage of people for your own benefit and not giving a fuck about their opinion or their time. I’ve been nice, but the fact you act so oblivious and don’t care that you’re totally using this guy is utterly absurd. Do better as a person.
That would do it. If a guy who likes you finds out you hooked up with another guy, he might lose interest.
But she didn’t say openly that it was „hook up“ just mentioned that he‘s bad person
He got the gist. And he was right.
You're likely overthinking. People's social energy fluctuates; it's rarely a reflection of you.