Why do men hide their pain?

[worldscolide]

I'm sure there are a lot of answers to this.

While I never hide my pain fromy wife, in the past, prior to meeting her I did hide it from everyone. The reason I don't hide it from her is she saw me at my lowest. In March of 2023 I almost died, and I spent a week in the ICU due to my wisdom teeth going septic. If she refuses to leave my side seeing me like that, then I have nothing to fear.

Prior to that I hid my pain from anyone I was dating, because more often than not, my pain was used against me during arguments. I hid it from my mom because she would call me worthless, or say that I'm not a man. I hid it from my friends because of how my mom raised me, if I show my pain I'm less than a man, and I don't want my friends to see me as less of a man.

But as I said before I don't hide it any more. I think it not only drastically increased my stress levels, it caused physical problems too.

How bout you, why do you hide your pain?

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Personally, I've had not the roughest, but a pretty rough life. And I don't really know how to express that kind of stuff irl. Some people straight up don't believe it so they probably see it as performative.

Some people become insecure and treat it like suffering is a competition which as much as I can understand where that's coming from, I'm not going to play that game with anyone. Doesn't help either of us.

And I think there's a lot of other reactions but they fall into either disbelief or insecurity. I don't want to wallow in my pain, I want to grow past it so I've been trying to include people in my day to day life more. And hopefully that will be enough to feel seen. I'm not gonna lie it's a hard adjustment to make but it's been paying off.

[sirderpsalot123]

The main reason is that I know most people don't care or will use eventually use it as a weapon against me.

I could talk to my girlfriend, but I just don't look to her to take care of me in that way. I'll open up a little bit to my close friends when something is really bothering me, but I don't make it a habit.

[sage2021]

Because they were taught to be tough and never show your emotions and don't ever cry!

When you are programmed to have to stay within those rules, of course a guy isn't going to show his pain. It goes against their grain.

I believe that boys and men should just be honest and out in the open with their feelings just as long as it's not hurting anyone else.

[worldscolide]

I would agree with that, on that same token though experience tells us to hide it as well, when the opposite sex likes to use it against us, and the same sex bullies us for it.

[sage2021]

@worldscolide

You're absolutely right about them using what you shared with them in confidence and then they turn it around and use it as ammunition!
That very thing just happened to me on here two weeks ago and again the other day.
He was a real nut job! 🤪

[sage2021]

Thank you for the MHO 🙂🧡

[midnightmoon05]

It all depends how that boy was raised.
most were not raised… meaning no support in the emotional sense…. same goes with girls… girls receive more emotional support from moms or sisters or other girly friends.

that boy growing up will too not get emotional support from other boys… guys… men…

so the next safe person will be the woman who

[worldscolide]

It's not just how we were raised. It's also via actions of others.

Besides my wife, virtually every other woman I have ever come across has used my pain against me in some way. Women are very good at weaponizing pain especially when it's a man who is in pain.

Men do this also, but it's not emotional pain they inflict, it's physical pain. But I know far fewer men who bullied me for it than I know women who used my pain as emotional abuse.

What I'm saying is it's not just in how we were raised. It's how others treat men who don't hide their pain. You can disagree with this but I know hundreds of men with the same experiences I have had.

[midnightmoon05]

Certainly… you asked a very good question…
I didn’t finish my thoughts…

I will continue tomorrow… just got off flight…

[worldscolide]

You got off of a flight? Nice! Um Hope it was for pleasure and not business. Everyone deserves a vacation.

[midnightmoon05]

We went to Vegas/Grand Canyon spring break. Our kids are 16 and 18. We want to make sure they have life experiences.
So...
as we get older... we become independent and seek out people who are familiar...
As a young man, he might attach himself to someone like his mom... may not be good. Same goes with the young woman. until they learn to break free of the pattern.
The man in this case, will/can only open up to emotional safety... most men won't unless that woman is safe.
Most man will only open up to their mom or their wife. We hope the mom who raised him was kind and loving. it was like that traditionally... kind moms and disciplairy fathers raise their boys to be men. Then it continues.

[worldscolide]

Makes sense actually. I only opened up to my wife. My mom was evil and basically taught me that she valued fucking multiple men and meth over me. It's why I haven't spoken to her since I was 16. Every other person I opened up to, if they were female, used it against me, I'd they were male, saw it as weakness. So I just stopped until I met my wife.

[midnightmoon05]

exactly!! you broke the pattern when you met your wife.
so many don't and they continue the pattern of abuse. I am sad that so many, including you who had to go through life like that with a mom whom is supposed to be loving and caring and kind.

Your mom... must have gone through some f-up mess at a young age. I hope she gets help and finds peace.

I also hope you and your wife build a good family :)

[nolabels]

I don't hide my pain.

I spent my childhood, teenage years, and early adulthood hiding my pain.
Once I understood that by no longer hiding it, I could be much freer, that was pretty much the end of my hiding pain.

[Pointlesslife82]

I think its because men have been taught that showing pain is to show weakness. This isn't just a societal thing, this has happened since the beginning of time. Its unfortunate but true.

[Anonymous]

I should admit that I approach men who talk too much about his pain with compassion, not love. I don't prefer that.

[worldscolide]

Nothing wrong with that.

[RavVid]

For about the reasons you gave.

[Jeff51]

Cause we're men.

[Agape93]

Not sure