Why did he change?

[Anonymous]

How do you accept rejection? I take rejection hard and I feel very insecure about myself… never being chosen.. I had a nice guy come to my job and he was very nice and just always noticed me… I became attracted to him because he noticed me and was kind.. I had told a couple coworkers about him and we have a new coworker that is very nice and bubbly and I was telling her about him and she had talked to him and introduced her and me to him and kind of just tried to open up an opportunity to talk.. he said he saw me around and already knew me… but I felt a bit insecure because I felt he would probably be attracted to her because she’s more outgoing.. and I had been seeing him for a couple months at the place on his laptop.

But that same coworker said she had saw him yesterday and she said he greeted her.. I noticed the next day that he didn’t really greet me in his usual way is was very emotionless.. so I said maybe he’s in a rush… then today I see him and he wasn’t smiling nor did he wave or anything at me…

It stung… I told my coworker that and she said “ I saw him in my side view and he didn’t speak to me either “ and I said oh you were expecting him to talk to you…

I feel like she may have told him something or that I liked him possibly…

It just hurts… I’m 29.. never had a man choose me and I really wanted to shoot my shot.. but I’ll be leaving the job soon so she can talk to him…

[Anonymous]

Ask him. Or spend the rest of your life wondering. And you'll derlserve it. Because if you're too 🐔💩 to even do that. Then you don't deserve to know. You're just asking him what's wrong. You're not asking him to marry you. And assuming you're right, which you're probably not. And she did say you liked him. You can always deny it. But i would own it. You know how many women have rejected me? Countless! Does it feel good? F*** no! But it doesn't change what i'm worth. I know there are a lot of women out there that simply don't know when they're looking at a worthwhile man is all. You need to learn to tale the same attitude.

[Asker]

Yeah I’ll own up to it… I just think she said something or he probably is starting to like her.

[Anonymous]

maybe it just me but maybe you’re your own problem. Sounds like you’re looking into things too much. A lot of women tend to do that. He said hi, he held the door open for me, he waved at me. Does that mean he likes me?
Im actually going to say it had to do w you as far as things being like this. You’re almost 30, it can’t be every single man that there’s something wrong w them. The common denominator store is you. Did you have issues growing up as a kid?

[Asker]

No it’s just that men will show attraction then end up finding someone they think is better

[HollyK21]

I don’t think it’s wise to travel back to that situation Chels. It’s just another source of hurt and you only do this when you finally start feeling less depressed. You self sabotage constantly by going back to these hurtful situations. When it’s not that teacher it’s the waiter, when it’s not the waiter it’s the camp counselor. It just isn’t good for you. Cuss me out if you want but I’m just telling you the truth.

[Asker]

This just happened today Holly god!

[HollyK21]

I don’t know, in the past you have made these posts as if they had just happened. People who don’t know better wouldn’t know. Mind you Chels, I’ve known you since you were 26. I’m familiar enough.

[HollyK21]

I’m not giving you a hard time babe I’m just saying it’s never good once you start doing this. It’s like you start feeling a bit better then it makes you feel weird or something and you have to trigger your pain all over again. It’s self destructive.

[Asker]

I’m talking about a man at my job I’m at now I’ve just started telling this story

[HollyK21]

Okay. Well, if this is a new situation, my biggest advice to you is to try not taking these things personally Chels. That’s your biggest problem, you take these instances that shouldn’t be hurtful or offensive, and turn them into another source of pain. Like this doesn’t have to be a problem babe. You’re taking it the wrong way.

[Asker]

So you wouldn’t feel hurt if someone you were attracted to started being cold towards you? Out of no where?

[HollyK21]

I just feel like you hone in on certain aspects of male attention, and then feel upset when you stop getting it. Reading this I just felt like he was being cool with you, comfortable with you because he’s seeing you regularly. If he isn’t doing that on another day, you shouldn’t take it so personally because you don’t know what’s going on in his life behind the scenes. I have certainly had my times of being more active with my coworkers on certain days than others, and it’s nothing against them. I wish you didn’t invest so much into your coworkers.

[Asker]

He’s not a coworker he’s a guy I developed an attraction for over time.. he comes to visit his mom a few days out the week and he was just very nice

[HollyK21]

Please don’t take his actions and apply it to yourself Chels. You have to consider what he’s got going on in his personal life, and if it could contribute to how he acts on his day to day. I’d also really advise to work on not gaining attraction to a guy just because he gives you attention, because any guy can do that and it doesn’t mean he’s well intended. At least get to a place where you’re romantically involved before judging his actions at that capacity. Because if you keep looking at things like this, I fear you will constantly be getting hurt and you just don’t need that. You’re trying to heal.

[HollyK21]

I’m really big on leaving your issues at the door, whether it’s work or home. But some people can’t compartmentalize, and if he’s got personal stuff going on it makes sense that he’s acting different. But I’m pretty much saying don’t feed too much into times where you aren’t getting attention because I feel like that’s you having created an expectation. When there shouldn’t be any in place.

[Asker]

I’d rather beat Bonnie blues record and suck off 1000 men than to fall in love with one

I think my coworker tried to sabotage it by telling him

[HollyK21]

That’s what you say, yet you’re always putting yourself in a position to fall in love. If that were really your perspective, these things wouldn’t matter. Like years ago when I had my time of feeling that way, I was really standing on that. I didn’t want any man, not their attention or conversation I didn’t want Jack shit. You on the other hand, are putting yourself in a place to be pretty much heartbroken over not getting a man’s attention, and that is not the energy of a woman who’d rather suck 1000 men off before loving them. Yeah, pleasure them all but don’t love them! That’s 304 behavior lol just saying.

[Asker]

Duh Holly that’s the point!

I don’t know how to do the work but I think I’m ready

[HollyK21]

Well if you’re ready to do the work then you’ve gotta go back to therapy, first and foremost. Have you found someone new that you like?

[Asker]

No because I feel like a lot of them aren’t helpful or know what they’re doing

I feel like I have a narcissistic mother and a passive father. I don’t feel heard

[Anonymous]

The vast majority of the time I can move on. I've only been haunted by one ghost from my past.

[Abbycado]

You have to accept it as part of life

[wkhan_87]

Be strong, life is never as we want