Will I ever find a girl?

[Ineedyourhelp]

I am a 17 year old guy and I'm a senior in high school. I've never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl. I go to a really small school and church with a VERY limited selection of girls. None of which I like in that way. To make things worse I a pretty shy(I hate this about myself) and I have pretty high standards. I want a girl to be about a 7/10 looks wise(I'm not shallow this is just my ideal/dream girl I guess) , and also to be pretty, cute, funny, smart(not like a genius but you know), believes in what I believe, and loves me for me. I really don't know a lot about girls either. I can't read "signals" well, and I'm inexperienced at flirting. What can I do?

[bobair]

You're young so you've got tonnes of potential. So that's good!

But, you're confused about a few things, from what you've said above. Here's how:

1) You said you're not superficial, but you're only looking for physically hot girls. I hate to break this to you, but that's what superficial means. It's not WRONG to like hot girls, it's just ignorant to think that's all that there is. Attraction isn't about her looks, it's about how you FEEL when you're with her... which comes from her PERSONALITY more than how she looks.

When you get to my age (I'm ancient) you eventually realize that having a "HOT" girlfriend is just a desperate attempt to have everyone's approval. Think about it. Do you imagine in your head that having a hot girlfriend will make you feel safe and loved? OR do you imagine having a hot girlfriend will make your friends jealous and envious?

Trust me, her physical appearance has nothing to do with how she treats you, and has everything to do with how enslaved you are to getting everyone's approval.

Don't be that guy who's stuck needing everyone to like him and so he spends his life chasing money and women so that he can eventually have the respect of his friends. It doesn't work and it's not worth it.

2) It's okay to be shy, especially at your age. Growing up in a small town isn't' going to help with this because small towns are infected with social pressure... you can't blend in so you you're forced to follow the social rules of those around you. Until you grow up and escape of course.

But saying something like "I hate myself for that" is pretty much the worst thing you could ever have said. Being shy is an emotion that indicates vulnerability and fear. And hating yourself for that is the most harmful thing you could be doing to yourself.

Trust me here... being vulnerable and open is what makes other people like being around us. So if you try to beat yourself up for being shy then you're NEVER going to grow and mature... being confident and social comes from loving yourself for being yourself.

It's not WEAK or LAME to be shy. It takes courage and self confidence to be open and vulnerable around people, so learn to love that part of yourself.

Over coming shyness comes from baby steps... tiny steps where you allow yourself to interact with new people each week in order to climatize to it. It takes these tiny weekly experiences to realize that nothing bad is going to happen when you meet new people. Nothing bad happens when others don't like you.

But good things DO happen when you're willing to leave your tiny safe zone in order to venture out and meet new people... new women.

The first step is knowledge... about women and dating and self confidence and seduction. There are a tonne of books on understanding women and attraction.

Read and learn as much as possible! It's worth it.

~ Robby

My Blog ( link

[GreenHL]

Simple answer: You sound like a nice and smart guy, so yes.. Ofc you will find a girl :-) You are 17 years old so you still got a lot to do with your life. One day she will just be there in front of you.

[Anonymous]

I totally understand you. I also live in a small town and nobody seems to fit my criteria. At first I thought that everyone is a douche but then I realized that I just have high standards. I don't think those standards would ever change but you could still define the priority of the things you would like her to be and then when you do meet somebody don't expect her to fill every single thing on your checklist just the important things. I also realized that I'd rather he was smart and funny than cute ( I still want him to have decent looks but it's not that important...let's if I'm choosing between a guy that is cuter than the other one but not as funny and smart as the other, I'd choose the second one). So I suggest you do the same thing. And about not knowing how to flirt try using the internet and just talk to somebody and flirt, it's easier to be done when it's not face to face. The shyness would probably go away when you're comfortable enough around some girl. You just need somebody to boost your confidence which could be done easily by the internet :) (I found a guy on Omegle which had the same interests as me, so we added each other on Facebook and now we chat all the time. It really influenced me and my self esteem)

[suzyy]

Don't try to look for love because love will eventually come to you. Just be patient and wait. I really don't think you should be worrying about this.

[visual]

You've got a world of girls to look forward to unless you plan on living there your whole life.

[Anonymous]

I got my first boyfriend at the end of my senior year, along with my first kiss. You'll find someone, you still have your whole life ahead of you to find someone, or for someone to find you.

[MaryLane]

Maybe you can help me with my question... he lives grew up in a really small town too... you sound something like him.. and yes you'll find her :)