Why are people afraid of me?

[Anonymous]

I just moved to a new city and noticed it is very hard to make friends in my new neighborhood. People don't seem to want to make eye contact with me or they go out of their way to avoid me in public. Women reach for their purses whenever I pass by them in stores. If I am walking on the sidewalk everyone I approach gets out of my way like I have the ebola virus (and I wear cologne). Men stare me down like I'm going to rape their women. I'm a skinny guy and only 5'8" so I can't be that intimidating. If I smile or nod at someone to acknowledge their presence they usually just ignore me. Only very rarely will someone return a smile, and it's usually only the old gentlemen with a walking cane. What is it about my appearance or mannerisms that scares people away? I've been told by many women in my life that I am handsome, "cute", etc so it can't be my looks can it? Why are white people here so afraid of us latinos? What can I do to show other people I am not a threat?

[Anonymous]

there is a possiblity its all in your head. your self concious and it comes off ...also the girls reaching in there purses. that could be that the problem is they DO think you are cute but way to shy to say anything let alone look up ..im guitly and I know a lot of my friends do this too..we hate it but we are to shy lol. just smile and say hi cause half the time we are thinking ok is he looking at me or is there a pretty girl behind me or is his friend right there I don't want to look like an idiot lol...(trust me that's totally what goes through our minds) the worst is crossing the street waiting for the light and you know there is a cute guy on the other side and he looks at you so your walking and you don't know what to do cause its so akward lol. so I always reach for something in my purse so friendly but it acts like a confort blanket.. :) I hope I helped (sorry pretty long haha) good luck... trust me I think a lot of it is definitely in your head! :)

[ALWAYSclassy]

Because ignorant people who don't know any better have preconcieved notions of minorities. That happened to me when I went to the store, this girl kept staring me down like I was going to steal and actually didn't see the gang of teenaged girls who DID steal lol. Honestly I wouldn't worry about trying to please people like that. You live in that neighborhood too and they are the ones being prejudiced and unfriendly. I would ignore them. No matter what you do they are still going to think you are not good enough or don't belong because you're not white so trying to change how you dress would just be a waste of time.

[xxangel1990xx]

wow you actually sound hot lol. anyway, maybe the way you dress? Over here, people are intimidated by guys that wear hoodies and sweats etc. Maybe they've had bad experiences before so they're being more wary.

[ivarei]

where have you moved to? it's a stereotype that people have, latinos and blacks are often portrayed a certain way and ignorant people who were not exposed to culture believe it.

[Asker]

This is a suburb in Chicagoland area. it's very upper-class, mostly young professionals (yuppies) and retired folks. Honestly I think I'm going to hate this place because I'm already being stereotyped and I made my best effort to show I am friendly and courteous to others. Someone said there is a bias against people with hoodies, well I wear one because it's still cold here. Hell, most people here still wear hoodies but no one treats them like a criminal because they're white. This isn't fair.

[ivarei]

I'm sorry, there's not much you can do except keep being a good person. it'll be tough, and I can't pretend to know what it's like because I grew up in a wealthy white suburb as a white girl.

if you dress in a way that people find threatening, try changing your wardrobe a bit, (but don't change yourself as a person obviously) instead of wearing a hoodie, go out and buy a peacoat and wear some collared shirts.

[Little-Hippie]

You're going to have to change the way you dress and walk.

Believe it or not, I used to scare the hell out of people everywhere I went.

Seriously, look at me. I think I'm harmless-looking, but a lot of people were freaked out and security would stop me in stores a lot..

Dress and act like you're richer than everyone in that town.

Seriously, dress like a total snob.

And due to the extreme pitch of their condescending perspective, they'll view you as level with them, but only when you appear to be far too rich to want to steal their purses.

[Asker]

I am not rich but I guess I can put on some of my mom's jewelry. lol I will take your advice though and start wearing slacks and nice polos when it gets warmer. This is going to be a big change in my fashion sense since I've always dressed casual (usually jeans & t-shirt) but I'm tired of getting cold stares from strangers, so if I make just 1 new friend this way it's worth it. I just wish people wouldn't make snap judgments all the time from some minority wearing baggy clothes.

[Little-Hippie]

Yea, like it sucks that you can't throw on casual clothes just like everyone else and just chill, but it's just one of those things.

And a few button-up shirts and some nice slacks won't hurt. And if you shop at JCpenny, they're honestly not that expensive. Dress shirts are like 7 dollars.

Try to stray from heavy jewelry though. People sometimes associate that with rappers and they'll think you stole it or something.

You don't have to be rich. I'm not. But just appear well off.

[Mosachu]

might be the way you dress or walk. body language and clothing are the first things people notice

[LilMissSunshine]

Oh just ignore them. You are who you are..If people can't deal with the fact that you're latino then they're just narrow minded. Seriously, Just live life like you've always had. Make friends with good people and that way others will learn to accept you

[katiegal]

1-u have a rich imagination

2-they are fu*in snobs

3-somebody made a bad rumor about ya

[SemiShy]

He said it was a new city so #3 is out the window. Maybe your #1 works, he might just be feeling bad for himself?

[katiegal]

Nah there are old ladies in new neighbourhoods and bored teenagers who have nutn else to do than creating rumors lol.So it actually CAN happen,i'm not saying in this case,but in general it's not impossible.