How do you quickly spot a shallow guy? A player? Are they the same?

[Anonymous]

Are they easy to pick out? Any tell-tale signs of a shallow guy?

Met a new guy... can't tell if he's shallow or not. Sometimes he can be so nice and so sweet, but other times... it only seems like he wants sex. Every guy wants sex though, so... I don't know if he's shallow or what?

Are players and shallow guys the same? How do you weed them out?

[Anonymous]

Shallow guys are shallow. They are only looking for the prettiest, or best, and don't have much interest in your intellect, or your interests, hobbies, life or anything to do with you as a person. You can basically tell a shallow guy with just a little time, and discussion, but you gotta pay attention. Alas, there is no set telltale sign, though. You just gotta make a judgment call.

As for players. Yeah, a lot of them are shallow and into just your body, and ultimately they don't care, but they're more just interested in having sex, and running off, whereas a shallow guy who is JUST a shallow guy might hold onto you as some kind of trophy. So I think that's the main difference. Players would just discard you.

Here's the problem. Players try a little harder, even if it's not obvious. They know that people don't like players. (I'm sure you've heard the expression "player hater") They know people are looking to stop them. Looking for signs to expose them. So, the more seasoned the player, the more tricks the player has. A player can feign interests. A player can seem deep, or smart, because some of them actually ARE smart.

Bottom line on player detection is this. Players are always trying to make people think they're not players, so frankly there is no way to tell for sure if someone is a player. If there were telltale signs that show they weren't a player, players would fake it too, along with all the rest of their bullshit.

So, you want to find out if a guy is shallow? Be yourself. Even if you think it's not going to win you any prize, and make a judgment call. You want to find out if a guy is a player? I don't know. Test him on his knowledge of your interests, see if he's faking anything, but even then, you can't know for sure, so all you can do to weed out players is just wait. The longer you hold out on sex, the more likely a player will lose interest. Yes this can also lose non-players as well, but it at least shows how important sex is.

Does this make sense?

[Asker]

Thanks! I get the feeling he's more shallow than a player. This makes me think I just dated a shallow guy, shoot. He never asked questions. It was so annoying. My best guy friend say I was way out of his league... which was why he dated me for so long (ha, that's horrible). I can't tell with the guy I know now. We're going on a date next week. We've been friends for a month, but somewhere in that month he starting sexting me. We met once standing in line... so we haven't hung out at all!

[Asker]

(cont'd) We've just talked over txt. Everything started really normal. I called him a player for sexting me and he got REALLY offended... said he was just trying to keep things exciting/not stagnant before we went out. We've had normal, nice conversations since then, but he kinda freaked me out with the sexting. I worry he's shallow because all his photos are with model-like women. He's asked if I'm into fwb, but said he'd prefer a relationship. Also asked if I'm a virgin. So sweet... then odd. :/

[Opinion Owner]

Well he might not be shallow, or a player, but I don't think that this will work out. He seems a little all over the place. If he's either, he's more likely shallow. But I'm not sure. It sounds like he sucks at relationships in general. I don't see this getting better.

[Asker]

He's been cheated on by all the girls he dated... last night, he pretty much admitted he has extremely high standards for women he'll date. I was like, wouldn't you rather go for someone who's average that you can have a great conversation with then some really hot girl? he basically just said he'd prefer the whole package.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah that's pretty shallow.

[Asker]

maybe he is to be avoided.. even if he's into me?

[Opinion Owner]

I think that's your judgment call to make. Not mine. Sorry.

[Scoopie]

I know a lot of jerks who are the nicest sweethearts to their girlfriend. It just makes me sick.

You can find out by making conversation. Talk about a varied set of topics, and ask him for his opinion about things. Try to make it sophisticated and something that isn't a typical guy thing or something that doesn't fit into his direct interests. So it should be something relatively undiscovered for him. By his answer you can pretty much tell if he's shallow, just by the arguments he's using. If he for example has prejudices and a preconceived opinion, judges people a lot, then it's likely he's shallow.

You can also take note of the way he interacts with other people, find out what other people that know him and his friends have to say about him. His friends may say the best things about him, but other people that know him may not. The jerks I mentioned earlier all live a sort of double life in a way. They are jerks and treat people like sh*t in one life (which is their normal life) and in their other life (with their girlfriend and her friends) he's the sweetest guy around. Observing his friends will also tell you a lot about him. If they are mostly jerks as well, and shallow, then he's also likely just like them.

And yes, every guy would like sex at a certain point, but that alone doesn't make him shallow.

[Asker]

Hm yeah, I think this guy is shallow. He pretty much admitted last night that he has really high standards for looks. It was such an awkward conversation. I was like, wouldn't you rather date someone you were mildly attracted to that you could have a really good conversation with? and he was like well, maybe, but I'd prefer the whole package.

[sara1983512]

players play with your heart..they are not really into you but they pretend as they love you then you come to know they want you for their own benefit..sex or whatever...but shallow guys are not coming to you with pre planned plans..being shallow is part of their character...they are mostly not aware it that they are shallow...they may just like your looking but not your heart.but as they don't come to you with plans so mostlly they let you know that they are liking your sex or looking only ...so I think players are more dangerouse than shallow people...cause they can ruin your whole life by playing your heart your emotions..players know exactly what bad things they are doing..they are friendlly enemies...

[Asker]

ok. good distinction there. maybe this guy is more shallow than a player. I feel like he only goes for super model looking women... but I am entirely making a judgement based on his fb pictures ha

[Anonymous]

Shalllow guy I would say...wears and flaunts the big brand names (LV, etc.) has a expensive car..and talks about all his possessions all the time - thinking it will impress you.

Its card to spot a player. Some of them are the best actors. The best you can do is rely on their actions and not their words. Most of them are all talk!

[Asker]

thanks! I guess we'll see. I don't know about this guy.. maybe I should just let it go instead of even trying to figure things out.

[Opinion Owner]

if he takes you out on dates then that's a good sign. But if he takes you out and tries to get you to go to his house etc..then obviously you know what he wants. Just go with whatever happens but keep your guard up. Take note of the questions he asks you - is he really trying to get to know you as a person or is it all just small chit chat about nothing :-)

[Asker]

good point. random so far? :/

[Anonymous]

You can't

I met a guy that I thought was a nice guy and turned out to be a player

Sometimes you cloudy can't tell