What do I do when my girlfriend is depressed, confused, and needs her space.

I am 21 and have had a girlfriend of two years just break up with me because she needs her space. She is changing her major in school, her sister just miscarried, she lost her best friend from childhood, and she is depressed. She told me she needs her space. I told her I would respect her decision and back off. About a month ago we broke up and she figured some things out and ran back to me and cried saying she missed me. Then she remained depressed and it tore me apart to see her like that. I tried everything to make her happy. She was number one on my priorities, but then she came to me and we just broke up again. She says she needs more time. The day after she broke up with me, she came back for school related issues...we are involved in the same activities and she missed a meeting so I was going to fill her in...strictly professional and nothing more than a friend. I talked to her close friend and thought she was cheating on me, turns out she still loves me and broke up with me because she can't start to become happy with herself when every time she sees me she feels so horrible because she can see how bad it hurts me that I can't help her through this depression and low time in her life. She was hurt that I thought that she was cheating on me and said that she was in no way in a place to cheat on the one person that she loves. She is really confused and there is a lot of stuff happening in her life.

Should I do what I have been doing and respecting her space by not contacting her? or should I give her a week or two and then check in on her? I know she still loves me and the last thing she wants to do is add more drama to her life by cheating. Why can't I seem to understand why she can't do this "solving" of herself with me? I have talked to a lot of girls and they seem to all understand, but all the guys I talked to don't ... What is happening? Will she come back?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe you should ask those girls that seem to know what is up? It seems like they know what's going on, and to be completely honest, it's not a person over the internet that's going to solve this one for you.

    " [...] turns out she still loves me and broke up with me because she can't start to become happy with herself when every time she sees me she feels so horrible because she can see how bad it hurts me that I can't help her through this depression and low time in her life."

    Seems like you just pointed out your problem. I'd ask people in your entourage, since I imagine they'd have a better grasp of what's going on. Perhaps the problem was in how you tried to help her through her depression. Depression is not something to be taken lightly. You could even call it a mental disorder, that's what it is, basically. But don't panic. What people need during those times are good friends and some time for "light" depression. If it persists, going to a professional of psychology is usually recommended. I can't tell whether or not her depression is really bad or what, since I'm just some random guy over the net. The best thing you can do is to be the same person you were around her. Don't play doctor or try to be a superboyfriend.

    Did you try getting her to talk about her problems? Talking relieves. You're taking something that pains you out of your system, it's good. From what you tell, she loves you, so in turn that means she trusts you. So this shouldn't be a problem. Keeping in pain only makes it worse and worse over time. Like I said, you just need to be there for her, let her know that, but respect the limit. You even mentioned she is "really confused and a lot of stuff is happening on her life." These kinds of things tend to be overwhelming for a single person to handle by themselves.

    What I think the problem is right now is that she broke up with you because you were trying too hard and she didn't want you to "waste your time" with her "silly" problems. I wouldn't be surprised if that's what she was thinking. You have to respect her wanting to be alone, but always alone isn't going to solve anything if you ask me, and neither is always being there.

    So my advice would be to just let her know you're there, and that she can share with you. Give her the space she needs, don't suddenly invade her life by trying to always be there to help. Be how you always were around her.


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What Girls Said 4

  • I would just give her the space she asks for. Let her be the one to contact you. That's not to say you can't give her a hello or how are you? to let her know that you are still there and still care for her. Just don't be pushy or too needy. What you are doing sounds good. She's still being faithful and it seems like she's looking out for your best interest too. All you have to do is when she's ready be there for her.

  • It's probably something emotional. try talking to her friends to see what's up, but don't be like panicky about it or freaked out, remain calm.

    I would think it's not a bad thing to check back on her in 1 to 2 weeks, just make sure the 2 of you are emotionally stable.

    but bobbing wire pretty much said everything. good luck.

  • I think she'll come around. But just as much as she needs her space she needs a shoulder to cry on. I really feel like you just need her to know your there. That any time she's hurting you'll take her in your arms and just hold her. Sometimes that's all it takes. She really cares about you so don't think she's leaving you. She just doesn't want to hurt you. In times like these she needs to learn how to stand on her own two feet. But always be there for her. I think she needs condolence. She doesn't understand what's going on. She needs something more than just you. That sounds harsh but she needs. . . . something to believe in. A reason why this happened. It's not something you can give her and it's not something she can just find. She needs

  • It sounds like there is a chance your girlfriend as clinical depression. As someone who has done plenty of health study as well as has a lot of relatives who suffer from mental health issues all I can say is good luck! Depression can be really hard to deal with for both the person suffering and the love ones. Be understanding but know that you cannot "fix" this problem for her.


What Guys Said 2

  • Depression happens when things don't go the way you want them to be. From this perspective, anything can cause depression.

    The cure lies in understanding that if there is something you don't want to happen, happens, it is a "counter signal". It is showing you, in a reversed and hidden way, what you want in life. That's the "job" of "Mr/Miss Depression".

    Tell your girlfriend to "reverse the whole situation", and find the opposite picture. That should be dead easy. What is not that easy is to stay focus, through will-power, on what you want, intead of slowly drowning yourself by remaining in the "pool of depression".

    This is one major lesson in life for many people. When your girlfriend has this lesson mastered, she is spared of numerous future depressions. It is worth her every effort to learn this lesson well. My best wishes to you, and her.

  • Give her space... but be there for her.

    Don't pester her with your petty daily view of life but offer her a quick call once a week "Just checking in to see if you're smiling? OK? Good, gotta go now we'll chat next week." Keep it short on purpose.

    Let her see that you've backed off but are still willing to offer a shoulder should she desire one.

    And give her space. If she's asking for 'space' from you then it's not 'cheating' unless you've gotten married since you posted. Don't smother her, let her clear her head and just be a friend. Sometimes a friend is one who will leave you well enough alone for awhile.

    Good luck

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