Girlfriend Wants Break and Says She Needs Space and to Work On Herself?

Question

My girlfriend kept telling me she wants a break because she needs some space and needs to work on herself. She has a wild temper. Anyways, I asked her to define what a break means like can we date other people. She said, crying, I can date other people and she could date other people. She cried because she didn't know if she wanted to be with me but that she loved me. But she wants us to talk and hang out still. Will we get back together? What course of action should I do to win her back?

thetheme · Accepted Answer

Break = break up. Let me ask you this. Is she taking a break from her friends and family? Vacation from school or work? Putting life on hold? If you are the only one/situation that she is pushing aside then guess what? She doesn't want YOU in the picture as far as a relationship. She wants to go out and be with other guys without feeling a sense of "guilt". She wants to have fun with other people (guys) with no limitations. Her saying she needs "space" to work on herself or a "break" means you are a distraction while everything else isn't. How does that work?

She still wants to talk and hang out because she wants to control the situation and for you to help her "swim to shore" when she should be swimming by herself or drowning in her feelings. Most of the time when girls use these lines they don't contact you because they got off easy (it's what they do), and if they do it's to boost their emotional connection with you to make herself "whole", nothing more. You are a part of her life "puzzle" instead of being that guy that she is combined with. Puzzle = family, friends, work and/or school, finances, entertainment, fun, needs, wants, happiness, likes, loves.

If you are in the picture filling most of those categories "properly" then she wouldn't leave the relationship, period. Your happiness together, entertainment, fun, needs, wants, likes and loves would benefit relationship wise so much that she wouldn't even think of leaving it. When a girl is when a guy, she stays because there is a "equal trade of value" somewhere. Sure a relationship can have some space or time away, but that's not giving up the foundation of a relationship, and that's what she did.

There is nothing you can do here. Don't chase her, don't hang out with her, stop talking to her. By giving her the time that she wants it puts her on a pedestal, makes her whole, and she gets all her needs met WITHOUT being in a relationship with you. Make her work on herself without you in the picture at all. Start dating other girls. I didn't say find a girlfriend, just go on dates. You shouldn't wait in limbo to see what category she is going to put you in when she KNOWS what you want with her.

Move on. Being "friends" is NEVER the way to get someone back. The friendship ended when you got together. If you see her with another guy (and soon you probably will), don't say anything to her (or him) and just keep going. This is the type of thing that girls do so they won't feel "guilty" leaving you. Stay busy and have fun. You should never put your life on hold and wait for anyone. She burned that bridge, so why should you repair it and chase her while she's long gone? When a girl does this, 95% of the time she has moved on days/weeks before she told you. Trying to convince her won't do any good since the time you had with her before didn't do so. Move on.

dx021 · Accepted Answer

so she cares about you but doesn't feel anything for you anymore

congratulations, you just discovered that doting sycophantic romantic love kills the p****-tingles of the fairer sex

should prob come over to the dark side before its to late. just go bang other bitches and live your life, because u've already lost her and she's probably already cheating on you (her saying she needs time apart is her guilty mind wanting space to figure it out)

shimmer580 · Accepted Answer

I have been there myself as the one asking for a break and most recently the one being told that we were taking a break. You have to give her space. It's important to set up a length of time for the break where you will reunite and discuss what's next in your relationship. Otherwise, you will just be in limbo wondering where you stand. Also rules, which it sounds like you already did. If she says to see other people, you can. It might help you both to see if the grass really is greener on the other side. To be honest though, when I have asked to take a break, I usually am questioning if I want to be in the relationship anymore.

How you win her back- give her the space you agreed on (that's why an end date is so important) also, a break where you are still talking and hanging out doesn't sound like a break. More like a break up but keeping you close enough in case she changes her mind. You need to work on fixing the issues that brought you to this point. I'm sure if you think hard enough, you will be able to think of things that made you fight before. If not, then you will have to ask her yourself when you guys talk about the relationship because if you don't and get back together, you will end up with the same issues and break up for good...

Hope my insight helped a little :)

CestLolaVie · Accepted Answer

This sounds like a very unhealthy relationship. Give her her space and you do your own things in the meanwhile, you might meet someone you were happier with or better off with. She's not committed to you or your relationship with her, she seems lost and confused. She wouldn't be in that state if she sincerely wanted to peruse a healthy relationship with you. If she's okay with you going off and dating other people I'd say you do just that. Give yourself a break, she's doing you a favor and you should take it. She knows she can't make you happy as she isn't happy herself and is therefore choosing to take different paths and figuring things out for a while and I think that's the healthiest choice she's made. I'd say give her her time and if its meant to be it will happen and you'll eventually be back together when she's better. Don't wait on it at all just go out, meet other girls and see where things go for you. Don't hold on to her and let her go be. She had the courage to honestly tell you what she wanted and you should respect her wishes. Its for the best and it will truly show if you're happier together than apart or if you'd both be better off with other people. I think its a very healthy decision rather than her throwing tantrums at you and continue an unhappy relationship.

BirdofParadise · Accepted Answer

Unfortunately this comes off to me as more of a break up then a break since she said you can date other people and isn't sure if she wants to be with you. However, she clearly still wants you in her life so it may be possible to salvage the relationship. First off, she asked for space so give it to her. To me, space means not seeing the person and not having any communication with them at all so do that. By giving her what she asked for he will see that you respect her but by suddenly not knowing anything from you, all the space will start to make her feel uncomfortable and she will probably start calling/messaging you. If she calls you, tell her that you are respecting her need for space, and would like some in return so you can focus on yourself.

Aim to go at least a month without contacting her, and if she contacts you after you tell her you wanted space as well do your best to ignore it. Then after a month has gone by get back in touch. If she is eager to hear from you then you can discuss working things out... but if she doesn't seem bothered by not having contact with you then it might be time to move on.

-Darling · Answer

What do you mean she has a wild temper?

It sound to me like she was crying while saying that yes you can date other people, because she thought that's what you wanted to hear?There's not much you can do here I think, since it seems like she doesn't know what she wants. I guess you should do what she told you to, that you should stick around, but don't date other people, if she asks why tell her your still not over her, and shell take that as you still do want her back and its an invitation for her to consider getting back to with you if she wants, eventually. Too little info on this question, I have a hard time giving you any advice since I don't know anything else about you two, like for example how long you've been with her etc etc

desidoll · Answer

Asking for a break doesn't mean the end of a relationship.There are differences between break and break up.There are certain times that I don't feel like talking to my boyfriend and I want some space and time for myself.When she said both of you can date other people,that's the part that I don't understand.She sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and not really sure if you are the right guy for her.Since she said she still wants to hang out with you,i guess you can take this chance to be closer with her.Try to convince her how important she is in your life but after all,she is the one who gonna make the decision.

38rakia38 · Answer

It depends.

I mean, hell I have a wild temper and I lack many things--but I asked for a break once, realistically 6 months where he did his thing and I did mine and if in 6 months when we hung out--we jumped on each other like we always did--then we had to talk about everything.

Truthfully man, do you love her for everything she is and isn't? Try this "break" out, and if in 3 months you still have her as your desktop background and you think of her all the time and you want her back. Just say, "You know what, f*** this, I want you back."

Give her the space to work out her issues, you don't have to date anyone if you don't want to. And if she does, don't hold it against her. My ex did...

All I was doing was taking his advice, "You should find someone better than me".

martyfellow · Answer

She just wants her freedom.  I doubt she'll be back other  than as your friend.  Accept this, there's no force on earth that can change her mind.   Try being a friend, it's the only way, but I wouldn't bet you'll ever be anything else.

Anonymous · Answer

Don't go out with anyone else if you want her back. Keep talking to her and don't just let her go completely.

Anonymous · Answer

breaks=end of relationship. just my views on that kinda BS.

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