So yesterday my girlfriend, after being distant for a few days, told me that she felt like she needed space to deal with some emotional issues that she has not fully processed yet from some events that occurred before we met last year. She said that she has finally gotten some time alone these past few weeks and has been able to really think about things, and she realizes she has not moved past some of this stuff that she thought she had.
Basically, she started dating me two months after a bad breakup with a longtime boyfriend and another emotional incident with a friend. She thought she had given herself enough time, but months later she realizes that she has not. She says she feels like there is something missing inside of her right now, like she is empty emotionally, and needs to resolve that on her own before being ready for a healthy relationship, and that it would not be fair for either one of us to continue at this time.
So I asked her if she was breaking up with me, and she never really used those words, but she says she can't handle a relationship and needs to be alone. She also said that she didn't want to be the one to decide how much we should communicate, because she is the one who made this decision, so that decision should be mine. I said I still wanted to talk to her and see her from time to time, she said she would love that.
So we left it at that. I'm probably going to call her in a couple of days. I guess my question is: how exactly should I handle things? I want to give her enough space to work things out, but she also said she did want to see me still. I guess I'm not sure how much I should try to contact her. Any ideas?
Also, has anyone else (guys or girls) had a similar situation? If you gave the guy/girl space, did he/she end up coming back to you? I'm not too optimistic here, but I really am crazy about her and would love for things to eventually work out.
Most Helpful Guy
First of all let me say that she was mature enough to be honest with you and not lie about what is troubling her and that is a good sign. I'm in this same situation and I can't give you the best answer because I'm going through this myself. In my case it's been going on for three years, after dating my then girlfriend for nine months she also out of the blue with no warning told me that she needed space, she never used the words 'break-up' but I could tell it's what she wanted she was just trying to spare me the anguish. After that we agreed we still wanted each other in each others lives and decided to be friends a few weeks later she told me that she had been talking to her ex and wanted to give him another shot... lets just say I handled this part badly, when I heard that I flipped...
Two years and 4 months later we have been friends but not without incident, she knew that I always wanted to be more and that I couldn't just be friends, I tried really hard but the heart wants what it wants. Things never worked out with her ex (the ex was her first boyfriend and a douche bag) and because of this caused her to be more insecure about relationships including ours and made her doubt herself and us. We have dated on and off since but the truth is it never worked because she has all that emotional baggage she hasn't dealt with. She always gave me excuses as to why we wouldn't make it as a couple once she even listed all her expectations that she thought I would never be able to meet.
Today I sit here having proved her wrong I showed her that I'm the best guy for her and always will be and now she has run out of excuses but she's just not past her ex and until then we can't move forward. Her family loves me and consider me part of the family and they really want to see us married one day but it's all in vein if she can't realize what we have herself. Recently I've given her space and by that I mean I'm not seeing her I'm not messaging her, nothing, it seems harsh but its working. It's been hard but I figure it's for the best. I've decided to see other people just to take my mind off her and it's working, if I find a good girl I'll definitely peruse a relationship.
One word of advice if you going to do the friends thing make sure you see her on your own terms and don't let her make you her 'agony aunt' , don't be to readily and eagerly available , let her miss you because otherwise she will just see you a friend and down the line give you some b.s. that she doesn't want to ruin your friendship. Always let her know you a man and that you want her... just to it in subtle and gentle way. Do not and I repeat do not pressure her.
It sounds to me like she might want to get back with her ex and if so there isn't anything you can really do about it except act mature about it and show her that you not to bothered.
In your case I think you should see other people just so she can see how demand you are in.I wish someone could have told me that back then.2
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