Simple Things Make the Biggest Difference

[thebestbf]

Whether dealing with depression or any other issue it is normally the smallest and most simple gestures and acts that will make a difference to people. Although this may seem obvious I still find it an important enough topic to discuss. On top of that simple actions don’t just apply to people who are dealing with some issue of their own, it is also prominent for those who seemingly have a “perfect” life.

To begin I will start with my personal perspective, as I have stated in previous posts I am dealing with depression and am willing to own that. Again everything stated is either from my perspective or the perspective of people I interview and is in no way a guarantee for results.

For a large portion of the time when I am feeling more down and out than normal it isn’t something that I can explain. When I feel my worst and begin to seriously contemplate what life is and if it is worth it. I try and ask myself why I feel this way. Was there a certain event that set me off? Did someone say something that triggered a response for me either emotionally or mentally? On the rare occasion that I can pinpoint exactly what is bothering me to such an extent, I can logically go through a situation and manage my mind in such a way to pull me out of whatever I am feeling. Unfortunately, this is normally not the case. The majority of the time it is an unexplainable event that has changed my mindset to a negative one. This can be both incredibly frustrating and will often turn into a slippery slope of despair in which depression is blamed and self hated becomes more prominent. Moving towards what this post is more about, due to the nature of my personal battle with depression and how I view that battle, (see my first post) it is almost always the smallest of problems that set me off or calm me down. It doesn't matter how small or arbitrary an action might be it could potentially have a strong negative or positive effect on someone. Actions such as closing a door all the way or not adjusting the seat when driving a friends car. While it may not seem like such a huge deal it could be the fifth or even tenth small action to set someone on edge that day. Personally, I do not forget what happens throughout the day, especially if it is something that puts me on edge. Due to this, it could be the most minor incident in the world but if it is one hundred small incident to happen to me that day it is very possible that this final one can send me over the edge. On the other side of this is small actions that make a positive difference. Although this may seem redundant it is important enough to repeat; be nice to people. I’m not talking about being overly nice to everyone you ever meet, or to never give your friends a hard time. Both of those actions would be considered by me to be another form of pity, which in turn makes me feel worse and the end result is negative. To “be nice” is more of a loose guideline towards the steps you can take. Firstly, try not to escalate any situation that seems to be more emotional than logical. One of my problems is that when I start to feel more depressed I become much more emotional and often lash out at those around me. I understand that it can be extremely difficult to not push back and antagonize but that will only harm the situation. Secondly, don’t change the way you act normally. Changing the way you act can often be interpreted as another act of pity. Instead, you can try and be subtle about being “nicer”. To summarize my view it is quite possible to stay the exact same and have everything work itself out, but if you do notice that you’re starting to become more antagonistic make a mental note to reign yourself in. The problem may not be on the surface but it is still there.

For the second half of this post, all answers are coming from an anonymous third party, someone who I know on a personal level and someone who while having suffered from depression in the past are no longer working through that.

Q: What are some of the small actions or gestures that make you feel like a better person?

A: One of the most beneficial actions for me is when objects are returned to where they came from. Although it may not seem necessary, it demonstrates a certain level of respect towards me, which can often take a bad day into a better day. On a more personal basis, by keeping up with the work I have to do every day it can be relieving to find tasks already done. One example of this would be when I went to pay my monthly bills everything was already taken care of. Due to it being a task that I wasn’t looking forward to, having it already completed brought me happiness.

Q: What actions affect you in a negative way?

A: The only prominent action that I can think of is when I am being forced into an action that I either have done or thought I did enough of but more is demanded. For example, when dealing with insurance companies I initially send in everything they ask for but more often than not I am required to send in more and more information to get things sorted out. This can be frustrating and redundant in my opinion especially when I have already done everything they asked for and they keep asking for more.

Q: Is there a gradual buildup until your “breakpoint” or is it sudden?

A: In most cases, it is a gradual buildup that is usually during a loss of confidence. This loss of confidence can also lead to other issues. The other action that affects me in a negative way is when people are unnecessarily mean. Even if I know they aren’t upset at me it still has a negative impact.

Q: Can you tell when someone is attacking you to hurt you compared to when they may just be lashing out at who is available to them?

A: Initially it is very difficult to tell, however, as an argument progresses it becomes easier for me to figure out. During the act of someone being overly mean it is very hard to differentiate. Afterward, however, I often try to find where their words are coming from and for the most part I feel as if they are lashing out at me because I am there.

Q: What steps do you take to either deescalate your emotions or deal with them in such a way that gives you a positive outcome?

A: When I am feeling the need to figure out my emotions and I will often go to a yoga class in order to feel more connected with myself. My other go to options are other forms of exercise, sleeping it off, or talking to a friend.

Through these two different perspectives, I hope to give a glimpse into how simple everyday actions that can seem pointless can potentially have a large impact on someone in the wrong mood or if it hits them at the wrong time. Everyone is dealing with something and your actions make a difference.

As always check out my blog bittnersblog.blogspot.com

Until next time, Peace!

Bittner